she kissed him ?? Help !

annejohn91

okay well my boyfriend works in a hotel and last night he was working at a girls 21st , at the end of the night she came over and there was my boyfriend and the other bar man, she gave the other bar man a kiss and obviously she was going to come over to my bf and try kiss him too,
in my situation i would of walked away but he stood there and she came over and tried to kiss him on the lips and hugged him, he said she only got the edge of his lips cause he tried to pull away ( I dont believe him)

im gutted, i broke up with him because it seemed that he wanted this to happen and our relationship isnt been going well lately, we been going out a year and a half, and he is only 18, so i think he just wants something else and now i have given it to him

u might think im overreacting but i work in a pub and one night this fella smacked my ass and my bf went mental at me interrogating me asking what did i do bla bla bla

am i overreacting ? i don't think so and i think we were both waiting for an excuse to break up so here it is

takola

Yes, you are overreacting.

God, a drunk girl gave him a peck as a thank you at the end of the night. He didn't initiate it nor did he snog her.

If I mentioned to my other half that someone in a pub had grabbed my ass, he would probably want to know how I reacted to it. Not because he's getting into a jealous rage. Because the act itself is disrespectful and he would want to know how I handled it. And I would want to know how he handled it if it was the other way around.

You were waiting for an excuse to break up with him so you used it as one. But I think it's a pretty pathetic excuse to be honest. If you want to break up, just break up. Don't clutch at straws to do it. It's not necessary and very immature.

annejohn91

no sorry i wasnt making it clear, she was chatting them up and she went for tongue with the other barman but what i tried to say about when my ass got smacked my bf went mad but last night when he told me what happened, i got mad and he laughed and said im overreacting, i think his was worse off, and we are both wanting to break up, we keep breaking up and getting back and now i think thats it for good

takola

Ok, I'm sorry if I misunderstood your first post.

I think the relationships where you break up and get back together regularly tend to be not worth the head wreck they bring. Despite the excitement aspect that tends to be there.

You don't trust him. That's fairly obvious. And the same could be said of him if he got jealous over someone smacking your ass. (Sorry, I'd originally said grabbed, read it wrong). It could be said that you both overreacted in each of those situations. At least if what he said is true. (You did say you didn't believe him.)

If you both want to break up then breaking up is definitely the right thing to do. Otherwise you'll just continue to have your head wrecked indefinitely and eventually it will end anyway because no relationship can work without trust. Only you'll be hurt worse because you've invested more time and energy in it. So I think you breaking up with him was the right thing to do.

annejohn91

i know in my head its right but it kills me to know he allowed her to come over and try it on whereas he could of walked away

i told him, he could of walked away but he said.. it would look a bit odd me walking away. so obviously he knew what he was doing would have consequences and he decided to stay there

he must of felt confident or something because earlier that day he was very depressed with the way he looked with his work uniform.. well he will have loads of time for drunk girls to come on to him ...

opinion guy

Wait.

Was this part of the 21 kisses thing people do at 21st? ie. 21 guys in the room kiss the girl for her bitrthday. Because if that is so you could say it would have been kind of rude of him to just walk away when the girl came to him with all her mates watching. you could also say that if other guys were really going at it with her and he just gave her a peck on the cheek that he did what the social situation demanded without taking it any further than it needed to be.

annejohn91

ha nope if it was the 21 kisses thing then fair enough but no it was just my bf(ex) and another worker and the girl was sitting with her friends and then decides to come over and try her look, and then the other bar man gave her a proper kiss because fair enough he is single but my bf should of known better, like he was afraid his mate would take the piss cause he walked away, so he was more worried about his rep than me and how i would react

or else he just wanted it to happen because he said she was good looking , i asked him.

i was woken up at 5 in the morning to tell me, he obviously was feeling guilty

opinion guy

well i can see why it bothers you so.

but at least he did tell you - plenty of others wouldn't have

annejohn91

i know, he is always honest with me but he knew how i would react, but he still done it

and the funny thing is, he is making it out to be my fault like he was snapping at me because of the way i reacted, and he just hung up his phone and say goodbye i'm going to bed .. what did he want me to do, did he want me to say:

awh well its grand that u allowed a girl to kiss you, because at least you told me straight away .

yeah things don't work like that

Sinall

OP, I think you are overreacting here. And I'm not saying this lightly, as an ex boyfriend did cheat on me in the past. I can see why you are upset but think that your reaction is over the top, considering the full situation as you have explained it.

Your boyfriend was out working, he was bartending at this girl's 21st. Remember that, as part of his job, he is not allowed to be rude to customers - this may have had a bearing on how he reacted when he saw her approaching. It would be a different ball game if he was on a night out and a girl approached him trying to kiss him.

I'm not saying that as a bartender, he is obliged to kiss girls who try it on - far from it. Just that he has to be subtle about how he does gets himself out of situations like this, they are not of his doing. And he did not instigate this. He said that he tried to pull away - why don't you believe him? If he is honest enough to tell you about this situation in the first place then why don't you believe he is telling the truth about this one part of it?

I think you are making too big a deal about this. Just take a step back (hard I know!) and try to look at it objectively. Put yourself in his shoes. He probably (to be polite) thought he had to hug her when she came over to say thanks and then he did try to pull away when she tried to kiss him. And he was successful, as she didn't really manage to land one on him properly! It would have been the wrong reaction to rush off when he saw her approaching, considering he was working in the bar at her 21st. It most likely wasn't an easy situation for him, but it sounds like he made the effort to handle it the best he could.

Moomoo1

OP, going by your previous threads you wanted to experience single life and were just waiting for something like this to give you a chance?

I don't think he did anything wrong: as people said he wouldn't have wanted to be seen as a spoilsport in front of his mates, and it wasn't anything serious.

laura l

Look, it was the end of the night at the girl's 21st, she obviously had more to drink than a normal night what with people buying her drinks etc (assuming she drinks). So she decided to swing out of the barmen but overdid it and tried to lob the gob and was "politely" shot down by your 18 year old boyfriend.
He could have walked away, like you say, but where do you walk off to behind a bar?!
he told you about it, at least he's honest.
i have to say no disrespect to your boyfriend, but i don't think most 21 year old girls would be bothered with an 18 year old leaving cert/fresher guy in the cold light of day.
i think you're allowing yourself to make more out of it than it was to be honest.

Wagon

I remember you're previous thread. I think you're just looking for an excuse to break up with him and now you have. What do you want help with?

annejohn91

i just found out there by him it wasnt her birthday she was a friend at a wedding and she was trying it on with him and because he didnt wanna be awkward he allowed it to happen and like we have been having troubles but we were moving out soon and everything

im seriously in bits . we break up all the time but now this feels different it feels real but he knew she was coming over to snog him cause she did it to the other barman.. so please dont go saying im happy about this cause im not ,... i have an exam tomorrow i havent studied i cant and i didnt go to work i cant do anything

well i hope he is happy.. i really do.

ClauClau

Sinall wrote: »

Your boyfriend was out working, he was bartending at this girl's 21st. Remember that, as part of his job, he is not allowed to be rude to customers

This is just a bit silly, I've worked in waitressing and bartending for years and have had plenty of men come up to me trying it on. It is not polite to play along and kiss them. Some people don't take their drink well. I know I was pulled on to the lap of a man once and my BOSS kicked him out. There is no need to kiss someone just to be polite if that's the reason he's giving for doing it it's pathetic. To say it's okay because he has to be polite to his customers is just stupid. Preventing someone from kissing you because you are in a relationship is not being rude, it's being normal. I know I wouldn't let someone I was serving just kiss me even if I was single.

Fiend-Foe

annejohn91 wrote: »

well i hope he is happy.. i really do.

Probably not seen as his girlfriend has just broken up with him for some ridiculous excuse of a reason.

Chinafoot

annejohn91 wrote: »

i just found out there by him it wasnt her birthday she was a friend at a wedding and she was trying it on with him and because he didnt wanna be awkward he allowed it to happen

He allowed what to happen? He said he pulled away. Maybe he didn't think she was actually going to lob the head when she had just done the same thing with his co-worker.

Honestly, you sound way, way too immature to be in any sort of relationship. He pulled away from a girl who tried to kiss him...this is a good thing. Your argument of "he let it happen" is completely and utterly ridiculous. It doesn't matter if it was her 21st, a wedding or just a night out where she was hammered.

My adivce to you is avoid any adult relationships until you grow up.

Sinall

ClauClau wrote: »

This is just a bit silly, I've worked in waitressing and bartending for years and have had plenty of men come up to me trying it on. It is not polite to play along and kiss them. Some people don't take their drink well. I know I was pulled on to the lap of a man once and my BOSS kicked him out. There is no need to kiss someone just to be polite if that's the reason he's giving for doing it it's pathetic. To say it's okay because he has to be polite to his customers is just stupid. Preventing someone from kissing you because you are in a relationship is not being rude, it's being normal. I know I wouldn't let someone I was serving just kiss me even if I was single.

I think you may have misinterpreted what I was trying to say. Or perhaps you didn't read the part afterwards where I said that I did not mean that people working in bars had to kiss people who tried it on with them - far from it! If you reread my post you will see what I was getting at was (and this is when we thought that it was the girl's 21st) that the fact that he was working at the time may have had a bearing on his reaction and made him less likely to react in an unreserved manner. As I also said, if he had been on a night out it would be a different ball game. I did not say it was okay in any way shape or form for someone to try it on with him, just that the OP should try to put herself in his shoes. The fact that he was working might have had an impact on how he turned the girl down, not whether he turned her down.

annejohn91

Chinafoot wrote: »

My adivce to you is avoid any adult relationships until you grow up.

well if you have been lied to and been cheated on before then maybe you would be a bit worried about him doing something like that again.. i just thought he was lying and he kissed the girl

were back together now and i know i overreacted but its just hard to trust him since previous encounters he had.. i know i can trust him again, its just going to take awhile and i need to stop overreacting

please dont tell me to grow up.. i have gone threw a lot in this relationship even though im only 18...

shellyboo

Seriously, OP, if your reaction to every argument is to break up you're not mature enough to be in a relationship, especially if you do it "all the time". It's not normal. If you're having that many problems, just break up with him for good and find something with less drama. You're only 18!

annejohn91

well we dont fight about silly things like most 18 year olds, they do be serious but yeah we have broken up a couple of times and we always get back cause we cant stay away for longer than a day . we forgive too easily anyways im young and im gonna make mistakes, don't we all.

anyways thanks for all your posts,

xxx

Fiend-Foe

annejohn91 wrote: »

well we dont fight about silly things like most 18 year olds, they do be serious

This doesn't be serious, not even worth mentioning imo

shellyboo

annejohn91 wrote: »

well we dont fight about silly things like most 18 year olds, they do be serious but yeah we have broken up a couple of times and we always get back cause we cant stay away for longer than a day . we forgive too easily anyways im young and im gonna make mistakes, don't we all.

anyways thanks for all your posts,

xxx

That's even worse! If you're having serious fights "all the time"! You're too young and life's too short to be in such a stressful relationship. You should be having fun! But if you're determined to stay with him, then good luck with it.

kittenkiller

My BF probably would have smacked her square on the face.
But that's just the type of guy he is.

He was open with you about things.
If you really think he cheated then walk away, but if there's any doubt, talk to him about it and discuss what's bothering you properly and without yelling (if at all possible).

Best of luck.

rizzee

Making mountains out of molehills tbh. Good luck in the future

AnonoBoy

kittenkiller wrote: »

My BF probably would have smacked her square on the face.
But that's just the type of guy he is.

Sounds like he's a keeper. :rolleyes:

OP - you're overreacting. Calm down and realise what a drunk girl does to your boyfriend is not his fault.