no more break ups!

marigold29

I'm nearly 30 and I've had...wait for it...6 long term relationships lasting between a year and two and a half years.

They've ended for a variety of reasons but I've ended them all, sometimes because I'm bored, sometimes because we were arguing all the time, once because I was too young, once or twice because I was left with no choice.

Most have been not exactly boyfriend material but we've made a go of it anyway. Two were nearly perfect but it finished anyway.

Usually I just find that we're arguing and bickering all the time, and generally that I start to feel under appreciated and taken for granted.

For example, except for one guy, no man has ever taken me anywhere, done anything particularly romantic. I've never got any presents or flowers and I find I end up, with every guy, doing there washing, cooking, planning stuff to do together, doing everything really. And eventually I get bored and leave.

Not that it doesn't hurt, it does each time, but I generally conclude theyre just not good enough.

So now I'm with someone, and I love him, but then I've loved them all. And lo and behold, a year into it, and he does nothing for me, never suprises me...for example I didn't get a christmas or birthday present! He cares about me but just does nothing extra.

Is not cheating really the best any girl can expect from a guy?

I'm thinking of leaving. But it will be my seventh major break up. Most of my friends are married or enganged!! How on earth do they make it work? I feel like theres something wrong with me, that I must ask too much.

I have a good career and I'm independent so every time I break up I just concentrate on my work.

Will I never make a relationship worK? I'm depressed and feel I'll end up alone.

BroomBurner

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but the common denominator here is you. You need to look at your own actions/requests/responses with your current boyfriend.

Why do you do their washing?

Did you ever just talk to them about these things?

marigold29

oh totally! I talk until I'm blue in the face. With the chores and things, they just don't get done if I don't do them. My current boyfriends socks are so smelly that I can't be in the same room as him:-) So I wash the socks...he won't do his washing until his clothes are practically walking out by themselves.
But really there have been such a variety of reasons with every boyfriend, although none of them have involved cheating. One guy hit me out of the blue, so I left. One guy drank way too much and acted like an idiot when we were out. Another just wouldn't get a job.
I know it's pop psychology but I'm afraid that because my parents had such an unhappy marriage and split up when I was young that thats the reason I can't find any suitable man...
I'm endlessly looking at myself don't worry!
And I know it's my fault for choosing the wrong types of guys. But I don't know how to choose the rights ones!
I look at people in long-term happy relationships who aren't constantly at eachothers throats and wonder how the hell they do it.

magneticimpulse

1st of all we not all married and settled. im 28 soon to be 29 and single. i might have had 1 serious relationship?? but depends what you call serious? ive never lived with anyone. when i tell this to guys they look at me like ive 20 heads. ive no kids and again i get funny looks...no house im trying to sell with an ex. tell guys i dated someone for a year...and they like, what is that all?? yeah ive met lots of guys...few weeks, months flings.

but ive been concentrating on me, traveling, working, getting an education. i was never in the one place long enough or wanted to get tied down in another country that would mean not being able to go back to ireland. if you were not happy in these relationships it was the right choice to end it. i would love to be in relationship and alot of my friends too...but we just keep meeting the wrong guys. but you know what, its not us. its taken a long time to realise that. sometimes you do just meet the wrong guy. but the key is to realise that, move on and find someone you do, to find someone you deserve and not settle for anything less. im sure it will happen. but if you dont get out there and find out it will never happen. dont be in this relationship for the sake of being in a relationship or because everyone else is married.

take all the other relationships as experience and lessons. you gained things from them, you just dont realise. you have more knowledge now than you did in your 1st relationship. you know now, more than ever what you want in a guy and that experience well gained.

BroomBurner

Ah, ok, well you had some very good reasons for breaking up with boyfriends.

Do you move in together quite soon after going out? Maybe you just need more time living apart? (not to be taken as retrospective advice!)


On the washing thing: Try not to give in on the washing thing though. He will eventually run out of something to wear and will wash them himself. If the smell is bad, put them in another room, but don't wash them.

On the parent thing: I don't really buy in to a parent's effect on an indivual's relationship. You have the power to decide how you live your life. If it really is serious, maybe talk to a professional about it.

daisybelle2008

marigold29 wrote: »

Most have been not exactly boyfriend material but we've made a go of it anyway.
Usually I just find that we're arguing and bickering all the time, and generally that I start to feel under appreciated and taken for granted.

For example, except for one guy, no man has ever taken me anywhere, done anything particularly romantic. I've never got any presents or flowers and I find I end up, with every guy, doing there washing, cooking, planning stuff to do together, doing everything really. And eventually I get bored and leave.

So now I'm with someone, and I love him, but then I've loved them all. And lo and behold, a year into it, and he does nothing for me, never suprises me...for example I didn't get a christmas or birthday present! He cares about me but just does nothing extra.

Is not cheating really the best any girl can expect from a guy?

If they are not boyfriend material, then trying to make a go of it is pointless and soul destroying.

Been treated like an unpaid skivvy is not acceptable and a complete dealbreaker.
I am not sure how you could say you were in love with all these guys. You need to raise the bar on what you deserve, you are setting your standards way to low.
You might attract a better class of boyfriend if you don't settle for crap.

Your current boyfriend does not buy you a present or treat you in any way and his hygeine is so bad you cannot be in the same room as him.
I would not call him or any of the others 'boyfriends'.

Treating each other well and fairly emotionally, physically and materially is a minimum expectation of either partner in a relationship (boyfriend or girlfriend). That is entry level for a relationship.

Dear God not cheating is NOT the best a girl can expect. If you believe that at any level even a little bit you are going to end up miserable.

What is love to you? How can you profess to love any of these guys? 'Love' seems to be some kind of hopeless delusion, fixated on any poor wretched excuse for a human.

Don't waste your time on relatioships till you like your self enough to want the best and believe you deserve that. You will attract that when you get to that place.

G-Money

Sorry to hear about that.

I think it's pretty unfair that you didn't get a birthday present or christmas present. It sounds like you have had a bad run of luck alright, but I'm not sure how to advise you. Maybe just be a wee bit more observant or something, so you can maybe see these traits earlier in these guys. So maybe then you can leave before investing too much time.

And if it makes you feel any better, I'm male, 32 and have no relationships whatsoever, not even a ONS. So there you go. I think that's probably worse!

SarahSassy

marigold29 wrote: »

I end up, with every guy, doing there washing, cooking, planning stuff to do together, doing everything really. And eventually I get bored and leave.
.

You are the problem here not them as such. Quit being a doormat and ultimately losing respect for yourself. Just cos you give and give dont assume people will give back.