Why cant i talk to people????

LegacyUser

Ok at the moment my life is just so s**t I cant begin to explain. I have major emotional issues going on that I find it hard to live in the here and now. Iv so many things going on in my head I just need to let them out. Im a young man early 20s, and I feel as if iv never really fitted in in so many situations throughout my life. Some of my feelings include rejection, never being liked, different, and odd. Im a shy lad and have been as long as I can remember and for this reason I absolutely hate myself for it. I would love to just be able to talk naturally freely and comfortably with anyone, but I just can’t. When I go to talk to people I become overwhelmed with inner thoughts and just want to leave the person as quick as I can, this has stopped me really getting to know people over the years.

When out in a pub or situation where im put on the spot to talk I get really nervous start sweating and get all anxious and flustered, this has lead me to avoid many situations where i know I just don’t feel comfortable. When interacting with others my mind goes into a mode that starts telling myself that ‘they wont like me, I am boring, iv nothing to offer, why am I here’. Everywhere I go and everyone I meet im just haunted by my inner thoughts. I thought that I would grow out of these thoughts as I grew up and went to college, but to be totally honest they have just gotten a whole lot worse. When I was younger I suffered at the hands of bully when I joined a sports team at about 10 years old, this had a snowball effect as others joined in and started at me as well. I got a lot of this as a child from neighbour’s aswel and felt really left out. I could never understand why I got hassle because I never really did anything to deserve it and just wanted to be friends with these guys. From a young age this made me feel odd as I was too quite to stand up for myself and just took all the abuse and tried to ignore it I couldn’t even bring myself to tell my parents. To this day I am still really quite around these guys on the sports team, which again makes me feel different. I take critism very badly and over the years have found it very hard to stand up for myself.

In my early teens I became good friends with a guy who was in my school a class ahead of me, and I did a lot of ditch drinking I was only 14 years old and drinking every weekend with his friends who were 1 or 2 years older than me. At the time I thought it was the best feeling ever but looking back now I realise how stupid I was. I have no doubt that this is also a factor that has hindered my development as part of my youth and innocence was stolen. Again I never told my parents of this they had no idea of what I was at. When I was 16 I got the sense to stop hanging around with these guys as my so called friend betrayed me, plus the fact that they were starting to use drugs and I just didn’t want to become part of this scene.

Another factor that is bugging me is my ability to form relationships with women, any girl iv ever got somewhat close to in my life iv just f**ked up big time and never spoken to the girl again. I find it hard to let them into my life and just avoid them, because I know if I get to trying to build a relationship il freeze up and wont be able to talk or seem interesting to them and this has been the story of my life with women from about 12 years old, fair enough I can attract them physically but what good is that when you just cant talk to them and awkwardness sets in. I hate myself for being like this. I just feel like a complete misfit socially and it’s just the worst feeling ever as it has taking over my life and iv lost interest in almost everything and my self confidence and self esteem are at rock bottom.

I was on antidepressants 12months ago and went to a councillor but found it hard to talk to them and stopped going and stopped taking the tablets. I am going to see a different councillor at the moment and still find it hard to talk but I am doing better this time around. Ok I think il leave it at that I probably sound like an awful whinge bag but this is just how I feel and feel the need to share my feelings and look for decent advice off someone who might be feeling emotionally scared like me.

Kevster

Hi,

You seem to have been putting yourself in situations that you know you aren't happy in, and you've been doing this for your entire life so far. If you don't like going to pubs, then don't go. If you don't like talking to people, then dont' do it. Try to generate some arrogance here - yes, I said arrogance - because you seem to be completely lacking in any ounce of it. It can be a very good trait to have, especially when you are being led through life by someone else other than YOU. You need to say 'enough is enough', grab the wheel to your life, and steer it in a way that you want it to go... ...NOT what another person (or people) want it to go in.

I've probably just made an embarassment of myself here, but I don't care, to be honest. I've gone well past the point of ever caring what others think of me. I do see myself in your right now though, albeit a past 'me'.

One more thing... ...an anti-depressant won't ever magically take away your pain. Get back on whatever it was you were taking and stay on it. For whatever reasons which I won't divulge here, I'm guessing that it's an SSRI called Lexapro. Get back on it.

Kevin

magneticimpulse

Hi, I read your thread and you say you cant talk to people easily. well maybe you can build your confidence by chatting to people on the internet 1st? you made that 1st step by posting your note. your life experience seems similar to most peoples. people can get bullied when they are younger, which is bad but i wouldnt let that stick with you now. you should not be a victim thats for sure. nobody is perfect and everybody gets nervous talking to other people. everybody wants to feel accepted in society. we all make our mistakes with friends or relationships, say things we wish we didnt say. nobody has the perfect relationship. the bullies are the most insecure people, they do these things to make themselves feel better, whether it was bullies at school or now.

you have to look at the positive choices you made in your life. you drank young, but you snapped out of it and didnt get involved in drugs like your friends at the time did. that was a very mature and good choice to make. you then went to college. i wouldnt feel so down on yourself. sounds like you have really achieved alot of things and focus on these.

if you can join meetup.com, they have lots of things happening which doesnt necessary involve the pub. usually people are very friendly and very open to accepting all types of people because they are there to meet new people and make friends. they are usually people who for various different reasons want to get out there and be friendly.

greengiant09

alryt,

first of all, despite you thinking your some kind of freak, your situation is quite common, it's just not that well publicised. you'll actually find similar posts in personal issues from time to time. I myself had similar problems.

your social awkwardness, self-esteem and low confidence stems from the bullying and other criticism you received from when you were younger. it basically has been re-inforced and "programmed" into your head at this stage so that you automatically go into negative thinking mode when you are in these social situations.

i disagree with the other poster who advised to use anti-depressants....they work short-term but don't get to the heart of the issue. It sounds to me like you suffer from social anxiety disorder......research it thoroughly on the internet.....there's loads of info about it......it can be successfully treated by using cognitive behavioural therapy.....i for one can testify to that!

good luck

scarymoon1

hey - something that hepls me - when you see other people having a laugh, talking, being happy etc - just think to yourself why should i be any different? Its not fair they are having fun and im not! At the end of the day we are all the same. And you have as much a right to be totally yourself and not caring as they do. Just do it