Why is sex all about performance?

LegacyUser

This is about sex, or lack of!

To be honest, I'm not really pushed by the messy bits! I love cuddling, caressing, massage, exploring, arousal, but can take or leave penetration itself. I don't care for oral either, either giving or receiving. Giving turns me off actually. I have received many times, and never, ever did it do anything for me only leave me lying there wishing we could do something else. Sometimes, it even physically hurts.

The contradiction is that while I can take or leave the intercourse part of sex, not having any sexual activity at all seems to disable me completely, to the point where I become depressed and anxious when I am not in the company of a nice girl. What I would really like is a girl who I could spend every night wrapped up with, cuddling and massaging and whispering with, without the expectation of performance every single night.

I am single, and would happily remain so, as I am quite settled in my routines and interests and freedom. I have no real interest at this stage in doing the whole 'family' thing. The problem comes at night, when it is time to get into the cold, empty bed again, and that insidious loneliness falls over me.

Right now, there is nobody, and I find myself at a complete loss, having no interest in money, job, home, work, play, anything, when I know that empty bed is waiting. I need a girl in my life to make everything else mean anything at all. I don't want much. Just a hug at night makes it all worthwhile. I feel like a mass of contradictions.

auditek923

i used to feel like this in my late teens early 20s. but then i had a sexual awakeing with a then girlfriend of mine and since then i have become " hornier" to say the least. i wonder what age you are and im thinking mayeb you have not found the right girl yet.
i am now 29 married and love having sex often

Fiend-Foe

contradictions wrote: »

I have received many times, and never, ever did it do anything for me only leave me lying there wishing we could do something else. Sometimes, it even physically hurts.

Someone was doin something wrong. Don't give up just yet...

Piste

It sounds like you're craving intimacy over sex. You say you don't want a relationship, but would you be happy to be intimate with a total stranger every night? You're lucky because a lot of girls like the intimate part of relationships (cuddling, kissing etc.) over sex itself, so maybe try to find a girlfriend who you care for and with whom you can be intimate without having a lot of sex.

shellyboo

You need to find yourself a gf with a low or absent sex drive. If you're worried about why you feel this way, perhaps a trip to the GP is in order? It's certainly unusual (though not really a bad thing) that you have no interest in sex - could be worth checking out.

LegacyUser

I'm quite similar to yourself OP. Although I have not yet been in any sexual relationship with a woman (never had a girlfriend) so can't say for sure if my feelings would change in that situation.

It's not that I'm not interested in sex. It's just not the main thing on my mind when it comes to having a girlfriend (or rather thinking about it). It's the intimacy in other areas (exactly the ones you listed) that would appeal to me more.

Didn't realize this was seemingly so rare though... or that it might be a problem.

shellyboo

Loner09 wrote: »

Didn't realize this was seemingly so rare though... or that it might be a problem.

It wouldn't be a problem for every woman... but it certainly would be a huge problem for me if my partner wasn't interested in sex. It's about compatibility and finding someone whose desires match yours.