Fathers Access stopped

tammiet

Hi
To cut a long story short, I had to apply to the courts to get my daughters (4)access with her father supervised. He(33) has a temper and has hurt our daughter. He also has a drink problem.
His mother was named supervisor but on the first weekend access, he decided to cause a scene in his mothers car over not being allowed go to the pub with our daughter, alot of foul language was used and he jumped out of his mothers car and start kicking in the door and ran off. His father was in the car at the time too and couldnt control him.
His mother dropped my daughter back and never told me what had occured, my daughter was visibly upset and then she told me that daddy had really frightened her.
I rang his mother and she told me everything, she said his behaviour was unacceptable and that my daughter was in hysterics in the back of the car. She said he needed councelling of some kind.
So I have suspended access until he gets himself sorted with anger management. But his mother has now changed her story and is prepared to go to court to say it is all lies, that nothing happened. That i'm making a big deal out of nothing. Luckily I have emails she sent me discussing the incident.
Just looking for opinions, I really think I'm taking the right route in suspending his access, I can't have him upsetting my daughter all the time.

nesf

Actually, once his mother is behaving correctly (i.e. not allowing him access unsupervised with the child) I don't think there's a need to remove access. Work with his mother on convincing him that he needs to sort himself out will quite possibly work better than withholding access completely so long as the mother continues to be responsible as a supervisor.

That or, allow his parents access to the child and that he may visit them. The mother in this case might be worried about losing her access to the child if his access is stopped.

tammiet

Thanks for your reply.
I have always told his mother that I have no problem with her seeing my daughter, she has had access to her even though I have stopped his access.
My problem now is that I can't trust her as a supervisor, if an incident like this or worse occurs again, she is just going to lie and cover for her son.
I have major concerns, I had to get a barring order for myself and my daughter against her father...he has serious issues.

Nevyn

Why not go talk to your local social workers and get their help and input to this, they maybe able to offer suggestions about getting someone else to supervise his visitation.

LeoB

I think you are right to stop his his access. Your daughter does not need to see this type of crap.

On another point made above, you could go to social worker and express your worries both verbally and in writing. There are plenty of supports available to the father which the social worker should be able to help with whether its A.A. or anger managment. But its up to him to behave in a decent manner in front of the child.

I would not deny the grandmother access and you should actually re-assure her. Like any mother she probably is trying in her own way to make things work out for you all and does not want to go to court. There is obviously some good in this guy so try talk to his mother and explain your concerns.

Good luck.

tammiet

I think a chat with a social worker is the way to go.
He has been to AA twice in the last few years, he has had councelling and he even took a parenitng course. He reckons he only did it to keep me happy that he didn't really need any of it and that he won't be going again.
I would love him to sort himself out for our daughters sake, I think she is starting to take a dislike towards him, she is only four and realises that his behaviour is abnormal. She told me that everyone has a good daddy except her.