Dumped while on holiday - who does that?

elpheba

So very sad.
I just got dumped and we will be stuck in the same room for the next few days.

I keep almost crying, and then catching myself, and trying not to cos he's around.

But i don't want him to go either.

Any advice.

elph

minidazzler

Wow, he's an A-hole!!! Can you afford to get a different room? Or ask to change rooms to a twin room instead of a double room?

G-Money

I think if it were me, I'd be doing everything I could to book an earlier flight home and not even say that I was leaving. Just leave a note/text just as you are about to get onto the plane.

elpheba

thanks mini dazzler.

no , unfortunately i can't afford to move room.
will look into changing room type though.
but i don't think i have the energy for anothr argument;(

minidazzler

Where are you on holiday if you don't mind me asking?

Don't let this dickwad ruin it for you.

Get a room change, head out on the town and have some fun, you will make friends fairly fast in an Irish bar!

cafecolour

Where are you? Like a city or more of a remote location?

If it's a city, it's off season now, go to a hostel or somewhere cheap until it's time to go.

If you can't, just keep yourself occupied out seeing the sites and away from the room for as long as possible each day.

What precipitated this? Was this the first time you two had traveled together? Were you arguing a lot and he basically gave you "well, if you won't do things my way, I'll just enjoy things by myself!"?

elpheba

cafecolour wrote: »

Where are you? Like a city or more of a remote location?

If it's a city, it's off season now, go to a hostel or somewhere cheap until it's time to go.

If you can't, just keep yourself occupied out seeing the sites and away from the room for as long as possible each day.

What precipitated this? Was this the first time you two had traveled together? Were you arguing a lot and he basically gave you "well, if you won't do things my way, I'll just enjoy things by myself!"?

hey
we are in paris.-- its good for stuff to do alright - but its just not the same

i could move to a hostel i guess, but a part of me just doesn't want to leave .

we've been together 2+years. so we'd been away a good few times.

i don't really know what precipitated it.. i can only guess.
there was a flurry of reasons that he gave - that i didn't want to stay in his house when we get back; that my txt msgs are too short. and personal stuff too etc
don't get me wrong . i'm not perfect. i argue and i get annoyed too.
but some of the things he said were so personal. so hurtful.

but i think that part of the reason is that he is under financial pressure, and he resents me.
its been a really tough year for me-, for both of us. financially, workwise, family,etc. but finally, things look a little better for me .
and i think he just doesn't know what to do

minidazzler

OP, you are in Paris, one of the most beautiful cities in the world.

Fcuk him, he's an asshole. Enjoy it, live it!!! Really do, go to the Eiffel tower, Arch De Triumphe, Visit Jim Morrisons grave.

Enjoy it all and pay him no heed.

LegacyUser

What a nasty horrible thing to do to you. I hope you have got yourself your own room in another hotel or hostel or else take yourself off to it asap and stand up for yourself! HE sounds so selfish and if he can't be happy for you when things are picking up for you then that is a major major problem lass.

He must have known before the holiday that he has wanted to break up- even if you patch things up for the sake of the holiday- trust me when you get back he'll dump you again, or still treat you with no respect.

This happened to me this exact same time last year when I went on my first hol with my long-term boyf, and we were drunk, well I was more so, and he chose then to say it was over.. I went into shock. He backtracked then, and we spent rest of the two weeks as a couple on the holiday, things were patchy, and when we got back he broke it off 3 days later.

Hold on to your pride and independence. There are way better guys out there and you deserve better!

Sephiroth_dude

Wow,dumping you on while on holiday is bad form,you'd think he would have done it before ye went or when ye came back,hope your doing ok.

Emme

minidazzler wrote: »

OP, you are in Paris, one of the most beautiful cities in the world.

Fcuk him, he's an asshole. Enjoy it, live it!!! Really do, go to the Eiffel tower, Arch De Triumphe, Visit Jim Morrisons grave.

Enjoy it all and pay him no heed.

Don't waste your time and wreck your time in Paris by staying with a scumbag who dumps you on holidays. If you can at all (and I know Paris is expensive) get yourself a room in a hostel somewhere and enjoy the rest of the holiday yourself. www.tripadvisor.com is good for advice on accommodation.

Chin up!

krudler

You're in Paris, go to DisneyLand ride some rollercoasters, have a laugh, forget about him

Beruthiel

elpheba you could spend a week in the Louvre alone.
You could spend days just wandering around the streets of Paris. Every corner has a new delight.

Both the Latin Quarter and the Bastille have good nightlife, pubs, restaurants.
Being on your own is no big deal. I was on my own in Paris for a night once, went to the nearest bar and it wasn't long before I was talking to some locals and spent the night drinking with them.

If you cannot afford a hostel, then leave early in the morning and don't come back till late at night.
With so many hot french men to choose from, you might not get back at all.
You only live once girl, make the most of your time there.

Miaireland

Call to reception, they might have two small single rooms that they could give you since it is off - peak season.

LegacyUser

Here is a Hotel in St Denis for e30 a night online...
http://www.appihotel.com/info_uk.html

But that's just to make you feel secure while you take a stroll around Abbesses, Place Blanche, and Place Clichy and probably find something, clean, if shabby, and even cheaper that is NOT online. The area is charming and near to everywhere (Unless it has changed dramatically since I lived there, in which case I hope someone will point that out.)...

Of course there are other areas of Paris like that but I do not know them well enough to suggest them...maybe other posters do though?

Not forgetting that there will be cheaper hotels around the one linked above.

It is even possible that if you explain to the concierge of the hotel you are in they will find a way to make some kind of arrangement for you. The Parisians may not be the most friendly people on earth, but they ARE the most civilised. It's midweek, it is Novembre, they can afford to make a little concession or two for the sake of "la politesse".

Paris is too wonderful to waste in a bad atmosphere like that.

S*d him.

sam34

http://www.bookryanair.com/SkySales/FRSelect.aspx

a flight from paris to dublin at 9am tomorrow for under €50

(ive no idea whether you're based in dublin, but you get the drift...)

OS119

i assume, OP, that you've considered the alternative - him deciding to end the relationship but keeping quiet to get a few more days of cheap, smirking sex.

you'd prefer that he'd done that of course?

Lollipops23

OS119 wrote: »

i assume, OP, that you've considered the alternative - him deciding to end the relationship but keeping quiet to get a few more days of cheap, smirking sex.

you'd prefer that he'd done that of course?

Or he could have manned up and had a chat with OP before going on hol?:rolleyes: Don't try and excuse this,it's up there with dumping someone by text.


OP Paris is amazing!!!There's so much to do, think of it this way, you'll never be able to see Paris totally on your own timetable ever again!!Go to Galleria Lafayette, go to Sephora (I had a make up orgasm when I first went there!!) and defo go to Notre Dame. Perhaps avoid going up to the Eifel Tower, it's the haunt of smoochy gross couples:D You can see it from afar though!

opinion guy

OS119 wrote: »

i assume, OP, that you've considered the alternative - him deciding to end the relationship but keeping quiet to get a few more days of cheap, smirking sex.

you'd prefer that he'd done that of course?

Just because he decided to end it does not mean the sex would have been cheap and smirking. Frankly I think if he decided to break up when he got to Paris he should have kept his mouth shut till after the holiday

OS119

Lollipops23 wrote: »

Or he could have manned up and had a chat with OP before going on hol?:rolleyes: Don't try and excuse this,it's up there with dumping someone by text.

he, according to the OP, decided to end the relationship while they were on holiday (in that he made the decision while they were away) - should he have said nothing and pretended all was fine until a more socially acceptable time to dump her, not dumped her, but not shagged her either and brush-off'd the 'whats up?' questions, or should he have made the decision and done the foul deed as soon as possible so as to be honest about it?

it has to be one of them - given that that he couldn't look into the future...

OS119

opinion guy wrote: »

Just because he decided to end it does not mean the sex would have been cheap and smirking.

i'm sure sex with someone you've decided to dump (because they infuriate you) would be hugely loving, sensuous and respectful - and in no way smirking and subsequently make the 'dumped' feel cheap.

thanks for putting me right on that...

Lollipops23

OS119 wrote: »

he, according to the OP, decided to end the relationship while they were on holiday (in that he made the decision while they were away) - should he have said nothing and pretended all was fine until a more socially acceptable time to dump her, not dumped her, but not shagged her either and brush-off'd the 'whats up?' questions, or should he have made the decision and done the foul deed as soon as possible so as to be honest about it?

:rolleyes: *sigh*

You don't choose to break up with a long term partner overnight. Any longish relationships I've been in that broke down have had ****ty weeks (in one case months) in the lead up. I've never been surprised by the break ups.

The OP's boyfriend clearly knew things weren't right before. If he didn't have the stones to break up before the holidays, he could have hung on in there til they got home. Breaking up with someone and then having to spend the rest of the week sharing a bed with them is idiotic and immature.

LegacyUser

Op , dont give him the satisfaction of seeing you miserable. If he was man enough to break up with you then he should be man enough to leave the room ye are sharing and get another one. If he does not do this and he seems like the spineless type then it is up to you to make your time there as smooth as possible. Im not sure if you would like to stay on in Paris, personally i would prefer to go home and return another time, either with friends or a new partner and make happy memories of Paris rather than memories of a week spent alone and miserable.
Perhaps take the other posters advice and cut the cords and come home. At least you can take the time alone at home to collect yourself and then perhaps have a conversation with your boyfriend about his timing of his decision.
I personally think it will shock him if you return without him, you will seem strong and collected. Honestly darlin, i know you would love for it to work out but is a guy that will dump you on holidays and then torture you by staying in the same room as you really someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.....it's hard to believe at the moment but you are probably better off in the long run....learn and become a stronger person for it.
good luck
xx

OS119

Lollipops23 wrote: »

:rolleyes: *sigh*

You don't choose to break up with a long term partner overnight. Any longish relationships I've been in that broke down have had ****ty weeks (in one case months) in the lead up. I've never been surprised by the break ups.

i'd certainly agree that the process of going-off a partner can be both long-winded and pretty obvious, but, ime, there's usually a 'straw that breaks the camels back' that forces the timing. i'm assuming the OP's ex isn't a psychopath who deliberately took the OP on holiday purely so he could break up with her - she'd probably have mentioned it - in which case he's just like everyone else who has to do the dark deed. so yes, he is faced with the choices: none of them are 'nice', all have upsides and downsides. the one he chose had the upside of honesty and the downside of being stuck in a hotel room with the ex for a week. had he chosen a less honest but more socially convenient option i'm sure he'd be being royally slagged off for pretending all was well and shagging her and helping her spend hard-earned cash when in fact he'd decided he didn't want her in his life.

if you have a better option that doesn't include fortune-telling or telling/acting out lies then i'm all ears...

LegacyUser

I had a long term relationship with a person who was previously dumped by her then partner on holiday in a a long haul destination. I was always sympathetic to the pain that caused her.
Then, when she eventually dumped me, it felt just as heartless. OK, not on holiday, but from a distance and on the telephone.

If you've been dumped, I say get out, get away asap. They've made the decision over a period of time but you've been caught on the hop. Leave, and dont look back.

Terodil

I agree with OS119. Break-ups are never nice. And crying over having a 'good holiday ruined' while you are about to break up shows, to me at least, that you have not set your priorities right. Who CARES about the holiday in such a situation?

Better to break up when they had to than to prolongate the suffering and/or lying.

And btw, both of them have nobody to comfort them there and have to travel back 'alone'. A dumpee is not necessarily a victim. So I really don't get why people are crucifying the dumper here.

elpheba

Lollipops23 wrote: »

:rolleyes: *sigh*

You don't choose to break up with a long term partner overnight. Any longish relationships I've been in that broke down have had ****ty weeks (in one case months) in the lead up. I've never been surprised by the break ups.

The OP's boyfriend clearly knew things weren't right before. If he didn't have the stones to break up before the holidays, he could have hung on in there til they got home. Breaking up with someone and then having to spend the rest of the week sharing a bed with them is idiotic and immature.

hey

i was going to be going to Paris anyway -i had to come for work for a few days. he didn't have to come with me. he insisted.
which makes it even worse.

yesterday he wanted to reconsider it. 'well maybe if this, or maybe if that' - thanks to all your support, i managed to say 'no'.

i do feel a little foolish htat i haven't had the guts to move hotel or hotel room or bought another trip home. i go back 2mor neway.

i don't hate him. i am just so disappointed.
and feel more than a little humiliated.

minidazzler

elpheba wrote: »

hey

i was going to be going to Paris anyway -i had to come for work for a few days. he didn't have to come with me. he insisted.
which makes it even worse.

yesterday he wanted to reconsider it. 'well maybe if this, or maybe if that' - thanks to all your support, i managed to say 'no'.

i do feel a little foolish htat i haven't had the guts to move hotel or hotel room or bought another trip home. i go back 2mor neway.

i don't hate him. i am just so disappointed.
and feel more than a little humiliated.

You get a hi-5 for that!!!! Well done!!!

He INSISTED on going? What a plonker.

Enjoy your last night in Paris, there is a restaurant up by that Church that overlooks the whole city. cant remember the name of either, but it has fantastic food. it's an Outdoor restaurant kinda thing. Go there!!

Moomoo1

Terodil wrote: »

I agree with OS119. Break-ups are never nice. And crying over having a 'good holiday ruined' while you are about to break up shows, to me at least, that you have not set your priorities right. Who CARES about the holiday in such a situation?

Better to break up when they had to than to prolongate the suffering and/or lying.

And btw, both of them have nobody to comfort them there and have to travel back 'alone'. A dumpee is not necessarily a victim. So I really don't get why people are crucifying the dumper here.

in this case, the dumpee IS the victim. If someone insists on coming and then dumps you, that's inconsiderate to say the least.

Lollipops23

elpheba wrote: »

hey

i was going to be going to Paris anyway -i had to come for work for a few days. he didn't have to come with me. he insisted.
which makes it even worse.

yesterday he wanted to reconsider it. 'well maybe if this, or maybe if that' - thanks to all your support, i managed to say 'no'.

i do feel a little foolish htat i haven't had the guts to move hotel or hotel room or bought another trip home. i go back 2mor neway.

i don't hate him. i am just so disappointed.
and feel more than a little humiliated.

Well done OP!!Fair play to you for sticking to your guns. He doesn't deserve you, he sounds like such a plonker.

Honestly, just try to enjoy the time you've got left.

And Terodil,I've no sympathy for the ex, he insisted on coming on her work trip only to dump her. I really couldn't give a crap that he "has nobody to comfort him". Boo-frickin-hoo.

Terodil

Lollipops23 wrote: »

And Terodil,I've no sympathy for the ex, he insisted on coming on her work trip only to dump her. I really couldn't give a crap that he "has nobody to comfort him". Boo-frickin-hoo.

Fair enough, me neither, but there's a difference between 'having no sympathy' (which I agree with) and calling somebody names along the lines of 'heartless bastard' (which I don't agree with, because I seriously doubt he did it for kicks).

And the fact that he wanted to go as well does not change a thing at all. It only underlines the fact that he didn't plan to dump the OP, because no reasonable person would have insisted on going otherwise.

Anyway, this doesn't help the OP. Good luck with your life, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

opinion guy

Sorry no i call bollocks on that.

I can't think of a situation where you all of a sudden HAD to dump someone on the spur of the moment outside of discovering they had cheated or discovering they'd committed some horrible crime or something. I know I've stayed with someone I really didn't even like anymore because when I decided I was breaking up with her she had a big family crisis going on so I postponed the break up for a couple of weeks. I'm sure most mature people would act similarly. Dumping someone is hurtful to them - no point in kicking them when they are down and making it cruel too


OP I'm sorry for whats happened to you. I think thou - you're better off without him. So scrape him off and move on

Terodil

opinion guy wrote: »

Sorry no i call bollocks on that.

So you're saying he joined her on the trip with the intention of dumping her a few days in, with a considerable number of days still left? (Lollipops: "he insisted on coming on her work trip only to dump her")

That's a very far stretch. I call bollocks on that.

Edit: Also, a holiday is not a major crisis, so while I understand your point it has absolutely no relevance to the issue at hand. Break-ups are cruel no matter how you make them, the fact that it's a holiday makes it no more so.

opinion guy

Terodil wrote: »

So you're saying he joined her on the trip with the intention of dumping her a few days in, with a considerable number of days still left? (Lollipops: "he insisted on coming on her work trip only to dump her")

No I'm not saying that - thou stranger things have happened. I'm saying he's a childish selfish goon who needs to grow up and not do such childish things

Yeah a holiday is not a crisis. But it is stress as in its not everyday life. Its extermely stressful if you dump someone the first day you get there.

Frankly I'm amazed anyone is defending this guy

Terodil

opinion guy wrote: »

Frankly I'm amazed anyone is defending this guy

Are you really after he's been called almost all vile names under the sun, from scumbag to asshole, for nothing more but listening to his feelings. I don't even agree with your designation of him as 'childish'. He hurt her and himself (that's the point I was making earlier), which makes it a mix between honest and maybe a bit stupid or slow. But rather an honest fool than a liar.

And yes I do not know what exactly transpired but I do feel that a lot of people on this thread have gone way overboard in the condemnation of him for dumping her *on the holiday*.

i55ed5

WOW, he's an ass.! I think you're very brace to still be in the same room as him.! Mucho respect.! Do not give him the satisfaction of crying in from of him.! Go out, meet a few people, have a lauugh.! Go to Euro Disney.!! That'll cheer you up.!! Head up, plenty more fish in the sea.!



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