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Unbelievably confused about a girl

  • 04-11-2009 12:22am
    #1
    mixedsignals
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭


    Hi

    This is a bit of a long winded story so bear with me

    A girl I really like broke up with her boyfriend of 1 year about 2 weeks ago. I have always liked her but never made any moves of course.

    We've been texting and talking a good bit more since she broke up and she seems to be flirting with me back. I made the mistake of telling her that I liked her through text and so soon after she had broken up with her boyfriend. Though the response she gave me seemed really enticing and has lead me to believe she likes me too.

    A few days ago I was flirting with her, I had asked her to go into town with me - she said yes. I then suggested maybe we catch a movie aswell and she said she wanted to but had no money but wanted to go in the future with me.

    I suggested that if we went in the future it might be a date and I could pay for her [casually, flirtingly]. She said that she was very independent and didn't like that sort of thing - ok no problem I though she seems interested in me still.

    Then she dropped the bombshell: that she thought it might be weird if we went out because we're good friends and that she has a "rule against it". Which obviously set alarm bells off for me that she was saying she didn't like me, obviously I was surprised because of the flirting / way of acting etc she had been.

    So I said to her that I thought she liked me too, and she replied with 'I never said I didn't like you' so I'm thinking ok maybe she's playing hard to get?

    We still went into town that day with some of our friends, and although I was a nervous we had an ok time.

    A couple days later we were at a party together - there was some other guys trying to flirt with her etcera but she was having none of it. To be honest I got jealous and started flirting with her too (at this stage both I and her was a little drunk). She defiantly flirted back to start off with but then as the night progressed she got a little annoyed [because I'm told she was drunk and she gets like that sometimes] so I backed off for the rest of the evening.

    [At this point I should mention that one of the people who was trying to get with her at the party was all over her acting really inappropriately. The next day she said that she just wanted to be friends with him and nothing was going to happen. - aside from the "weird" comment she hasn't said anything similar to me]

    Cut forward to this week and she seems to be flirting with me again, laughing at me, teasing me, engaging in conversation, laughing at me in the corridor and messing with me etcera.

    For the time being I'm going to play it cool and flirt with her to gauge if shes interested or not - it's really hard to tell!

    I invited her to a party this weekend, she said yes. I know she wants to go see a film in the cinema thats coming out shortly and I was going to ask her would she like to go to it with me at the party?

    I guess I'm looking for any opinions and advice in general, and then specifically about asking her to the movies this weekend.

    Thanks alot


Comments

  • #2
    104494431
    Closed Accounts Posts: 210 ✭✭104494431


    In my opinion: just avoid it like the plague.

    Regardless of whether she genuinely likes you or not it reeks of mind games, mixed signals and general sh!t that make Irish women the utter retards that they are.

    Aside from that, you're not really going to be able to engage with her at the cinema. I understand that it's a start but I'd be happier if I knew we could go to a pub after (or something) so we could talk etc. Basically, I want to meet her, talk to her, see what she's like, sitting in a room looking away from eachother and not talking is not conducive to this. Though the cinema is a good icebreaker so I wouldn't rule it out.


  • #3
    Overheal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    I think youre overthinking this. What ever happened to gut instincts? Theyve been replaced by google instincts it seems.


  • #4
    Monkey61
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,137 ✭✭✭Monkey61


    She could just enjoy flirting with you and not mean anymore by it. I love to flirt with people and have in the past given the wrong impression to friends because I presumed that we were just having a laugh but they took it seriously.

    To be honest it sounds like she is just having a bit of fun and has no intention of dating you. She did explicitly say after all that she thinks it would be weird if you went out and does not want to date her friends - which I think can be read as her not wanting to date you.

    If you like her and want to make sure though, ditch all the games and directly ask her out on a date. Just ask her once and if she says no or makes excuses then you know that she isn't interested and that's that.

    Having a friend that you can flirt with and have a laugh with in that nature can be really good fun. But if you can't deal with it not being more than that (if in fact she turns you down) then it might be for the best to give yourself a bit of distance from her until you are over it.

    Also I agree with Overheal, you are overthinking. If somebody actually likes you and wants to go out with you, it really doesn't matter when or where you ask them out. If you do it this minute, the response will be the same as if you carefully gauge their mood and ask them at a party.


  • #5
    shellyboo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    mixedsignals wrote: »
    Then she dropped the bombshell: that she thought it might be weird if we went out because we're good friends and that she has a "rule against it". Which obviously set alarm bells off for me that she was saying she didn't like me, obviously I was surprised because of the flirting / way of acting etc she had been.

    So I said to her that I thought she liked me too, and she replied with 'I never said I didn't like you' so I'm thinking ok maybe she's playing hard to get?


    MASSIVE RED FLAG WITH BIG BLINKING NEON LIGHTS... this one's a headwrecker.

    OP, anything other than "yes" means no. She's playing with you. Move on.


  • #6
    Peggypeg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 578 ✭✭✭Peggypeg


    104494431 wrote: »
    In my opinion: just avoid it like the plague.

    Regardless of whether she genuinely likes you or not it reeks of mind games, mixed signals and general sh!t that make Irish women the utter retards that they are.


    Well I wouldn't listen to this guy.


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  • #7
    Xiney
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,085 ✭✭✭Xiney


    <mod hat on>

    Please note that making blanket statements (against an entire sex for example) and using terms like "retard" in a disparaging manner on PI/RI is against the forum charter.

    </mod hat>


  • #8
    kjl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,127 ✭✭✭kjl


    Hmm sounds to me like you are her no sex boyfriend replacement guy, she is not interested but wants a friend she can do things she used to do with her bf


  • #9
    tbh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    you like her, she's not as into you. She never made you any promises, so she's not breaking any promises.
    You can take her at her word- it seems to me she's been very clear about the fact she doesn't want to get with you - or you can try reading between the lines. But don't be blaming her if your head gets wrecked.


  • #10
    mixedsignals
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭mixedsignals


    I appreciate all the comments and yes when she said that about it being weird it set of alarm bells.

    However today she was looking at me smiling and laughing with me. And when we were passing each other day she went to take my hand and held it as we walked passed.

    I'm mad about this girl and if these signals keep up I am going to definitely ask her out, she seems to be playing hard to get but is giving me strong signals - right?


  • #11
    tbh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    mixedsignals wrote: »
    I appreciate all the comments and yes when she said that about it being weird it set of alarm bells.

    However today she was looking at me smiling and laughing with me. And when we were passing each other day she went to take my hand and held it as we walked passed.

    I'm mad about this girl and if these signals keep up I am going to definitely ask her out, she seems to be playing hard to get but is giving me strong signals - right?

    dude, the only person responsible for your actions is you. If you want to take encouragement from her behaviour, that's on you. If you want to daydream about going out with her - that's on you. If you get your heart broken if you ask her out and she says no - that's on you.


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  • #12
    mixedsignals
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭mixedsignals


    tbh wrote: »
    dude, the only person responsible for your actions is you. If you want to take encouragement from her behaviour, that's on you. If you want to daydream about going out with her - that's on you. If you get your heart broken if you ask her out and she says no - that's on you.
    Yeah thanks I get that.

    What I'm really looking for here is to try and gauge if shes actually interested in me which would give me the confidence to ask her out.


  • #13
    tbh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    mixedsignals wrote: »
    Yeah thanks I get that.

    What I'm really looking for here is to try and gauge if shes actually interested in me which would give me the confidence to ask her out.

    she's told you she doesn't want to go out with you, didn't she?

    If you choose to believe she's lying, that's on you :) If you want to ask her out, ask her out. Take the risk! the worst thing is she could say no.


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