Getting back 'out' there

LegacyUser

Hi All,
Just going to post unregistered here for obvious reasons...

The love of my life passed away just over 2 and a half years ago. After 12 years together(since we were 15) leaving me devastated and a single dad of a beautiful son who carried me through the darkest days!
Luckily I have a great support system with both my own family and my partners family being great help and comfort to me on an ongoing basis.
Anyway thats the background of where I am now.

But on to what I want advice on.....
I'm in a situation where I'm trying to explore my options and just get to know myself as a 'single' person, when I've never ever really been one...
So I try take my time and not rush things, nor to be perfectly honest do I want to rush into a relationship.
I've had 'physical' encounters in the recent past(and 1st since my bereavement) where I ended up feeling disgusted with myself, as if I had cheated on my partner!
BUT the last 2 girls I have had any involvement with seemed to want to rush headlong into being a couple???
I know that will come across as bigheaded or arrogant, but when someone tells you they love you 15 mins after your 1st kiss...It does set alarm bells ringing!!!(Granted we knew each other a while beforehand thru work)..... I'll be perfectly honest.....I bolted!

On the other hand, I have a friend(of both myself and my late partner) who I often find myself thinking about but won't make any move, because...
1. I don't want to lose a friend thru misreading a situation
2. Even at times when I'm sure I'm not misreading the signs...I jump ahead in my mind to asking myself questions like, If you like the girl and you want to be with her? How can you even think about making her second choice? How can she compete with a ghost? If I care enough to want her....Obviously I care too much to ever make her feel inadequate...!!!
Even if I could reconcile that situation in my own head(Where I believe its the only place the problem exists!!!:D) I still don't do anything!
These are the thoughts that run through my head in a flash in the 2/3 seconds that any window of opportunity is open so I leave it go.....

I know I'm overanalysing and talking myself round in circles, I hope some people here can jump in with some advice on this...Even if its just to tell me cop on and grow up!!!
Thanks in advance!

Tinkerbell09

why not take baby steps.. make friends, and if there comes a time where you end up having a snog, you can decide either to chalk it up to the drink, or go in for another!:rolleyes:

the girl who told you she loved you - patience not a virtue eh? at that rate you'd be up the aisle next week:D

dont feel that you have to jump right in to the dating game, its best when it happens without trying too hard.

good luck, and i wish you happiness

RossFixxxed

Hey OP, sorry to hear that. I've been there. I find the more you look, and try the more elusive it can be especially if you're not ready. The most important and valuable thing for you now is time and space. You should take steps to do things YOU will enjoy, be it a club, the cinema, going out with the lads, music and persue that, make friends or reconnect with old ones. I found at a time I didn't expect it, dying of flu in town one night, I met someone. We're still together 8 years later and I've finally begun to realise that things can get better, they can actually get fantastic. But that came years on when I was ready.

BTW nothing to say you can't have fun out flirting and dancing

LegacyUser

Hi Folks...
OP here, Thanks for the replies. The advice is much appreciated!