Need your help on this one...Plz...

JohnThomas09

I was going out with a girl for 3 months,everything great until she went to a party and got loaded,kissed another bloke.So i broke it off and moved on.About 3 weeks later i had too many drinkies and ended up kissing her again.The next day I said it would be best stay friends.

From then on we use to text each other everyday.She would always be sending me credit and going on about how great we use to be together.I ignored this for two months as my friends told me to stay clear of her as she had cheated on me before.

Then one night i was out i decided we should give it another go.I told her that i trusted her again and it was silly not to give it another go.She SHOT ME DOWN and said that she would always have a soft for me but thought it was best stay friends.I found this strange and over the next few weeks we stopped texting.

I met someone else and im currently happy with my new girlfriend(one of my ex's friends).The problem is my ex keeps telling everyone that im only passing the time with my new girlfriend until i go back with my ex,which isnt true.
Its a problem as my current girlfriend feels inferior to my ex(which she isnt).Its causing a lot of rows between us recently as my current girlfriend thinks its only a matter of time before i go back to my ex,which is never going to happen.

What should i do??

shellyboo

Ignore your ex, she's only looking for attention. Cut her out of your life totally - no texts, no calls, delete her from Facebook. Eliminate her totally from your life, then set about proving her wrong by being the best bf you can be to your new gf.

Talking to the ex is only giving her feedback, attention, drama... which is what she's living off. You (and your gf) need to learn to ignore her. Think of her as a toddler having a tantrum because she didn't get her own way - because that's all it is.

JohnThomas09

shellyboo wrote: »

Ignore your ex, she's only looking for attention. Cut her out of your life totally - no texts, no calls, delete her from Facebook. Eliminate her totally from your life, then set about proving her wrong by being the best bf you can be to your new gf.

Talking to the ex is only giving her feedback, attention, drama... which is what she's living off. You (and your gf) need to learn to ignore her. Think of her as a toddler having a tantrum because she didn't get her own way - because that's all it is.

thats a good advice but my suitation gets worse,as my ex and current GF are good friends.Before my current GF showed an interset in me,she asked my ex if it was ok and that she didnt want it to drive a wedge between them and my ex so it wouldn't.
I dont want my GF to fall out with my ex as they were always friends and Im not worth that sort of hassel.Any suggestions??

shellyboo

What kind of a friend goes around telling people her mate's bf is only with her until he gets bored and goes back to her? That's disgusting behaviour, she sounds like a poisonous wagon. You, and your gf, deserve better than a "friend" like that.

JohnThomas09

shellyboo wrote: »

What kind of a friend goes around telling people her mate's bf is only with her until he gets bored and goes back to her? That's disgusting behaviour, she sounds like a poisonous wagon. You, and your gf, deserve better than a "friend" like that.

your spot on their.she is posionous but my GF cant see that.My GF was really close with her when my ex's parents split nad they grew up together.When they were teenagers my ex would always have been the popular one and my ex still believe thats the case.She always going on about 'How good looking my ex is'.
I dont agree with this as beauty is only skin deep.How do i prove to my GF she is the only one im intersted in??P.S i dont talk to my ex anymore.

Colonel_McCoy

Your ex is an attention seeker and toxic. Cut her out of your life and dont enable her ego by contacting her. BLANK HER

shellyboo

Hmm, so the problem is really your gf. Well, tbh - this is her issue, not yours. If she wants to listen to her friends vicious rumours, that's her business. Tell her straight that it's not true, but tell her you won't have the same argument with her over and over again when you've done nothing wrong. She's giving out to you about something someone else said, something totally made up - that's insane, and you need to point it out to her. If your gf is not prepared to deal with her friend's behaviour there's little you can do about it, and she needs to realise that.

LegacyUser

Cut ALL contact with your ex. Delete her from Facebook, delete her number, IM, EVERYTHING. Don't think, just do it. Then talk with your current GF regarding your situation. And see how far she is willing to cut your ex out of her life too. Your ex is a poisonous so and so. Cut her out, from both of your lives...thats the only way your current relationship will be given a chance.

I speaks the truth

cupcakes_mcgee

Good for you that you moved on with your life. Maybe your gf isn't the most confident person in the world and for someone to say what your ex is saying can really get to someone with low confidence plus those things can really mess with your head even if you don't believe it. What I think you need to do (maybe I'm wrong) is show your gf that she is the one you want to be with. It doesn't need to be anything huge or expensive but something personal.

JohnThomas09

shellyboo wrote: »

Hmm, so the problem is really your gf. Well, tbh - this is her issue, not yours. If she wants to listen to her friends vicious rumours, that's her business. Tell her straight that it's not true, but tell her you won't have the same argument with her over and over again when you've done nothing wrong. She's giving out to you about something someone else said, something totally made up - that's insane, and you need to point it out to her. If your gf is not prepared to deal with her friend's behaviour there's little you can do about it, and she needs to realise that.

Thanks for your advice Shellyboo.My GF does have a problem but my past(my ex) is what has caused it.I think what im going to do is tell my GF is our ex is always going to be an issue with her then were not going to work out.Im going to tell her that it isnt an issue with me but if it is with her then we'll go out seperate ways.
Is this a bit drastic?

Taltos

Ultimatums are rarely a good idea.

What you are really saying to your GF here is "you are not worth fighting for" - thus reinforcing all her fears.

Sit her down talk to her calmly. Let her know how you care.
Also let her know that in her believing all this sh1te you are feeling upset and lost and need her to believe in you as much as you believe in her.

Also
Facebook etc - cut the ex out.
Next time you bump into the ex - ignore if on your own.
If with your GF or anyone else (witnesses are key) and she tries to talk - just calmly say "I have heard you are spreading rumours about me and xyz. Stop it now. I am with xyz, I love her and your petty jealousy is not nice for anyone." - then walk away and grin to yourself.

fairycakes

Hi JohnThomas

Sorry but that ex of yours sounds like a right cow!! You need to
cut her off completely and if your current girlfriend wants to be friends
with her then grand but you don't have to be!! What is important is to reassure your new girlfriend that you like her. That ex just wants your attention when it suits her!!

Good luck with things

JohnThomas09

fairycakes wrote: »

Hi JohnThomas

Sorry but that ex of yours sounds like a right cow!! You need to
cut her off completely and if your current girlfriend wants to be friends
with her then grand but you don't have to be!! What is important is to reassure your new girlfriend that you like her. That ex just wants your attention when it suits her!!

Good luck with things

Thanks for the advice.BTW I dont speak to my ex anymore and i haven't text her since about 2 months before i started dating my GF.She is a sad individual,none of my friends even recognise she exists anymore.

But to add insult to injury,she invited me and my GF(got the invitation last night) to her birthday party in 3 weeks time.I told my GF that im heading out with the lads that night and wont be going.Now my GF wants me to go with her to the Party.What do i do about that?

shellyboo

JohnThomas09 wrote: »

Thanks for your advice Shellyboo.My GF does have a problem but my past(my ex) is what has caused it.I think what im going to do is tell my GF is our ex is always going to be an issue with her then were not going to work out.Im going to tell her that it isnt an issue with me but if it is with her then we'll go out seperate ways.
Is this a bit drastic?

Drastic, passive-aggressive, manipulative... it's lots of things. Definitely don't do this.

JohnThomas09 wrote: »

But to add insult to injury,she invited me and my GF(got the invitation last night) to her birthday party in 3 weeks time.I told my GF that im heading out with the lads that night and wont be going.Now my GF wants me to go with her to the Party.What do i do about that?

Sit down with her. Tell her, "I won't go to a party for someone who is actively trying to destroy our relationship. I don't like the effect this girl is having on us, she's bad news. If you choose to be friends with her, that's your business, but I don't want her interfering and causing trouble between us any more, so I refuse to have anything to do with her."

Don't ask your gf to choose, just let her know what YOU are going to do to deal with it. It's up to her to make her own choice after that.

Taltos

/\ /\ /\ /\
Bring your gf with you that night - do not leave her alone - may be tempted to go to that party to have her head wrecked...