Can't quite get my head around this

LegacyUser

I'm not too sure what way this is going to come out but i need to tell someone so here goes.Just a bit of background (if needed).My wife & I are together over 9 years & we are both 28yrs old. We were married in July this year & to be honest, afer the build up to the wedding, i was really looking forward to just relaxing & just enjoying the freedom that both of us had. I mean, i loved the fact that we could go anywhere at the drop of a hat & do whatever we wanted to do.

Just under a week ago, my wife told me she was pregnant. Now, we spoke about having kids but not until the time was right for both of us & we always agreed that we would try for a family, maybe when we were in our early thirties. Everyone is different & this was always our plan.

However, after my wife told me the news, to say i am struggling to get my head around this would be an major understatement. Now, i am totally aware that it is my wife who has any major changes ahead of her so that is why i am a little wary in telling her how i really feel.I am concious of the fact that i do not want her to worry too much. We havent told anyone yet as we are due to go to Hospital this Friday for her first check-up etc.

I am seriously struggling to comprehend what is ahead of me(i know i'm being a little selfish here) At this moment, i have very little desire to be a parent. You might ask was that going to change in 3-4years? To be honest, i don't know, i'm presuming it would have. We have a good social life & i'm slow to give up this part of my life up at the moment. Some of you well probably think that it is time to grow up etc & maybe you could be right.

I apologise if this comes across any way selfish or 'un-manly' I am totally aware that it is my wife who is the most important person here & that is whay i cannot tell her my fears as i am totally petrified & almost feel like having a panic attack such is the effect this is had on me.

I appreciate any advice i am given

finbarrk

I was the same as you a few years ago. I just made sure that it didn't affect my social life and everything worked out grand.

Novella

It's not at all selfish or un-manly to be shocked and worried in this situation. An unplanned pregnancy at any time in one's life is bound to be a terrifying experience. The fact that you are married doesn't automatically mean that you want to have children.

I understand completely where you are coming from. You wanted to enjoy married life, just you and your wife, for a while before you dedicated yourself to having a family together. Obviously, your wife is now pregnant so what you had planned and what is actually happening are not one and the same anymore. That's bound to be scary.

www.positiveoptions.ie/men
Perhaps you could have a look on this website. Often websites only deal with an unplanned pregnancy from the point of view of a woman which I think is unfair really, but this one includes men too.

You need to remember that while you did not plan on having a baby so soon into your married life, it does not necessarily mean it will be a bad thing. Yourself and your wife will, of course, have to look after a baby but you can still do things as couple.

Talk to your wife about how you are feeling. Considering ye hadn't planned on having a baby for a few more years, maybe she feels the same and would love to be able to open up to you about it. Don't feel guilty because you think you should be overjoyed, this is an overwhelming time for you and it is important that you don't bottle up your emotions.

Best of luck, OP. I hope everything works out for you.

Fiend-Foe

You've only just found out so these feelings are completely normal. You'll get used to the idea in time..

Lollipops23

finbarrk wrote: »

I was the same as you a few years ago. I just made sure that it didn't affect my social life and everything worked out grand.

OP it's a huge life-changing thing that's happened. I'm sure your wife is equally shocked. Perhaps try and subtely gauge how she is taking the news. It's not against the law to feel a little out of your depth!

Don't beat yourself up here, just try and let it sink in.

martdalto

Op, I think you SHOULD talk to your wife and tell her how you are feeling!

She is probably feeling exactly the same shock/nervousness/anxiety/worry you are, and is afraid to say it to YOU!

We planned all our pregnancies, but even though they were planned and we were "waiting" for the day to do the test, it was still a huge HUGE shock when we got the positive result. It was actually terrifying... Especially on the first.

I started shaking, and said to my husband "What have we done?"! I was delighted, because it was what we wanted, but I was terrified. At that stage there was no going back.

Your life doesn't have to be "over" when a baby arrives. It changes, hugely of course... but it's not the end!

To be honest, you are allowed have some selfish thoughts. I don't think you'd be human if you didn't. And make the most of your selfish thoughts and impulses now while you can!!

Things always work out. You'll be fine! And who knows, by the time you are in your early 30's you may have 2 or 3 kids and decide that your fmily is complete, and then at that stage be able to start getting your own life back to normal long before you ever expected to be able.

Talk to your wife... tell her you're terrified/shocked.. and listen to her too.

Good Luck.

LegacyUser

Hi OP Here.Thanks for all the replies. I guess i just have to try & take things 1 day at a time i suppose & try whilst also spekaing to my wife.

Thanks again.