Tell her I still like her?

LegacyUser

Hey,

I'm looking for some opinions and advice on what I should do. Recently I was out with a group of friends and the ex was there. We broke up a couple of months ago because she was just out of a LDR and wanted to be single for a while without any commitments, we had only been going out for a few months at the time.

At first I was upset cause I really liked the girl, but I got over it. However after seeing her out for the first time since we broke up, I realized how much I still like her, and the thought of her been with somebody else really bothers me now too (I'm really annoyed with myself for feeling like this after all this time ) I've discussed this with a few friends, both male and female, and they are divided as to whether I should tell her how I feel or not.

I'll see her out in a few days time and it could be the last time I see her again in a long time (it's a function for a group of our friends hence why I'll see her again).

I want her to know how I feel, and I think hearing it from her regardless if it's good or bad (I don't think she feels the same way as me though) will be good for me, cause then I can at least know she doesn't like me in that way, rather than thinking it was just bad timing the first time we went out (or maybe she does still like me).

I don't want to look back and regret saying nothing (whats the worse that can happen afterall?), but I don't want her to think I've been obsessing over her since we broke up, cause thats not the case at all. However some think it would be best just to leave it, move on and cut all contact (we do talk occasionally every week), despite the fact that she is a friend.

What do you think? tell her or not? Personally I thought it was best just to tell her in person, so at least I know. But, like I said, some of my friends disagree and now im not sure at all.

CDfm

OP - I see nothing wrong with it though it does seem a fairly lame reason to break up.

I myself would be a bit reticent. You might ask her out date wise as an alternative and if she says yes then her actions will gave you the answer i.e. if she is up for a second date etc.

That should give you the answer and allow you to keep your dignity

SarahSassy

What will happen if you get her again? Are you sure you are not just bored / lonely and want her cos you cant have her. Examine your motives and if they are honourable then do say something, if not and you think that you may get restless again then let her off.

G-Money

I think you need to be careful here. You've been away from each other for a while and while you might not totally be over her yet, you've inevitably made a lot of progress in that department.

To be honest, I don't have a lot of time for someone who will end a relationship because "they want to be single for a while". In my own mind, if you give someone a chance and they throw it back in your face so that they can "be single/sleep around" then you don't give them another.

Are you sure you aren't just looking back through rose tinted glasses? It's very easy to look back at someone or something and forget the bad stuff and remember only the good. Also, I'd almost bet the house that she's been with someone else, given that her reason for breaking up is another way of her saying she wants to see other people. So you might be holding on to some slim hope that she hasn't been with anyone, but how will you feel when she officially confirms that she has been with someone/has a boyfriend?

I'm not saying don't do it. But only if the benefits genuinely outweigh the negatives.

Personally if I was going out with a girl and she ended it so she could be single, I wouldn't be giving her a 2nd chance. Also think of it this way. Do you think she'd have broke it off with some other guy that she really liked so she could be single?

Anyway, all the best.

kenbrady

annoyedwithself wrote: »

Her
We broke up a couple of months ago because she was just out of a LDR and wanted to be single for a while without any commitments

You
I want her to know how I feel, and I think hearing it from her regardless if it's good or bad (I don't think she feels the same way as me though) will be good for me, cause then I can at least know she doesn't like me in that way, rather than thinking it was just bad timing the first time we went out (or maybe she does still like me).

If a woman ends the relationship saying 'I feel ...', 'I want ....', 'I need .....' add in space, to be single, time to think etc. It means the she doesn't have feeling for you and you have no hope of getting back together.

annoyedwithself wrote: »

Personally I thought it was best just to tell her in person, so at least I know.

Tell her if you want, but she either
knows you have feeling for her and doesn't feel the same way about you or
doesn't know you have feeling for her but doesn't feel the same way about you.

If a woman ends the relationship saying 'You ........' add don't love me, aren't committed, cheated, don't treat me well, then you have a chance and can win them back with the big romantic gesture.
The difference between
a big romantic gesture that will melt her heart and have her telling all her friends about how much she loves you versus
making a fool out of yourself with the stunt is how the woman feels about you.

samsung22

She sounds like a grade A bi-atch to me. I wouldn't go pouring my heart out to her but maybe test the waters by asking her for a drink "to catch up" if you want to see if she's interested that way.

You're well shot of her though by the sound of it!

opinion guy

To be honest I also think her reasons for breaking up were bull****. But since you think it would help you too move on even if her answer is negative then i thingk definitely say it too her. Worst that happens is that she says no, you have clarity and you can move on to someone who actually appreciates you

LegacyUser

SarahSassy wrote: »

What will happen if you get her again? Are you sure you are not just bored / lonely and want her cos you cant have her. Examine your motives and if they are honourable then do say something, if not and you think that you may get restless again then let her off.

No I don't think I am bored/lonely, I mean there is another woman who is mad to be with me (she has admitted this to me, im not be cocky or anything :P ) and we have fooled around a bit as they say, but I don't feel the same way about her as she does for me, so we are remaining just friends. I don't believe the ex has anything to do with me not going out with this woman however.

Just like you all, I have questioned the reasons for break up in the first place, when we started going out in the first place she had only broken up with her Long term ex for like 2 weeks (she did the breaking up, I knew both of them at the time). She was the one who asked me out also, so it does smell a bit like a rebound if I'm been honest.

I agree with what your all saying, maybe I am looking at this through rose-tinted glasses. I do like the idea of asking her out for a drink or movie, that way I'll know how she feels without looking like a fool telling her everything.

Thanks all, I appreciate the advice.

daisybelle2008

samsung22 wrote: »

She sounds like a grade A bi-atch to me. I wouldn't go pouring my heart out to her but maybe test the waters by asking her for a drink "to catch up" if you want to see if she's interested that way.

You're well shot of her though by the sound of it![/quote]

Were on earth did you get that from? Sounds like she parted with the OP in a pretty mature and honest fashion.

Maybe she let him down gently but it was obviously a huge rebound risk he took as she only split up 2 weeks from previous guy.

Turning on the person who splits up with you instead of moving on and accepting it gracefully is pretty pathetic in my book.

How is what he doing now with this new girl who is in to him any different?

samsung22

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

samsung22 wrote: »

She sounds like a grade A bi-atch to me. I wouldn't go pouring my heart out to her but maybe test the waters by asking her for a drink "to catch up" if you want to see if she's interested that way.

You're well shot of her though by the sound of it![/quote]

Were on earth did you get that from? Sounds like she parted with the OP in a pretty mature and honest fashion.

Maybe she let him down gently but it was obviously a huge rebound risk he took as she only split up 2 weeks from previous guy.

Turning on the person who splits up with you instead of moving on and accepting it gracefully is pretty pathetic in my book.

How is what he doing now with this new girl who is in to him any different?

Are you the girl that dumped him? Somebody is AWFULLY defensive around here all of a sudden:rolleyes:

CDfm

annoyedwithself wrote: »

No I don't think I am bored/lonely, I mean there is another woman who is mad to be with me (she has admitted this to me, im not be cocky or anything :P ) and we have fooled around a bit as they say, but I don't feel the same way about her as she does for me, so we are remaining just friends. I don't believe the ex has anything to do with me not going out with this woman however.

If it was me I would be going out with this woman and forget your ex

LegacyUser

CDfm wrote: »

If it was me I would be going out with this woman and forget your ex

Aww I like her as a friend, and that is all. I don't want to mess her about.

PaulPaysUpBig

TELL HER!!! at least shell know how u feel about her and she can decide herself