Not getting over him quickly enough

magneticimpulse

sorry i edited this, as it seemed like too much infomation at first. ok LDH, in france, guy in ireland. anytime we met, it was short weekend, it either was good or bad. when i say bad, we got food poisoning, hotel mixup, period, no dinner etc in on weekend away, general turned me grumpy.

well my moods were not good either, for which i cant explain. definitely being apart from him was so frustrating. last time saw him was in august. agreed to take a break til christmas (when i move back to ireland) for me to sort my moods. that im trying to do...but the break?? should i just forget about the whole thing and forget about him? for me i think he is amazing, although i cant make up my mind as we have not been able to spend time together long enough to find out.

good and bad things happened. i dont expect a relationship to be 100% perfect, but over time i think the bad things which happened can be forgived? its for him to decide of course

samsung22

JESUS. H. CHRIST!!!

Wibbs

samsung22 that was not the kind of helpful post we want around here. Please read the charter of the forum and maybe hang around to get the gist of how this forum works. Thanks

opinion guy

Um, wow. ok. first - that post would be alot easier to read with a few more paragraphs.

look i don't entirely know what to say to you. you've said an awful lot but honestly its not entirely clear to me in places.

Right i'm not going to analyse all the little specifics of this story - and i'd suggest to you that you not do that either since its not really healthy i think. to be honest my overall impression is that this sounds like a very toxic relationship to you - its cause you a lot of ongoing stress and rarely seems to have made you happy. thats not what a healthy relationship should be. and forget about this guy for a minute, but it seems like you have some issues that you need to work on for yourself.

to go back to the guy for a minute - that thing with the web forum sounds pretty awful and manipulative. also he went thru your personal msn and emails at the first opporunity. really that shouldn't be tolerated.

before you say i need to sleep with someone else. i cant do that. if i was to sleep with someone else, it would have to be a relationship and someone special. im leaving france so dont want to start anything. a guy friend of mine did jump into my bed after a wedding in august. but i was pissed, and just closed my eyes and cried myself to sleep. when i woke up the next day and saw this guy, i cried even more because he was not Mr.A. so im not going through that again.

I'm sorry can you clarify this. did this guy have sex with you whilst you just lay there crying ????:eek::eek::eek: did you let him know you didn't want to ? because if he knew you didn't want to and he did it anyhow then you know theres a word for that - rape. I hope its not shocking to you that i say that, but its how it sounds from your descriptions.

I'm trying to be delicate here. my impression you seem like someone who is not very aware of your own boundaries when it comes to physical stuff ? would that be fair to say ? your entire post makes me wonder if any bad stuff happened to you in your past?

before you say i need to sleep with someone else. i cant do that.

i think i can safely say noone is going to tell you that. in fact that seems like the last thing you need right now. for that matter this guy your upset about also seems like the last thing you need right now. to be perfectly honest with you what i think you need is to find a good english speaking therapist. i also think depending on how you carify the wedding story that you should probably go see a rape or sexual assault councillor. if you can't find this all i france then you should definitely do it when you get back to ireland

Zaph

magneticimpulse wrote: »

im nearly sure that sort of comment is aloud on this forum...rules are, if you dont like it, dont comment!!!

Similarly magneticimpulse, comments like this can be viewed as back-seat modding which is also an infractionable offence. Please stick to the reported posts button in future.

magneticimpulse

hi opinion guy

no no no its not like that at all. thats where everyone and including the ex are getting it wrong. People assume i have issues and something happened to me!! its not like that at all. i met him, he was so happy and i was so happy. he thought i didnt like him but i did (i just knew i could smother people and loved him so much i didnt want to do that). i tried to show i liked him, but it came across as smothering. then its "i have issues". he suggested "i have issues". but i dont. im just alone in this country, studies and want to finish and move back to ireland. ive never been in a long term relationship. i just never met the one, so although 28 i feel like im only 17 when it comes to that department.

the friend at the wedding. no ive never had physical contact with him. he has been my friend for 5 years. we used to hang out alot when we lived in england. in january i met him for dinner with my ex and other friends. at the wedding he said, oh i was suprised you turned up with someone, you could have told me you were dating someone. thats another story. no i got into bed, closed my eyes, and thought i wish my ex was here as i really miss him. nothing happened with this friend, i had my pyjamas on. i just couldnt be bothered to get in an arguement with him to get out. we have shared a bed before when i came to visit friends and nothing ever happened. ive guy friends like this, so i think thats why the ex got very protective of me and checked up on me. it was long distance, so i could understand his reason for this

opinion guy

the friend at the wedding. no ive never had physical contact with him. he has been my friend for 5 years. we used to hang out alot when we lived in england. in january i met him for dinner with my ex and other friends. at the wedding he said, oh i was suprised you turned up with someone, you could have told me you were dating someone. thats another story. no i got into bed, closed my eyes, and thought i wish my ex was here as i really miss him. nothing happened with this friend, i had my pyjamas on. i just couldnt be bothered to get in an arguement with him to get out. we have shared a bed before when i came to visit friends and nothing ever happened. ive guy friends like this, so i think thats why the ex got very protective of me and checked up on me. it was long distance, so i could understand his reason for this

o thank you for clarifying. my apologies for overinterpreting.
hmm i'm not sure what else to say right now

magneticimpulse

the friend from the wedding is not in the picture at all. its not an issue.

well time will tell what happens. i just felt the ex was quite confused and he said himself he wanted space to think clearly. he said we needed to take a break and if he or I met someone else...well thats it, if we still liked each other this christmas or even next april it might work. he said he was completely madly in love with me, but my moods were an issue. he said now he cared for me and we could have a future together and that we just needed to get our heads clear and i needed to move back to ireland so we could have a normal stable relationship...but...we agreed we "might" meet for coffee and see how it goes over christmas. its not a guarantee. he said he really had the potential to love me and make a go at things and has told me over and over again that the christmas thing can happen and to stop annoying him and not to expect to hear from him until then and even then ive to send the email to meet for coffee. in the meantime i need to sort my moods out.

then the forum thing? it just messed my head a lot, because he is not clear with his own head. im just trying to get my life together, make sense of all this.

the advice i need...is that i have to be the person he fell in love with. the person who isnt needy that doesnt depend on this person. i just want to snap out of it, because i think the christmas coffee thing is a joke? can people have breaks? and get back?

opinion guy

but my moods were an issue

can you elaborate on that. do you have problems with mood swings ?

magneticimpulse

well now im alone i dont experience the mood swings. but with him definitely, i thought it was because i started taking the pill. when we were so happy i wasnt on it(1st 6 months). but thats another forum.

due to his job with alot of men, he does have a strange school boy humour. and he kinda just thinks in a straight line. future plans just involved him...he moved to belfast to save money for "his" house. so things like this frustrated me.

but yeah id go in a mood about his flat, his car, how we spoke so late and i was tired for work, how he came to visit during weekdays and id be late for work as we were shagging. i dont know why i would have these 30 minute rants, or send these by text, because afterwards i think, why the hell did i do that?? ive absolutely no idea why. i spoke to doctor but they brush it off. therapy he said i dont need to take mood stabilizers. i even had a childish tantrum with my parents and my brother a few weeks ago. he 20 and had his girlfriend over. yeah im so jealous they been dating 4 years. so i went into a little teenage sluk. my parents said at my age its not acceptable. basically i feel i never left my teenage years. ive still lots of spots.

i really liked this guy and devastated it ended and worse of all the finger is pointed at me. and he even says "ive to become a new me and sort myself out".

opinion guy

magneticimpulse wrote: »

well now im alone i dont experience the mood swings. but with him definitely, i thought it was because i started taking the pill. when we were so happy i wasnt on it(1st 6 months). but thats another forum.

well see this is EXACTLY why i asked that question. it could well be playing with your moods. i think you should dicsuss with your doctor about the pill you are on. they might be able to suggest an alternative if appropriate

due to his job with alot of men, he does have a strange school boy humour. and he kinda just thinks in a straight line. future plans just involved him...he moved to belfast to save money for "his" house. so things like this frustrated me.

yes to be honest he does sound immature from all your said earlier. also sounds like he has his own moods.

i spoke to doctor but they brush it off.

no thats not good enouhg. find a new doctor. one who specialises in women's health and knows about stuff like pills effect on moods.

therapy he said i dont need to take mood stabilizers.

woah i woulnd't go near mood stabilisers without formal diagnosis from a psychiatrist. GP's don't prescribe this stuff willynilly.

i even had a childish tantrum with my parents and my brother a few weeks ago. he 20 and had his girlfriend over. yeah im so jealous they been dating 4 years. so i went into a little teenage sluk. my parents said at my age its not acceptable. basically i feel i never left my teenage years. ive still lots of spots.

ok so its not just when you were with him that it happened so
have you spoken to a doc about the spots ? because there could be hormonal reasons behind that too. Really I think you should see a doctor who takes you seriously. referral to a gynae may be in order. don't accept that brush off crap. in fact i would not go back to the same doctor. get a second opinion from a gp with a special interest in women's health or if you can't get that get a referral to a good gynae

i really liked this guy and devastated it ended and worse of all the finger is pointed at me. and he even says "ive to become a new me and sort myself out".

I do think sorting yourself out is good. but do it for yourself, not for him.

magneticimpulse

thanks so much opinion guy. its really great that you take the time to respond. its means so much to me. i be 29 next month and the biological clock is ticking. i feel i should have more of a hand at relationships at my age. starting to feel like a hopeless case that just cant even get started in a relationship. ive no idea where the time went by. for me i just want to get back to ireland. people say its bad there, but i want some prospect of actually getting into a relationship and settling down. i was even thinking of going it alone to have a baby as ive really given up on relationships. i feel i would feel an adult, loose my teenage feeling.

as for the spots i took roacutane about 4 times. its meant to make you suicidal and its not good for the liver. so i think i took as much your body can handle. i went to 2 gyaneo and they gave me stronger pills which i was originally on. two different types, so ill try each one. one gyaneo said, sure if ya take this your spots will go away and you can get a boyfriend. (again with the french language barrier its been a nightmare getting help). spots were always the issue why i had low confidence in meeting guys. it was really bad during my college years, so i never had a boyfriend, then i left ireland and havnt lived there since. but my skin has cleared up alot. to be honest im sticking to this pill even if i am single as my body seems to be doing ok with it.

yeah i definitely want to be a good a person as possible in a relationship. i just find it difficult to even get into one i just dont know where to start, its like the movie how to loose a guy in 10 days is mean. just everything i do is wrong. i so want to shake the teenage drama thing and feel my age

opinion guy

one gyaneo said, sure if ya take this your spots will go away and you can get a boyfriend. (again with the french language barrier its been a nightmare getting help).

did they do any test like hormone levels and ultrasound and stuff or just treat ur spots? seriously thou - stuff may be getting lost in translation. what i would do is ask around for someone here who specialises in this stuff and go see them when you get back.

magneticimpulse

yeah ive been to about 3 skin specialists to sort out my skin (2 in hospital), grand. to be honest that doesnt bother me now. 5 different gyneo (2 in hospital and ultrasound) and asked for hormone test...they said it was grand and normal. im also going to pyschiatrist (in french). just a month or so before im finished. 3 years in france was hard, but ive made it and i hope to get all the help i can in ireland. maybe i just met the wrong guys? all my friends think im completely normal and say this guy just messed with my head so much.

i dont want to sound completely stupid, but if there was any good relationship books that would be great. i think im starting to feel myself and this guy just completely destroyed any ounce of confidence in myself. i used to be so confident and happy. i peeled myself from the computer today and went out shopping. which was nice.

anyway thanks again opinion guy, much appreciated

magneticimpulse

ok i read oxy drives post and the way the girl says "not now maybe in the future we can be together". thats exactly my problem, its wrecking my head. and wibbs advice that its BS, just to get on with life. thats good too.

opinion guy

magneticimpulse wrote: »

all my friends think im completely normal and say this guy just messed with my head so much.

as I said earlier from the stuff you removed - yes i tihnk this guy was bad for you and it was a totally toxic relationship. frankly he sounded like a manipultor and a bully. he went thru your personal emails FFS.

As wibbs would say - scrape the guy off.

Your better than that. You know I'm going to tell you something. When i first looked at the length of your post i thought, oh God I'm not reading that. But then i thought - no wait magneticimpulse has given other people on here very kind and considered advice. she's a kind person who took the time to do that for these strangers so i will do the same for her. So i think - give yourself some credit. your a decent kind person. you deserve someone who will treat you right and appreciate you. don't tolerate this crap from this game playing manipulator