SHOT DOWN IN FLAMES!!!!!!!!!!

NineIronWonder

Hey everyone writing this thread outta pure confusion... need a few answers or somethin...

Well basically the story goes i started havin a little fun in the office physically with a co worker (nothin sexual its an open area with many coworkers) anyhow we are both young, in college etc etc. Anyhow eventually we started texting... mainly her texting me... so this developed for awhile (we confided several things in each other blah blah she began saying how much she wanted to cuddle up with me at night etc.)

Well basically I got the feeling she liked me and when i finally plucked up the courage to tell her how i felt and she SHOT me down... I can handle the whole rejection thing its no biggie im alittle devastated but im sure il get over it... what i dont understand is YTF she seemed to lead me on and on... IM VERY PISSED OFF!!!

Have i got this situation all wrong? I obviously was seeing signs that were not there so how did this happen???


(By the by after months and months of texting i finally just told her how i felt in the belief that she would actually like me and she basicallly said sorry i think we can only be 'good friends') - DAMN!!!! FRIENDZONE SSSSSSHHHHIIIIIIITTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!

(she and i are both 20, its not a full time employment we are both students its just paying a few bills) A friend of mine has told me that im wrong to just give up as we had a minor argument in work a day before i asked her this and he assures me that she is genuinly interested and just a little mad at me. I dunno at all this is completely wrecking my head. Like in the past, just for example she has text me things like 'Id love if u were here with me' at night obviously while she was in bed and 'i can keep myself happy seen as your not here.. think about that ' like i dunno i jus assumed that she kinda like me, AM i GOING INSANE??? This thing has had me down all day

Libertewhite

Seems like she was messing with your head. How did she shoot you down? A direct no?

token56

tbh she sounds like a complete head wrecker and you're better off not getting involved.

I'd say the best piece of advice is to not let this get in your head. Move on and forget about her.

rallye

Women like this are head wreckers, i should know coz i dated one!

It does sound like she is playing a little game (by the way what age is she?)

She liked all the attention you were giving her, perhaps she saw you as a challenge, but the second you said you liked her she thinks "yes, i win, game over"

Now she might even like you but want to see if you will chase her etc... Dont even think about this!

My advice, act like her rejection hasnt bothered you in the least. Shift your attention to other women and start giving her less but at the same time dont let her think you are thick or mad with her.

Start meeting other women, she wont be long letting her feelings be known if she is into you.

By the way inter office relationships are a big no no, too close to home if you ask me.

PaulPaysUpBig

I think she is a bit of a tease, she must like u from what u have described about her actions like ' id love u here with me' and even wanting to cuddle i believe she has a thing for u however u mention some argument maybe shes playing a little hard to get at the moment because she is very annoyed at u?

I wouldn just give up yet on her however i wouldn be rushing to her either. Wait it out

I dont believe the work thing really applies it sounds like a temporary job

iguana

It's possible that she does really, really like you. But as a friend. It's possible to get on great with someone of the opposite sex and want to have fun and spend time with them but not be attracted to them in a romantic/sexual way.

PaulPaysUpBig

on the flip side it looks very much like she has played u from the beginning... forget her shes obviously not worth the hassle and the stress

NineIronWonder

im gutted, my heart is shattered over this i dont know what to do:(

banquo

I may get an infraction for this, but from your post I don't for one second believe that you are 20. *Maybe* you work in an office, but I bet it's for transition year.

I'm not poking fun. I'm just saying that you need to be honest before people can really help you.

NineIronWonder

banquo wrote: »

I may get an infraction for this, but from your post I don't for one second believe that you are 20. *Maybe* you work in an office, but I bet it's for transition year.

I'm not poking fun. I'm just saying that you need to be honest before people can really help you.

As i said its only part time work its not long term but it is in an office and iam 20. Iam being Honest. this does give me any help with the issue i have

cournioni

Well probably the best thing to do is actually confront her, and ask her why she was leading you on when clearly you were interested in more than what she seemingly wanted. If she can't answer you straight out, she's a bitch and you should let her know about it. Women that do this are hateful. Being blunt about things like this will get you a straight answer either way.

opinion guy

PORNAPSTER wrote: »

Well probably the best thing to do is actually confront her, and ask her why she was leading you on when clearly you were interested in more than what she seemingly wanted. If she can't answer you straight out, she's a bitch and you should let her know about it. Women that do this are hateful. Being blunt about things like this will get you a straight answer either way.

Straight answers are overated. Besides I doubt you would get one. People like this thrive on the drama. Take control of the situation back for yourself, stop giving her the ability to hurt you, and just stop paying her any attention. Don't be rude now. You work with this person and its simply not worth the drama at work

Gyalist

The crucial mistake was texting her for months before trying to make a move. It seems that she was attracted to you but by dancing around the issue for months she lost attraction.

Gyalist

PORNAPSTER wrote: »

Well probably the best thing to do is actually confront her, and ask her why she was leading you on when clearly you were interested in more than what she seemingly wanted. If she can't answer you straight out, she's a bitch and you should let her know about it. Women that do this are hateful. Being blunt about things like this will get you a straight answer either way.

Whoa, whoa!!!

Please don't even think of doing this. The situation in the office will be fraught enough without you becoming passive-aggressive as well.

cournioni

Gyalist wrote: »

Whoa, whoa!!!

Please don't even think of doing this. The situation in the office will be fraught enough without you becoming passive-aggressive as well.

As opposed to the OP going through the mental stress of not knowing what the story is? She's messing with the lads head, he needs to know straight up. I'm not suggesting to go around screaming the house down, I'm suggesting a blunt question, yes or no. If yes, then happy days, if no or maybe then he should not bother even talking to her any more. Playing games with anyones head is not a nice thing.

opinion guy

PORNAPSTER wrote: »

As opposed to the OP going through the mental stress of not knowing what the story is? She's messing with the lads head, he needs to know straight up. I'm not suggesting to go around screaming the house down, I'm suggesting a blunt question, yes or no. If yes, then happy days, if no or maybe then he should not bother even talking to her any more. Playing games with anyones head is not a nice thing.

But he already knows the story. She's a game player.

Next......

Gyalist

PORNAPSTER wrote: »

As opposed to the OP going through the mental stress of not knowing what the story is? She's messing with the lads head, he needs to know straight up. I'm not suggesting to go around screaming the house down, I'm suggesting a blunt question, yes or no. If yes, then happy days, if no then he should not bother even talking to her any more. Playing games with anyones head is not a nice thing.

Actually, she doesn't owe him anything. Neither is she playing games or messing with his head. He simply missed the window of opportunity months ago and she is no longer interested in him romantically.

shellyboo

PORNAPSTER wrote: »

As opposed to the OP going through the mental stress of not knowing what the story is? She's messing with the lads head, he needs to know straight up. I'm not suggesting to go around screaming the house down, I'm suggesting a blunt question, yes or no. If yes, then happy days, if no or maybe then he should not bother even talking to her any more. Playing games with anyones head is not a nice thing.

"I think we should just be friends" means no. Anyone with half a brain knows that. Anything other than yes means no, and she didn't say yes.

He's got her answer, hassling her about it now makes him seem needy and bitter. He just needs to let her off and ignore her. She's a total headwrecker, she feeds off his desire and his attention, pushing the point gives her yet more of exactly what she wants - attention and drama. Don't give her the satisfaction, OP. Be cool, act like you couldn't care less. Drop her.

cournioni

shellyboo wrote: »

"I think we should just be friends" means no. Anyone with half a brain knows that. Anything other than yes means no, and she didn't say yes.

He's got her answer, hassling her about it now makes him seem needy and bitter. He just needs to let her off and ignore her. She's a total headwrecker, she feeds off his desire and his attention, pushing the point gives her yet more of exactly what she wants - attention and drama. Don't give her the satisfaction, OP. Be cool, act like you couldn't care less. Drop her.

Fair point. I think the OP knows this already, but isn't really taking it on board because he obviously likes the girl alot.

shellyboo

PORNAPSTER wrote: »

Fair point. I think the OP knows this already, but isn't really taking it on board because he obviously likes the girl alot.

Yup, he's refusing to see the reality.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Gyalist wrote: »

Whoa, whoa!!!

Please don't even think of doing this. The situation in the office will be fraught enough without you becoming passive-aggressive as well.

Surely confronting someone and asking them why they did what they did is the opposite of passive aggression?

Girl's a bitch. MAybe the OP should have mad a move early on but she obviously loved the attention.

Gyalist

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Surely confronting someone and asking them why they did what they did is the opposite of passive aggression?

Girl's a bitch. MAybe the OP should have mad a move early on but she obviously loved the attention.

How is she a bitch? She may have been interested then but not interested now. That's not a crime.

kenbrady

Gyalist wrote: »

Actually, she doesn't owe him anything. Neither is she playing games or messing with his head. He simply missed the window of opportunity months ago and she is no longer interested in him romantically.

Gyalist wrote: »

How is she a bitch? She may have been interested then but not interested now. That's not a crime.

She was flirting, probably was interested in him, she did nothing wrong.
I bet if you had been a bit more decisive and forward, things would have worked out differently.

20 year old, lots of flirting, part time job. I would have waited until flirting face to face and gone in for a hot spur of the moment kiss, who knows where it could have ended up. Rather than telling her you had feelings for her.

martdalto

she began saying how much she wanted to cuddle up with me at night etc.)

'Id love if u were here with me' at night obviously while she was in bed and 'i can keep myself happy seen as your not here.. think about that '

OP - going from the snippet of 2 texts you told us she sent you, she was leading you on BIG TIME.

Well basically I got the feeling she liked me

Understandably. I wouldn't be telling anyone I'd just have to "make myself happy" in their absense, if I didn't want to give them any ideas.

she basicallly said sorry i think we can only be 'good friends'

I think she's very immature and just playing with you. Now that she has told you No, she wants you to work for her...

It's up to you whether you'd be bothered or not. How long are you willing to be strung along before you decide to give up completely.

Have i got this situation all wrong? I obviously was seeing signs that were not there so how did this happen???

You haven't gotten anything wrong apart from maybe your approach to letting her know how you felt. And you weren't seeing signs that weren't there... they were there in NEON! She just decided to turn them off. I agree with KenBrady, you should have gone out a few times, and just gone in for the kill with a kiss! (That's what my colleague did to me, and we're married now!)

I think she's being a bit childish. She obviously likes you, but for whatever reason doesn't want to admit it... although telling you she's about to masterbate, is probably getting pretty close to admitting it!

It's up to you now. I guess if you back off completely, you might find she comes running. Or else she'll just drift on, and you'll find someone who isn't such hard work.

opinion guy

... although telling you she's about to masterbate.....

??? Huh ???
I must have missed that....

shellyboo

opinion guy wrote: »

??? Huh ???
I must have missed that....

You did

NineIronWonder wrote: »

Like in the past, just for example she has text me things like 'Id love if u were here with me' at night obviously while she was in bed and 'i can keep myself happy seen as your not here.. think about that ' like i dunno i jus assumed that she kinda like me, AM i GOING INSANE???

opinion guy

WOW
Even more of a teasing game player than I thought.

RUN - RUN LIKE THE WIND

Gyalist

Gyalist wrote: »

How is she a bitch? She may have been interested then but not interested now. That's not a crime.

+1 ... a LOT can change during "months and months" of texting.

martdalto

Deleted User wrote: »

+1 ... a LOT can change during "months and months" of texting.

Well it all depends on how recent her "come hither" texts were. If they were recent, she's led him on, and therefore a bitch. If they were sent months ago - and then she just went back to texts of "Hi, how's it going?", he missed the boat, and she's possibly the nicest girl in the world(?)!


EDIT: I have friends I would NEVER send them texts about cuddling up with them or "making myself happy" in their absense. And I wouldn't like to receive them from any of them either.

OP - if she sent that text recently enough, I would ask her does she text all her "friends" like that?!

Or maybe just ignore everything about her from now on..

martdalto

martdalto wrote: »

Well it all depends on how recent her "come hither" texts were. If they were recent, she's led him on, and therefore a bitch. If they were sent months ago - and then she just went back to texts of "Hi, how's it going?", he missed the boat, and she's possibly the nicest girl in the world(?)!

Absolutely ... and according to the OP "in the past" she sent the "come hither" texts and it was after "months and months" of texting, her mainly texting him, of her sending these messages and confiding things in each other that he finally plucked up the courage to tell her how he felt.

Not to mention the OP's other post from AUGUST where he asks what these texts she's sending meant.

He missed the boat.

NineIronWonder

the come hither texts started months ago and continued and continued and continued... she never stopped:(



Im so hurt and devastated over this i cant stop thinking about it and everytime i do i feel sooo much pain:( im a wreck...

bSlick

You should've just acted like a man and asked her out months ago. Instead you waited around like a young lad, agonizing over whether she like you or not, and then you went and 'told her how you feel'. How you feel is that you are attracted to her and you want to bone her. No point dressing it up as any more than that, it's lust, you don't love her, you don't know her well enough to love her. Instead of impressing her with a bit of initiative by asking her out when she was giving you all the signs you left it for months and months which gave the impression you hadn't the balls to make a move and then eventually you went and told her you have feelings for her which just gives off the impression that you are a bit of a pussy.

Next time don't bother telling her about your feelings and just straight ask the girl out if you are into her.

I'm sorry you're so hurt, truly I am, but you'll get over this.

You both let this carry on for months and months with no escalation and settled into a nice routine of flirting. Then you decided to try to take it to the next level and she's not prepared to go there so you're pissed off with her.

Don't make that mistake again.

shellyboo

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm sorry you're so hurt, truly I am, but you'll get over this.

You both let this carry on for months and months with no escalation and settled into a nice routine of flirting. Then you decided to try to take it to the next level and she's not prepared to go there so you're pissed off with her.

Don't make that mistake again.

This is a good point, actually. I still think the girl is a headwrecker, but OP, if a girl tells you she's masturbating to you/for you, it's generally a good indication that she's interested - you could have saved yourself months of mental torture here by just making a move to begin with. Lesson learned for next time, get things straight from the get-go. Too many of these attention-seeking wagons about giving the rest of us a bad name, you need to be clear about what you want from the start in order to weed them out.

martdalto

Did you actually ask her out, or did you tell her you liked her?

How recent was the last "sexual" text that she sent you before you made the move..

As in did she send you "I'll have to make myself happy" on Sunday night, and Monday morning you approached her?

If so, she's just a head wrecker.

I do think you should have just gone out for a casual drink, and gone in for the kill... but alas that boat has now sailed.

Just keep away from her now. Move on and find someone who won't be such hard work! Plenty of good looking, sexy, single girls out there, who won't wreck your head (too much!;))

NineIronWonder

martdalto wrote: »

Did you actually ask her out, or did you tell her you liked her?

How recent was the last "sexual" text that she sent you before you made the move..

As in did she send you "I'll have to make myself happy" on Sunday night, and Monday morning you approached her?

If so, she's just a head wrecker.

I do think you should have just gone out for a casual drink, and gone in for the kill... but alas that boat has now sailed.

Just keep away from her now. Move on and find someone who won't be such hard work! Plenty of good looking, sexy, single girls out there, who won't wreck your head (too much!;))

I basically said well i like u as a friend wat would u think of being more than just friends? - like this is a girl whose been in my house sat in my arms watchin tv... im soo confused about it all... shes carrying on as if nothin ever even happened...im feeling very sad and yet a little angry about it

it was maybe a week or so before like...

the problem is i cant really avoid her at the mo, i go to work shes there, i go on facebook shes there and i get the instant message 'wats up ' and ending wit 'il text ya k ' like i cant be all cold and jus freeze her out it wont work... and ontop of this i find myself thinking about her still everyday...

opinion guy

Facebook is bad, mmmmmkay ?

Just stay off facebook for a while. Or even easier than that just 'Go Offline' on facebook chat then noone can see when you are online and noone can chat to you

martdalto

Was going to suggest the same as opinion guy.. just go offline!

If you're online and chatting to others, then just send her a short message.. "Sorry, can't chat. Chatting to XXX".

It is ok to blank her! You can blank her without it actually being a "blank". You can reply, but keep it short sweet and let her know there is no room for "chat" or texts.

I think you have fallen big time for this girl. I think she knows you have fallen big time for her, and is reveling in the attention. She clicks her fingers and you hop to it! Stop hopping!

You can do this by being polite but firm. You can't be her "friend" because as you said you are "devastated" by being knocked back. So stop being her friend. She is your work colleague. Treat her the same as you do the other colleagues, no more no less. If she tries to initiate a chat on facebook and you genuinely don't want to get involved in it.. tell her. "Too busy, sorry".

If she texts, either don't reply, or reply very vague... "ok, talk to you later" Letting her know that the door is closed for a long text conversation.

You think you HAVE to be friends, and be constantly in contact with each other. You don't. She's your work colleague who you have a crush on. She knocked you back. Why do you feel you need to constantly be nice to her? If it's hurting you, then STOP! You don't need to be rude, just firm and obvious. (Something neither of you have been up to this!)

mood

iguana wrote: »

It's possible that she does really, really like you. But as a friend. It's possible to get on great with someone of the opposite sex and want to have fun and spend time with them but not be attracted to them in a romantic/sexual way.

Rubbish IMO. You don't tell a friend you want to cuddle them etc. She lead him on. Just forget about her. Not worth thinking about. She probably just wanted male attention to boost her ego.

Taltos

Not sure if this will help you but...

One other thing to consider is that you never ever ever stood a chance with this girl.
You may (it is possible) just have met the infamous "make you fall for me" or the equally viscous "egocentric" creature that is rumoured to break mens hearts on an ongoing basis.

All I can suggest now is as above - damage limitation.
Be polite - as you never know, but learn from this - don't delay next time, otherwise you invest too much time and feelings. But also be prepared to be rejected and just laugh - it is their loss after all...

I am not saying she is this mythical creature - but with texts like that I know I would have been knocking on her door within 20 minutes...

Hobart

NineIronWonder wrote: »

I basically said well i like u as a friend wat would u think of being more than just friends? - like this is a girl whose been in my house sat in my arms watchin tv... im soo confused about it all... shes carrying on as if nothin ever even happened...im feeling very sad and yet a little angry about it

it was maybe a week or so before like...

the problem is i cant really avoid her at the mo, i go to work shes there, i go on facebook shes there and i get the instant message 'wats up ' and ending wit 'il text ya k ' like i cant be all cold and jus freeze her out it wont work... and ontop of this i find myself thinking about her still everyday...

Maybe the "friends" bit she seen as a 'cool' answer to somebody she sees as "easy". Here's how I suggest you should play it:

1) Don't go on facebook at all for 2 weeks
2) Don't "do" the whole text thing, tell her you've no credit, no time...whatever
3) Tonight, when she texts you, tell her you out for a drink/meal/cinema with somebody else, and that you cannot text at the mo, "see ya tomorrow" should be your sign-off
4) Get out and meet other people
5) Drop the whole "friendly" bit of the relationship in work, and get on with doing your job.
6) If she continues to text you "suggestive texts" tell her out straight that you do not think it's appropriate for "friends" to be texting in this manner.