physical eh...

LegacyUser

hi

this is I am sure a common enough thing, but I am feeling a bit anxious I guess

Myself and my boyfriend who I care a lot about, tried to have sex last night.
while I did want to do it and was turned on, my guy who is experienced well more than me just couldnt penetrate me.

I just was too tense or nervous.
While my guy was okay with it, but I could see this hurt him.

is there any tips for me to relax and to reassurne himself that I do want him

krudler

Was it your first time? you need to be pretty relaxed and wet down there for it to happen, plenty of foreplay, maybe a drink to loosen up your inhibitions a bit and relax, and enjoy it, sex is meant to be fun its not a challenge to be overcome, and talk about it, nothing worse than having a big white elephant in the room when it comes to these things

Sinall

Was it that he tried to penetrate you and you didn't feel that you were fully open? (sorry if I am a little graphic here!)

Sometimes, making sure yourself that everything is in the right position etc etc and not at an awkward angle, can help.

ogriofa

Hi,
I'm no guru or anything like that, but you sound like you know exactly whats wrong. It's just that you need to relax.
You can't relax on demand, try this, 1 2 3 RELAX!

I'm assuming its your first time with this guy?
Take your time.
Get a whole night where the 2 of you can take it reeeeeaaaalllll slow.

LegacyUser

My girlfriend had the same problem. It took a couple of weeks for us to do it. She told me that she couldn't do it with other men in the past at all. I was the first for her. She used to talk to me about getting help from therapists and all. I told her she didn't and it would happen when it happened. I think I was understanding 'cause I knew of the condition. We messed around in other ways and got close by cuddling and sleeping together. In the end it worked amazingly well. The first time we did we had amazing sex. We came together too.

Just give it time. Talk to him and explain it to him fully without being embarrassed. Men really appreciated openness and honesty. I'm sure he will be fine with it. I was....

Memnoch

Hey OP,
All sound advice so far. Don't focus on the penetration as being the be all and end all. Just try to enjoy yourselves and forget about "it." There's lots of fun stuff you can do without penetration. Play with each other, go down on each other, dry hump (can be very sexy). You'll soon be more comfortable and enjoying it and then one day, it'll just happen.

Sex is one of those things that the more you think about it, the more difficult it becomes, but if you and your man let yourself, you can enjoy your sex life without penetration.

muboop1

guestQuestion wrote: »

hi

this is I am sure a common enough thing, but I am feeling a bit anxious I guess

Myself and my boyfriend who I care a lot about, tried to have sex last night.
while I did want to do it and was turned on, my guy who is experienced well more than me just couldnt penetrate me.

I just was too tense or nervous.
While my guy was okay with it, but I could see this hurt him.

is there any tips for me to relax and to reassurne himself that I do want him

Your first time im assuing??

Do not worry.

It's more normal then it sounds.

My gf had the same problem. Like if we stop having sex for over a month we can encounter this problem when we start again even.

You may not know it, but you are tense/nervous. For the guy ti will feel like a wall. He can't penetrate it not without hurting you.

And the more you think about it the worse it gets...

Honestly, you have to stop thinking, and go extremely slow. It may take you a few goes even.

Take a few times, let him slowly and slowly go deeper inside you. Slow is the key because if you get uncomfortable it will hurt you and set you back.

Address the reasons you are nervous with him. This is paramount. Worry about performance? Heard horror stories? Pressurised into it? Not ready? whatever they are you should try address them bast you can.

Stay vocal with him. Tell him whats happening.

Lube might help but not essential! Get him some durex feathlight condoms or equivalent, as this can take a while and you don't want him losing em... heart :cool: and every bit of friction he can get there will be welcome in keeping him up.

And most of all you need to accept that its something you can overcome and there is nothing wrong with it!

LegacyUser

One more thing that helped us doing it was her going on top and rubbing herself as she did.... Might help you out 'cause otherwise it could be painful for you....

pisslips

I've experienced the same thing with a girl. There's no answer besides patience. The guy will be happy if he comes and you come at the end of the day, thats all I really care about as a man.
Don't be afraid to 'do everything else' first. I'm sure you'll be comfortable enough with him at that stage.

LegacyUser

thanks

this really help I will try it out.
I am afraid though that he thinks I would want him, or something
we havent talked a lot since, I will work on that.
It very much an elephant in the room at the moment all right.
thanks