Have I reason to be angry?

LegacyUser

Im not really sure what advice im looking for here, maybe just your opinions on whether im being unreasonable or if infact I do have reason to be angry...

Im not even sure where to start, please bare with me, its going to be a long one...

OK so im pregnant with my boyf baby, i was pregnant for 3 months and had no idea - (dont ask, long story again) anyways before I knew I was pregnant, i broke up with my boyf cos I wasnt sure if it was what i wanted, my head was all over the place, my ex was still in background and i thought i still had feelings for him. Anyways during the break with my boyf I ended up sleeping with my ex, I then realised my ex wasnt what i wanted and that I should just take a break from lads altogether.

When i realised i was pregnant this whole time, I told my boyf and he was great, he was mad to get back with me anyways and wanted to make a go of things and carry on with the pregnancy, after alot of thought, I decided I should give it a go with him as I did care about him, i am in love with him but its just different to what i felt with my ex which was what confused me in the 1st place but he treats me like a princess, you couldnt ask for a better boyf and i know he loves me.

The thing is, I told my boyf that i slept with my ex whilst we were broke up and he was really hurt, he was really mad that i could go and sleep with someone so soon after we broke up and how he'd never do that to me and that he only kissed a girl whilst we were broke up and how he only done that to try and get over me, he really gave out to me, for days wouldnt really talk to me, be in a sulk and said he couldnt really look at me the same way again and how i had let him down and i felt awful. I apologised over and over again, would never happen again etc.

That all happenend about 5 months ago and we've been so happy together, looking forward to the baby and just planning our life together. He would occasionally bring up the fact i slept with my ex in little fights that we had and would make me feel awful about how much i'd hurt him and i would do all i can to try and make it right.

Anyways we were talking one night and he kinda let slip that the girl he kissed when we broke up was one that he had slept with just before we got together, lets call her Sue (I know her and I know she was mad about him, kept chasing him and was jealous that i was now with him) I knew he slept with Sue before I got with him and it didnt bother me cos i knew he was crazy about me and had no feelings for her, to be honest, he would slag her off and say he was only with her for the ride and had no interest and how he blanked her afterwards. He then let slip that he and his friend were out one night ( whilst we were broke up and whilst i was pregant but didnt know it) and him and his friend went back to her house and his friend slept with Sue's sister, I asked him where himself and Sue where when all this was all going on and he said he was sleeping on the sofa and she was in bed and that he never slept with Sue cos she said she didnt want to be used and wanted them to go out before she slept with him again, he then tried to say that he told her he wasnt the girlfriend type and that all he wanted from her was sex and she said no. He also let slip and said that he was messing in the house and that whilst his friend and girl were in bed, he burst in on them naked and was messing around... why would he be naked??

Basically I caught him out about him sleeping with Sue when he said he only kissed her and he went mad, a little bit too defensive actually, almost in tears saying how he didnt and he didnt want me to think that way of him and he swears he didnt sleep with her. I told him i didnt believe him but there wasnt nothing really i could do or say cos I slept with my ex whilst we were broke up but its the fact that he has lied to me about it, that he made me feel really bad about what i did and how he made out that he was such a saint and would never do that to me etc. Im so mad at all the lies. I made up with him but sometimes I'll start thinking about it and i'll get so angry again and go in a mood with him where i cant stand to be around him. He doesnt really want to talk about it anymore which makes me more sure of the fact he slept with her. I know he is a good liar, I've seen him at it before but i never really thought he'd lie to me.

My head is wrecked cos before i completely trusted him and now im not so sure and i hate not having trust in a relationship and im just really disappointed in him but then do i have a right to be?

Also, little things have been playing in my head that make me think now that he might have been with her whilst we were together, a few months before all this happened and we were together, he told me he got a text from her late at night and she was obviously drunk and was saying to him that she was mad about him and wanted to be with him but he said he ignored it and also when he has been out with the lads and she's been in same pub, she'd walk past him and sort of elbow him in the back of the head or back and walk away as if she was angry with him, he says this is because he blanked her after he slwpt with her the first time but she done this only 2 weeks ago so she would hardly still be that angry with him after almost a year and a half (this is if he didnt sleep with her in June or after this, this year like he said he didnt)

Im so sorry for the HUGE post but i just dont know what to do, i dont want to stay with a lad i cant trust and be made a fool out of.

Any advice or opinions would be much appreciated.

Thanks

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

Basically I caught him out about him sleeping with Sue when he said he only kissed her and he went mad, a little bit too defensive actually, almost in tears saying how he didnt and he didnt want me to think that way of him and he swears he didnt sleep with her.

Ok, I've read your post three times and I still can't see the bit where you have proof that he slept with her. You didn't catch him out at all, as far as I can see.

Unregistered wrote: »

Im so sorry for the HUGE post but i just dont know what to do, i dont want to stay with a lad i cant trust and be made a fool out of.

He has reason not to trust you, and you made a fool out of him - he forgave you. Your turn to forgive now. You have no proof at all that he slept with her - even if he did, you were broken up, and you did the same to him.

I think you're jumping to conclusions. Your bf has placed his trust in you even though you hurt him - you need to follow his example.

LegacyUser

Hi Shellyboo

OP Here, thanks for replying.

I have forgiven him, its just I know this lad, I know what he's like, he used to be a right creep with the girls, a bit of a player and I know how his mind works, I know how much he lies, he's very very good at it, often brags about it but because of the love he's shown me, I never thought he'd do it to me. He did seem to completely change his ways for me, everyone says it but i just cant get it out of my head that he's lied all this time, if he told me at start when we got back together that he slept with her then i wouldve been ok about it cos fair enough i done same to him but its the fact he made himself look to be a saint and made me feel really bad about what i done when i just know deep down that he done the same, i just have a gut feeling about it.

He went back to her house, was in her bed, admitted being naked and admitted to trying to get her to sleep with him, i know she's mad about him so i just find it really hard to believe he didnt. I want him to stop lying and admit it, i'd still be with him but its the lies i cant handle. I feel like i cant trust him anymore, he had the decency to forgive me but at least i was upfront about it. Now i cant help wondering, what else is he lying about...

shellyboo

unregistered wrote: »

I have forgiven him,

Ok, you say this... and then you go on to list all the crap you're still hanging onto. This:

unregistered wrote: »

its just I know this lad, I know what he's like, he used to be a right creep with the girls, a bit of a player and I know how his mind works, I know how much he lies, he's very very good at it, often brags about it but because of the love he's shown me, I never thought he'd do it to me. He did seem to completely change his ways for me, everyone says it but i just cant get it out of my head that he's lied all this time, if he told me at start when we got back together that he slept with her then i wouldve been ok about it cos fair enough i done same to him but its the fact he made himself look to be a saint and made me feel really bad about what i done when i just know deep down that he done the same, i just have a gut feeling about it.

He went back to her house, was in her bed, admitted being naked and admitted to trying to get her to sleep with him, i know she's mad about him so i just find it really hard to believe he didnt. I want him to stop lying and admit it, i'd still be with him but its the lies i cant handle. I feel like i cant trust him anymore, he had the decency to forgive me but at least i was upfront about it. Now i cant help wondering, what else is he lying about...

This is not the thought process of someone who's forgive someone. This is what happens when you've said you've forgiven someone, but you haven't really. You need to decide - if you've convinced yourself he's slept with her with little or no evidence to support that then you need to figure out if you're a big enough person to be able to TRULY forgive him.

Forgiveness meaning, forget about it, don't mention it, don't use it as ammunition in arguments. You seem to be drawing a line between what he allegedly did and what you did when they're the same thing - you say it's worse because he lied about it? It's not. You have to realise that being mad at him about this is huge double standards on your part.

If you can't let this go, then that's fine... but that's your trust issues and not his actions.

cupcakes_mcgee

First of all you broke up so I don't really get why sleeping with someone else is a problem. You don't really paint a positive picture of him and I don't really think staying with him just because he treats you right is the best thing to do. It really sounds like this relationship lacks trust, without that its kinda pointless.