Lonely depressed male

LegacyUser

Hi folks,
Not sure to say except im feeling very down in myself and dont feel like waking up in the mornings. My head feels like its going to explode.
I have few friends but they are all settled into relationships and dont go out anymore. Thats where most of the problem lies as i feel isolated.
I have my own house, good job, car etc but just pisseed off with life. Any suggestions on how to get out of this dark hole?

Thanks

XarcherX

it's easy to say you should be thankful for the things you do have but i really know how you feel.... did anything trigger this or is it a combination of things?

LegacyUser

Thanks. Nothing in particular, just feeling really isolated and the material things dont seem to matter> All my work colleagues asking me all day what was wrong, i passed it off as monday blues and i really felt like breaking down in tears. Dont feel like facing them tomorrow

ogriofa

Hi,
sorry to hear that.
I'd defo recommend some exercise. If you can, make it strenuous. You can get stuck into a good run/walk, let your mind wander... or focus on a problem.
When you're done, a long shower and feet up on the couch.
Endorphins rock.
If you're being hard on yourself, try and go easy.
Its not a magic fix, but it'll defo help.

LegacyUser

Hi
I was in the same situation and found going to a therapist very good...i think most people can get over hard times eventually but going to a therapist speeds things up...start by going to your gp and they should have a number for some one they recommend...your not alone a lot of people go through hard times emotionally but get through it and end up being be more rounded understanding people ......
In the mean time maybe read some books,try get some exercise,try eat healthy..not always to easy but they all help....
cheers......."the darkest hour of the night came just before the dawn"

Didymus

ogriofa wrote: »

Hi,
sorry to hear that.
I'd defo recommend some exercise. If you can, make it strenuous. You can get stuck into a good run/walk, let your mind wander... or focus on a problem.
When you're done, a long shower and feet up on the couch.
Endorphins rock.
If you're being hard on yourself, try and go easy.
Its not a magic fix, but it'll defo help.

+1 Exercise is key. Was in a hole myself last year with no light at the end of the tunnel. I started running to clear my head. I pushed myself running to release tension. I was really unfit but I kept it up and I just ran the Dublin marathon last week. I feel a million dollars. Running has kept me sane. And the beauty of it is that you can pick it up at any age. Two 80+ year olds finished it. If that's not inspiration...

p.s. I know you're a guy but don't be afraid to try a yoga class to relax or read some spiritual teachings to give you new inspiration into life

littlefriend

I have tried pretty much everything there is to get rid of depression/dark moods [medication, therapy, psychiatrists, hospital, hypnosis etc] but honestly I think the thing that is of most benefit is exercise. It really is amazing for changing your mood/outlook on things.
Also, try to eat some good stuff and give drinking a miss for a while.
I'm in a similar position that all my friends have settled down etc & really I felt crap about that for a long time. I'm not saying this lightly but what is the point in being down? Its practically guaranteed that your life won't pick up until you get hold of your head and make yourself feel better. MAKE yourself exercise. If you are depressed you are probably exhausted all of the time and exercise is the last thing you feel you can do. Just do it. You could go on for years feeling like this, you need to get wage a war against it.

LegacyUser

From personal experience I recommend going to your GP and letting them know you're depressed. They hear this all the time (especially these days I'd imagine) and there is nothing weird or shameful about it. They will probably put you on medication which is nothing to be worried about. It won't cause any drastic change in your personality, just one day after a month or two you will realise that you don't get as down as you used to.
Then you will have a clear head and you can put some thought into what positive changes and plans you can make in your life. It can feel impossible to think straight or see any light at the end of the tunnel when you are feeling as you are now.

Good luck!:)

LegacyUser

dark hole I just want to wish you luck, sometimes all you need is for someone to be supportive and to wish you well. I agree I do think exercise could be a starting point for you to try feel better about your life. I think we all go through phases where we feel a little lost or like we can't go on. I felt like this only a few weeks ago and I watched this program on tv about this girl who has a symdrome called "locked in" syndrome, you may have seen it in the tabloids recently, basically her whole body is paralysed and she can only communicate by blinking and she is fully mentally aware. It sort of shook me up as I wondered why I was wasting my time feeling bad about my life for no good reason when you see what some people have to cope with.

Another suggestion I would say is to maybe ready some self help books. Some of the exercises in these books might help you understand what is missing in your life and encourage you to do something about it. Just remember your life will get better and you won't always feel this way

LegacyUser

Thank you for all the replies of support.
Not making excuses but i find it hard to get time to exercise. Between going to and coming from work im out of the house for 14 hours a day and am just wrecked when i come home so watch some tv before going to be. But guess what, im going to change that starting from today. Going to go for a walk at lunch instead of hanging arounr the canteen and going to enquire about joining my local gwm when i get home from work.
Thanks again for your messages of support and feel free to add some more.

littlefriend

Dark Hole wrote: »

Thank you for all the replies of support.
Not making excuses but i find it hard to get time to exercise. Between going to and coming from work im out of the house for 14 hours a day and am just wrecked when i come home so watch some tv before going to be. But guess what, im going to change that starting from today. Going to go for a walk at lunch instead of hanging arounr the canteen and going to enquire about joining my local gwm when i get home from work.
Thanks again for your messages of support and feel free to add some more.

Thats great. Hope you managed to get out today. I'm thinking you work in an office. I did for years and was frequently depressed. I think doing the same thing everyday can send me a bit nuts. I used to get into Monday - Friday mode and have pretty much the same breakfast everyday, 6 - 8 coffees, same-ish lunch from the canteen, same-ish dinner, same route to & from office etc etc. I'd recommend having a few different routes for your walk at lunch time. Its better than walking the same route everyday.

Another thing, try to reduce your caffeine intake a bit too, drink more water and take fish oils. Your brain is mostly made of fat and water. Makes sense to keep it hydrated with enough of both. Caffeine keeps you on edge which isn't great really when you are already feeling bad. Try some rooibush tea - yumyum.

Keep posting for advice/encouragement. Well done on starting to change things anyway.

That_Guy

Go out, have a bit of a run and take your mind off things then go home and have a shower.

If you're a football fan take your mind off things and watch the Champions League this evening.

santana75

littlefriend wrote: »

I have tried pretty much everything there is to get rid of depression/dark moods [medication, therapy, psychiatrists, hospital, hypnosis etc] but honestly I think the thing that is of most benefit is exercise. It really is amazing for changing your mood/outlook on things.
Also, try to eat some good stuff and give drinking a miss for a while.
I'm in a similar position that all my friends have settled down etc & really I felt crap about that for a long time. I'm not saying this lightly but what is the point in being down? Its practically guaranteed that your life won't pick up until you get hold of your head and make yourself feel better. MAKE yourself exercise. If you are depressed you are probably exhausted all of the time and exercise is the last thing you feel you can do. Just do it. You could go on for years feeling like this, you need to get wage a war against it.

Excellent advice littlefriend, youre spot on there. OP, you gotta fight this and reclaim your happiness. Exercise is a great start as it'll lift your mood and give you the energy to tackle the real issues. As for your friends all being in relationships and you being left alone, Ive been there so I understand completely. I recommend you read "solemate: mastering the art of aloneness" by Lauren Mackler.Its not as scary as the title sounds:) and its not about becoming a recluse or loner, so dont worry. Its about finding yourself which sounds like corny pop psychology but this book is very genuine and practical. Give it a go.

VinnyTGM

Try new thing's that you are interested in, you need something to occupy yourself outside of work.

LegacyUser

Thanks again folks, had a lovely walk at lunch and enquired about the gyn this eve..definitely going to join and will keep you all posted.