Mental-counselling?

crystalclear

Hi guys,

Looking for opinions...If anybody works in the mental health arena?
I am wondering whether I have been or am depressed and what should i do.

I am 27 year old woman, I function well in that I hold down a good job I have friends, a family who loves me I am in good physical health.I get on with my life. All good so far...

I feel unhappy like I have a dark cloud that follows me round. I find it difficult to trust and difficult to express emotions that I feel deeply like sadness for example. No matter what I do I cant find a sense of peace or happiness even though my life on paper is good. Everyday is such an effort i mostly want to stay in bed and just not get up again.

Years ago I lost a friend to suicide, didnt cope well at all and told no one of my experiences. A couple of years after that I was assaulted by a man and didnt tell anyone of that either. To cope i started to self harm, I wasnt a cutter or anything that serious but how and ever I turned against myself and learnt an unhealthy coping mechinism. I dont do it now, but i do think of it often.

I went to my GP who said i was fine. I present very confidently, outspoken, confident and I look well. But I dont feel it. I started to see a counsellor a couple of months ago ive been 4 times but it's not working for me. I find it hard to trust her, we dont gel well, and the words get stuck in my mouth. I will of course give it a chance.

So! I find myself in a situation where I know life for me could be better, much much better, and i just need a bit of peace from the constant negative feelings.

What next?

sam34

crystalclear wrote: »

Hi guys,

Looking for opinions...If anybody works in the mental health arena?
I am wondering whether I have been or am depressed and what should i do.

you should not take advice regarding your mental health and possible diagnoses from people on the internet.

talk to your gp again, explaining what you posted here.

or find a different counsellor, one you can trust and talk to.

good luck

crystalclear

whoops, sorry mod i wasnt looking for internet diagnosis as such. Just opinions really. I take on board what you're saying though entirely.

Nevyn

It can some times take a while to find a counsellor that you can work with, seems you do want to talk about what is going on with you or else you'd not have posted here.

Try going back to your gp and get a referal do a different counsellor.

and while sam34 has given good advice re returning to your gp they are not a mod of this forum.

iceman777

A good start for you might be to keep an "emotional" diary and that is writing down what you are feeling at any moment in time especially when these dark clouds you speak about set in. Also write down what you were doing and where you are at that time.

I think that you may see patterns in your thoughts and it helps you ask questions of yourself as you start to dig deeper into it all.
It is also good input to a GP or a counsellor if you have the diary started already as it will be easier to explain youself.

Best of luck with it all.

sam34

crystalclear wrote: »

whoops, sorry mod i wasnt looking for internet diagnosis as such. Just opinions really. I take on board what you're saying though entirely.

no need to apologise to me

i gave that reply because really it's dodgy to get opinions or advice on potential illnesses and treatments from randomers on the internet, a lot of whom may have their own agendas.

good luck, i hope things work out for you.

oh, and i'm not a mod here on this forum.

Didymus

I went through something similar with everything perfect on the outside but stuggled to fight this dark looming cloud which seemed to surpress everything positive that I wanted to feel and do. There was no explanation, no trigger, nothing to point to finger at, just an overwhelming sense of emptiness. I was sleeping fine, my appetite was fine and I was healthy so the doctor gave me the all clear aswell. And I don't blame him because I wasn't honest with him.

It started around the same age as you (28) and being completely honest it lasted about 2 years, from when it started to get bad, to when I hit rock bottom and to when I started to come out of it.

How did I come out of it? I started writing a diary when I had nobody to talk to. I started to eat well. I started running to become healthy. I went back to college (at 30). I found boards.ie and realised I wasn't the only one . I also tried counselling and my experience sounds similar to yours. I never developed a bond with her but at the same time it was of good benefit as she gave me ideas on how I could take baby steps towards improving my outlook in life and I felt like I conquered something just for having the courage to go to her.

Now I have never been happier. I look back and realise that I was growing up. The world was beginning to make sense to me and included in that was the realisation that there was badness in the world and I had been innocent it. Perhaps your bad experiences are contributing to your outlook in the world and no one person should ever be expected to go through something like what you have been through without speaking to someone. It doesn't have to be a friend or relative if you are not comfortable speaking about it yet but maybe you could try talking to a stranger first, try samaritans or a similar helpline.

Everyone goes through their own journey and I wouldn't change a thing because I learnt so much about myself and the world and now I have such an appreciation for the tiniest things in life and the goodness of people far outweighs the bad.

Sorry for the long post I just wanted to say that sometimes there is light at the end of the tunnel and this could be part of a long and wonderful journey for you.

Good luck

crystalclear

thanks-especially to Didymus-what you said makes total sense to me-I get it. I really am my own worst enemy most of the time. Thanks again

Snowie

crystalclear wrote: »

I started to see a counsellor a couple of months ago ive been 4 times but it's not working for me. I find it hard to trust her, we dont gel well, and the words get stuck in my mouth. I will of course give it a chance.

So! I find myself in a situation where I know life for me could be better, much much better, and i just need a bit of peace from the constant negative feelings.

What next?

maybe go back to your gp and ask him to refer you to another councilior as otherabove have said it can take time to find a councilor that can work with you

Good Luck

LegacyUser

For me, what helped is to speak to a relative or a dear friend you consider open-minded. Normally, a good deal of people have had these experiences and bottling it up inside is not good for anyone.

Just someone with an ear to listen to for the moment. Then perhaps, once the discussion is done, you may feel more at ease, and decide for yourself if mental advice is needed.

A trip to the doctor is always good too, just to get oneself back to grips with things. Although, a talk to a friend / relative, for me, has worked much more.

Sometimes, all it takes is just a little talk to someone just for some reassurance, get back on ones feet so to speak.

Love you loads, big hugs and I hope you peace, happiness and health in the future.

thefeatheredcat

OP,

firstly finding a good counsellor that you can trust takes time. So don't strike that whole route off the list just yet. Maybe you need a different avenue to formally acknowledge what's happened.

Trust is a precious thing and very hard to give once it's been destroyed. It comes back in time but it can take a long time.

What you can do for yourself? Surround yourself in people you do trust in environments that you trust, your family and family home, for example. Being around people you trust can put you more at ease and more open to trust.

Make sure you're not bottling it all up and instead getting it out of you. Maybe you could confront the past by just doing an exercise like just letting yourself type away or expressing it in some other creative fashion.

Perhaps you could get involved with groups at some stage in helping out others that have been faced with what you have?

Ruby-J

I totally agree with Didymus, great advice. Its important to write and vent these feelings so that you can find a way of accomplishing the fears or negative feelings. Best of luck and i hope you find some light at the end of the tunnel.

qwertytlk

Hi:D,

I have sufferd from depression in the past and i also see a counsellor still. What your saying about the counsellor you see could just be a sign that you have a personality clash or something with this person, Maybe you need to see a different one? Find a counsellor that you feel comfortable with, that you trust and that you can really talk to other wise its not really going to help you all that much you know?

What youv said about feeling a general unhappiness with your life even though it seems good on paper is a perfectly okay feeling to have. I mean just because your life looks good on the outside and you have a good job etc, doesnt really matter if that doesnt match up with what your feeling on the inside.
I know from my own feelings and personal experiences with depression that those feelings arent going to go away if you dont get to the root of why your actually feeling like that.

I know it seems difficult in the beginning and it is actually pretty hard to open up to a complete stranger and start discussing your private thoughts, especially if you have difficulty trusting but the way i personally got around this was that i saw my counsellor for a long time before we really started to get into deep stuff. I would see her weekly and we would talk about alot of different things that i was feeling but its really only now in the past year (ive been seeing her almost 2 years ) that i find myself REALLY opening up and not being afraid to say certain things in case she will judge me etc. I also started writing things down, kind of like a diary but not in the dear diary way! It really really helped me to get some perspective on my feelings myself when i didnt always have someone else to talk to or didnt want to talk!
Its actually funny how different things seem when you get them out of your head and onto a page infront of you! Maybe you could try that too??

It takes time and its not always so easy but its definatly worth it, you deserve to be happy and content...and know that there is nothing wrong with looking for a different counsellor - we cant always get on with everyone or feel 100% comfortable with everyone....

I hope you work everything out!:)
Best of luck with it