Moving on from the one you love

givingitmyall

How do you move on from the one you love? We had many problems but who doesn't. I thought love was suppose to get you through the hard times. If you love someone you should never give up on them. I was obviously wrong. Maybe our love wasn't strong enough. But now that it's happened, what would help me to recover. And no, jumping under the nearest guy isn't going to help, It wouldn't be fair on either person involved. Not yet anyway.

I_am_Jebus

Love gets through anything in films. Real life is very different.

Sometimes love is enough. But I am afraid sometimes a lot more is needed than love.

Recovery?

A bit of space from the person concerned. Some "me" time. Get out with friends, do the things in life you enjoy doing and try do them on a regular basis. It can be simple stuff like a long soak in a bath or bigger things like a holiday with friends etc...

I know you're not a good place at the moment, but it will get better... cliché but, time is a good healer.

Best of luck

minidazzler

Well, first thing you have to remember is it is not going to happen overnight. It will take time.

Secondly, while contact with them may be some respite and make you feel momentarily better, it simply prolongs the agony. So try not to contact them. Out of sight out of mind and all that.

Thirdly, It will be hard, you will feel **** but time will ease it. It might never rid of residual feelings, but it will mostly take care of itself.

Lastly, Remember, there is not only one person out there for everyone! There are 6.7 billion people in the world. There are more than a few people for each of us.

Snowie

you've got a void where once there wasa person in your life thats gone now....
You need to find activitys to fill that void in things like, gym new sports, arts and crafts that kinda things that you have an interest in doing but never had the chance try salsa dancing or somthing..

As for your x personally Id say cut all contact and when you know your ready. I mean 3 months personally speaking you need time to look after your self...
Remember nurturing ones self is a good thing at this time of year.

remind my self of thinsg I'm good at. You do have the right to be upset and maybe right about it i find that getting my thoughts out on paper is a very positive way of getting over some one. dont be to hard on your self either. Its easy to get very lathargic at this time doing stuff as simple as going for a walk will really keep you a bit more happy and its a good thing..

givingitmyall

A void yes which makes things worse because he was my best friend too and the one i always turned too. My friends have been great and supportive but the hardest thing is that it's rocked my idea of love and life. I always thought love would conquer all but now I don't know what to. I mean, you need to have a strong bond with the person you love because when it hurts, it hurts a million times more than if it was someone your just friends with. My world has been turned upside down. Naivety is a bitch.

I have broken off all contact but it's made me realize how much he meant to me and how good life was because he was in it.

Nears hoping it gets better sooner rather than later

Thanks guys

dotsflan

hey op sorry to hear your story! but just wondering what exactly was the reasons for your break up and who did the breaking up?

hollis12

givingitmyall wrote: »

A void yes which makes things worse because he was my best friend too and the one i always turned too. My friends have been great and supportive but the hardest thing is that it's rocked my idea of love and life. I always thought love would conquer all but now I don't know what to. I mean, you need to have a strong bond with the person you love because when it hurts, it hurts a million times more than if it was someone your just friends with. My world has been turned upside down. Naivety is a bitch.

I have broken off all contact but it's made me realize how much he meant to me and how good life was because he was in it.

Nears hoping it gets better sooner rather than later

Thanks guys

well if he was your best friend maybe you were a bit rash in cutting contact, sometimes after break ups like this you can still be best friends, remember you were best friends for a reason you must have connected at some level and you can bet it was the same for him as the connection would not have developed otherwise.

how did he feel about the break up?

BraziliaNZ

in my case we broke up partly because of circumstances, i.e. we're living away from each other now. I've been pretty good with the no contact thing, it's been 2 weeks since I've seen her, but I have called her twice. Last time was last thursday and at the end of that conversation she said she would call me in a couple of weeks. I'm fine with that. I just hope it's not because she feels sorry for me but in reality that's probably the reason.
Anyway from reading on here etc and from previous experience I can deduce that no contact is the best way to do it, that you'll come out of it with dignity and wont hate yourself for giving in. Easy to say but hard to do. Be strong and sooner or later you'll feel a lot better!

LegacyUser

I am so sorry to hear of your situation,been there and you actually physically feel like your heart is breaking and the person you loved most has died,its rotten.it was ok to be naive about love,sometimes it works out and then there are people like you and me who went through hell and you are still going through it.I posted here when it was first off after 6 years with my ex,people told me to cut the contact but despite all the best advice (which is really easy to give) its so hard to just do it.I didnt do it and now I blame myself for not cutting contact cos I really believe that we would be back together now if we had.I said some awful things to him and I really dont want anyone to do this cos it just makes it so much worse.The truth comes out when you are hurting,I hurt something awful,practically psychotic to a point but thats ok.Keep yourself busy,but dont drink too much and make those drunken calls or texts or voicemails even!
There is no quick solution I'm afraid,they say time is a great healer but after two years I'm still wondering how much time does it really take!I will get there and so will you.Be strong and dont as you put it "get under another guy",it wont mend your heart....
Cut the contact,dont text or ring and when the time is right you will know when to contact him....its practically impossible to stay friends with someone who was your rock,your best friend,your soulmate when they have walked out of your life,no matter what the previous post said.Impossible.You will never have the same relationship with them again and there will always be a void if you somehow manage to become friends.
Best of luck honey,dont give up:)

givingitmyall

We're not together for a few reasons, lack of communications, lack of trust, not seeing eye to eye on alot of things. Like the way i deal with things. I lost a family member when I was younger so i've learned to deal with things on my own, at least i thought i could. When life got tough i kinda shut down because i knew things would get better and there's no point it going over and over again in my head about it. I shut myself off too much and forgot about his feelings. We were meant to be a team and I wouldn't let him in because I thought i was fine. Even worse, he knew it was effecting me so much and I closed him off even more. I saw it as, if he's right then i can't actually deal with things as well as i thought and that would have made me vulnerable. He must have been hell for him watching the person he loved and cared about slipping in to depression. What he didn't know was that just having him in my life made all the big stuff smaller and more manageable. This lead to us splitting up several times. I would make promises about how would make more of an effort to open up more but kept falling back into old habits. Then a few weeks ago he said he couldn't do it anymore and that was it.

Not being with him made me snap out of my daze and realize i needed to show him how important he was to me and never fall back into those old habits.

Then I found out he's seeing someone else. I went crazy with rage and said things I should never have said. Whats worse, i think it just pushed him in to the arms of the other person because there now going out with each other. I just want him to be happy because he's such a great guy and deserves it, if that means it's with someone else then so be it, i love him that much. I just feel lost now.

I've learned a major lesson from this and I know I wont let it happen again. I know there's someone out there for me. Just feels a million miles off at the moment.

opinion guy

givingitmyall wrote: »

Then I found out he's seeing someone else. I went crazy with rage and said things I should never have said. Whats worse, i think it just pushed him in to the arms of the other person because there now going out with each other.

Wait right there. Was he cheating on you, or did he only get with this person after you guys broke up ?

givingitmyall

He wasn't cheating. He's been hurt because i've let him down again. Think it's just a rebound thing.

opinion guy

I just got the impression like you are being very hard on yourself.
How long since you guys broke up ?

givingitmyall

We finished just over a month a go.

opinion guy

Just a month and he's gone public with being with someone else already ????

To be honest I don't blame you for flying into a rage. Thats poor form (well depending on how long you were going out in the first place that is)


Look as regards your original questions about getting over someone. I firmly belief this whole 'moving on' concept is a complete fallacy. People don't move on. THey change. Over time you assimilate the whole experience and it changes you. You come out a different person at the end. Its a long painful process and it sucks, but generally in the process we learn a few things.

And no, jumping under the nearest guy isn't going to help, It wouldn't be fair on either person involved. Not yet anyway.

I'm glad you said this. Shows you are selfaware enoungh to realise you are not ready for that. Generally its people standard moving on advice to get over one by getting over the next. Awful advice. Never works. Only leaves people feeling empty if you go there before you are ready. But i have to say because you have this selfawarness I'm not worried about you. You will be ok. You just don't know it yet, but trust me, you will be ok.

hollis12

well im very sorry to hear about your past, i think though you should redefine your opinion of ok blocking things out is a myth, it doesn't happen you may consciously block it out but sub consciously it can come out in other ways like depression.

i know its hard to open up trust me but its a matter of having too for your own happiness and if this guy wanted to talk then i dont see why you shouldnt let him.

metrovelvet

There's a huge pressure in our culture right now to "move on". Its one of the new buzz words, part of the zeitgeist. I dont really know what its about or why this pressure exists, but the fact is it takes time and will take whatever time it demands.

There is just no way around it. What will start to happen is the revisionist phase. That is when people start looking at what happenned differently. IMO revisionism has less to do with the truth of the past and more to do with how you plan to move forward into the future. When this starts happenning, you will know the seeds of moving on are taking root.

You just need time. And for the time being spend time being self centred. But dont get stuck there.

Wibbs

givingitmyall wrote: »

hen I found out he's seeing someone else. I went crazy with rage and said things I should never have said. Whats worse, i think it just pushed him in to the arms of the other person because there now going out with each other. I just want him to be happy because he's such a great guy and deserves it, if that means it's with someone else then so be it, i love him that much. I just feel lost now.

Well fair play for feeling that way, but...... he's seeing someone officially a month after what I presume was a long termer? That kinda says a lot to me anyway. If there's that quick a changeover, it's usually planned ahead, and/or its a rebound. Rebounds can last a lifetime too, they're usually dodgy though. Its' possible you pushed him into the arms of another alright, but I reckon that they want to be pushed. If I truly love someone she would have to do a helluva lot of pushing to make me even consider going off with someone else.

can i be frank

im sorry to hear about this sweetheart but love can be enough i think you should talk to him as a best friend to try and confide in him still with exactly what you told us, it may help you move on!