no friends, no life..

LegacyUser

I was once a person who was the absloute life and soul of the party, was always out and had lots of friends but the partying went way too far and i went too far and ended up with a serious drug problem,which thankfully iv done alot of work on and i now no longer take drugs at all. But what iv been left with is a shell of a life that i just dont know how to repair. My friends that i had before i became an actual addict have moved on with their lives and the 'friends' i had while i was an addict are not people i can associate with for obvious reasons so im now left in limbo. I just dont know what to do, i feel so low. Im only in my mid 20's and my life is a total mess.

I am planning on applying to college this year and im sure il meet people there but even when i try and be optimistic and think of that i have nagging doubts in the back of my mind that these people wouldnt really like me if they got to know me anyway and would wonder why i didnt have any friends of my own....



I guess i really feel so ashamed of myself i cant even bring myself to talk about this with anybody. I mean everyone has friends dont they? I feel like people would laugh at me you know.... I havent ever even discussed this with my counsellor

I dont know what im really looking for in writing this post but i guess i just need to get all this off my chest and im hoping someone might be able to give me some perspective and a little clarity on all of this.

LegacyUser

I can totally relate to your post. I found myself in the exact same situation as you. Trust me, you will make friends again. Just take your time. You can tell people as much or as little as you want. Nobody will find it strange that you have no other friends, in most cases they won't even notice at first. Then you can say that you have returne from traveling, your friends are traveling. Your friends were getting heavy into drugs so you cut contact. You can say you fell out or just drifted apart. And when you make some good friends and you know you can trust them you can tell them the truth. Good people will accept you for who you are. As I'm sure you know from your recovery, nothing comes instantly. Take your time. And please don't be tempted to go back to your drug friends, I've been there too and I always ended up using again. You'll be fine, you've done great already you should be proud.

Porkpie

OP,

Sorry to hear of your situation. I can relate to a lot of what you're talking about. I used to go out partying like yourself in my late teens and early twenties and would go mad on the booze, experimented some times with drugs too. Now I'm nearly 30 and I don't have half as much fun as I used to and loads of my friends are now married or living abroad.

One thing that stands out from your post is the application for college. I hope this is a course that you are actually interested in and that you're not doing it soley to meet people. I nearly made that mistake before. I applied for a course and looking back on it, I was more interested in the social aspect of college life than anything else. College is a great place to meet people but if the course is too difficult/boring it will make you miserable, trust me.

Assuming you do actually want to do the course...

i have nagging doubts in the back of my mind that these people wouldnt really like me if they got to know me anyway

Why wouldn't they? If you are friendly, pleasant, enjoy people's company and make the effort I guarantee you will make friends. Be honest with yourself here - do you need to work on this?

and would wonder why i didnt have any friends of my own....

No they won't, believe me! Think of it - before we have friends we all start out on our own, don't we? Plenty of people in college start out with no mates. We all have to make friends somehow, it shouldn't matter that you are on your own. When you go to college, make any excuse to get to know people - borrow notes from someone, join a club/society.

I guess i really feel so ashamed of myself

I think you're being too hard on yourself here. I don't see any reason why you should feel ashamed of yourself.

I mean everyone has friends dont they?

Have a look through all the PI threads on people who are lonely as hell. It is so common, you wouldn't believe it. If it makes you feel any better I live on my own and I hardly see any of my old mates any more, so my social diary isn't exactly full at the moment

I havent ever even discussed this with my counsellor

Please do. Otherwise you're not getting the full benefit of his/her service. The more you open up to your counsellor the more effective the treatment will be. Again, you have no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed.

Best of luck OP, I hope everything works out for you.

Peggypeg

Wow you're really down in the dumps aren't you? Big hug OP. I haven't gone through addiction and recovery but I did, for various reasons, end up at one point with not a single friend. I thought it would be tremendously difficult to meet some but a counceller made me pick a hobby/club and go persue it. He was brill, he even rang me in the evenings to make sure I'd gone to the club. It turned out that it was ridiculously easy once I started talking to people, my advice would be to pick something you're interested in, walking, photography, rowing, diving, surfing etc and just follow that and you'll find yourself making friends no problem.

As others have said though I would say it to the counceller, that's what they're for and they're not going to judge you.

LegacyUser

Thanks to the 3 of you for your replies. I know i was just kind of having a whinge and feelin sorry for myself but as you all probably know..things get hard sometimes!
I really appreciate what each of you has said and deep down i DO know that things will most likely work themselves out in time. Also i know i have to speak to my counsellor about this, and numerous other things that i seem to just skim over and not really explain myself properly about.

I guess life is just pretty **** right now but thats to be expected and i have to give myself some time....and maybe im actually better off spending some time with myself so i can get to know myself again, or at least who the real me is before i go getting involved in other peoples lives.
Im lucky i have a really supportive family behind me who genuinely want the very best for me. Oh and just to say that regarding the college course i am applying to, im not applying for it on a whim or to meet friends! It is really something that i am passionate about and have a real interest in and i have given it ALOT of thought...In fact, iv thought of little else!! But i do know what you mean, that it would be absloutly ridiculous to commit myself to a 4 year degree for any other reason than It is something that will hold my interest and i can apply myself to!

Thanks so much for your support and il be seeing my counsellor this week so im going to try speak to her about some of this stuff (something else i have to work on is trying not to care so much what other people think or that they will be laughing at me-cos they most likely arent!!)

Thanks again