Should I tell my parents about my relationship?

LegacyUser

Hey, just want to run you through a bit of a silly situation Im caught in the middle of at the moment.
I'm in my early 20's, I live with my parents and I've never been in a relationship of any real duration or intimacy. This is due to self confidence and self image issues I struggle with.

However, I met a girl a few weeks ago in town and we struck it off pretty well. In fact, really well - I ended up spending the night with her. When I arrived home in the morning I told my parents I'd been at a house party, could hardly tell them the truth could I?

Since then I've met her many times (honestly I was surprised she wanted to meet me again without the influence of alcohol), met her after work, walks in the park, talked for hours, all that stuff. But I havent told my parents, and have been actively lying about where I've been and what I've been up to. Which I shouldn't be and don't like doing.

I'm going over to her place on Sunday early in the afternoon for dinner, and chances are I'll probably stay the night.

Don't really want to lie about it, but I really don't want to discuss the in's and out's of my relationship with my parents. Knowing my mother she'll lay some massive guilt trip on me, followed by some outdated lecture on safe-sex, and then call me about 400 times while Im out. Ugh, don't even like thinking about it.

I know I'm probably being a little childish about it, but I've never really been able to talk to my parents about anything really and don't really know how to broach the subject.

What should I do?

ziedth

it comes down to two choices imo. Stand up for yourself and risk a major blow out with your folks meaning tell them but when she starts say you don't have to listen to this or back off or whatever. Second continue without telling them. Major problem with each is the former option can cause a **** storm and you may not want to upset them and latter is that it'll prob all get out eventually and may even upset your girl cause it will look like your hiding her away. If it where me i'd tell your mother if she starts up you'll be moving out. Good luck.

opinion guy

Since then I've met her many times (honestly I was surprised she wanted to meet me again without the influence of alcohol), met her after work, walks in the park, talked for hours, all that stuff. But I havent told my parents, and have been actively lying about where I've been and what I've been up to. Which I shouldn't be and don't like doing.

Just a question here: do your parents demand to know where you are all the time ? I'm just struck that this issue you are asking about may speak to the overall dynamic with your folks. This isn't an issue I would not expect someone in there early twenties to have. You don't have to account for all your movements with your parents, so i'm just wondering what the bigger picture of all this is ?

CDfm

OP - I have a son younger than you at 19.

No you dont need to tell them much just that you are heading off with friends and may being staying over. TBH -I have met 2 of the girls my son has dated in passing.

You are a man now. The other thing is that if you are shy you dont want your parents asking all the stuff like -when are we going to meet your young lady etc.:o In that way the dont need to know everything.But you can say -I am going to the pictures etc and may stay over with one of the lads from work/college.

Now it is never a good idea to feck off and let no-one know where you are going. So mention it to one of your mates that your off to meet your girl -nonchalant like- just so someone knows where you are off to.Thats just sensible too. A simple text - Im off to meet X on a date in X. Weyhey for me. That simple.

Enjoy and make sure you dress warmly, shower and if you must -be sure to use protection and I mean swine flu antisceptic wipes. keep 20 euro in your shoe in case you need to get a taxi at 4 in the morning:D

EDIT - if your Ma does rumble -look her straight in the eye and say Sorry Ma -Im not gay. (no disrerspect to gay people) but if that doesnt shut her up nothing will.

metrovelvet

I dont think you have to give them the ins and outs but that you should tell them whether or not you will be home so that they wont worry or think something has happenned to you.

CDfm

metrovelvet wrote: »

I dont think you have to give them the ins and outs but that you should tell them whether or not you will be home so that they wont worry or think something has happenned to you.

Ya but only to the extent that I might be late or staying over. Not if they are hugely nosey. My mother was hell.

I am not with those who will seek a confrontation thing. This is a date and should be enjoyed.

If you get established then they will meet her in good time and when its right for you.

Holda

Hi op. I had a similar problem myself. I was worried about what my parents would say, especially since I was in my 20s before I was with anyone for any period of time that would make me think of mentioning it to them. To be honest with you, it's a bandage that just has to be ripped off. It's not easy, but it's the only way to go about it. As it turns out my parents aren't half as nosey as I suspected they would be. They just don't want to know about my sex life and just accept that I'm going to stay over without questions. There were one or two muffled mentions of condoms, but as embarrassing as that is, they're only doing it from worry. If they start asking when they can meet her, just tell them it's too soon for that.
The longer you leave it the worse you'll worry yourself and the more hurt they'll be that you haven't told them anything.
Best of luck!