Is sadness killing my relationship?

iheartny

Okay, I'm going to keep this as short as possible....

Basically since my dad had cancer 3 years ago my life has just snowballed from one crisis to the next and I just don't really smile much anymore, which as a result is just making me moody and grey around my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years and causing us to take time apart because we're having silly little arguments.

my dad got ill around christmas 2006 and id say until july 2007 my life was on hold but he got better and i remember being happy for say...a year. then september last year my dad had an affair and as im the only (child but im 24!) still living at home i had to really deal with it on my own and help my mum out. she forgave him then the idiot didnt it again and basically he's on his last life now. my home life is quite unbearable to say the least.

i think what im trying to say is that all of my personal problems has had a big effect on me. im quite an emotional person anyway but i dwell on it all a lot, i worry about my mum every minute of the day. i always said i'd never be depressed because im such a happy-go-lucky person and im always one to look on the bright side and every day i try so so hard to stay strong but im just so sad inside and i feel like ive lost my spirit.

this has had a big effect on my relationship i think- petty arguments arise all the time (and i cause most of them) im so highly strung and we've just had to take time away from one-another so we can start wanting to be with each other again. i hate that. this has had a snowball effect on our sex life which is once in a blue moon when neither one of us wants to kill each other, which as a result makes me feel like my boyfriend doesnt want me anymore or doesnt find me attracitve...but i know its not the case, deep down i know he's just sensitive and hurting from all the arguing. he cares about me so deeply and i fully understand him not wanting to be intimate with me. i suppose i see the arguments with my boyfriend as trivial compared to what i go through at home so i brush them off too easily.

i want my relationship to work so much. the love i feel for my boyfriend is so strong and almost over powering. i just feel like im not myself anymore. im trying too hard to make him happy whereas before i made him happy without doing anything. im worried if i put my relationship aside and maybe try and deal with my other issues i'll drift too far apart from him. from my part, i just feel that if i find who i am again it will solve 90% of the arguments and problems with my boyfriend, but will he then feel worthless if i cast him aside to sort my own head out?

im just an inch below water and i dont know how to put my life back on track. my boyfriend is understanding that im going through a lot but he can only give me so much credit for my erratic mood swings...i feel like im in a big giant mess but i cant approach my doctor about my issues because i dont think i am depressed, i just need my head unravelling. i have never ever ever even thought about ending my life, im so grateful for everything i have...i just took a wrong path and i dont know how to get back on track?

Libertewhite

How do you feel you took the wrong path? My opinion on your dad is that he lost the plot a bit with the affair, but I can only assume he was going through a terrible time with his cancer and he turned the wrong way down his path bringing you with him.

Obviously your boyfriend loves you dearly and only wants the best for you, all I can say is try take it easy on him, can't blame him for the troubles your family is in and im sure you don't but when the oven gets hot, all around are feeling the heat, if you know what I mean:).

Your boyfriend is your future, correct? Fix today for a bright future;)

iheartny

Thanks for your reply. I guess I just don't seem to know myself at the moment so I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere along the line...

Yes my boyfriend is very much my whole future. I suppose I'm just worried of losing him but I can't seem to contemplate keeping him until I sort myself out.

Libertewhite

Mind if I ask you a few questions, so I can get a clear picture in my head...

Did you mean "the idiot did it again"?
Is there a lot of tension at home, living with the parents? This could make things far more worse for you and your BF and causing all the problems for you two!

Here is a long shot, but maybe you need to move out...to a healthy environment! Maybe ask what your BF thinks of that? Or would it be too risky since the state of you two at present isn't the best!

How were you two before all this happened?