Do I have to accept this?

LegacyUser

My OH and I are in a bit of a mess.

2 nights in a row after telling me he'd be home for dinner after work (resulting in me forfeiting the usual pasta and veg easy dinner for something more effortous to make, roast chicken on night and roast beef last night) He came home so drunk on Tuesday night at5am I had to go out to the taxi, pay for it and take him in, nothing was said, instant forgiveness/acceptance.

last night he came in soaking wet, smelling like cat urine telling me he was down at the loch with his workmates drinking bottles.

He had wet pink socks from a girl in his bag and told me he wants me to wash and dry them for for her?

I got angry that he got into the bed wet, it was 06:30 AM and he was stinking to the point that it woke me right up despite having been asleep prior.

He fell asleep and I woke him up and told him to remove his trousers shoes and shirt because they were stinking, wet and that this is our bed. He sat up and shouted F OFF at me and then said "has anyone ever just told you that? Would you ever just f......" He fell asleep again so I had to try get his trousers off and shoes like I normally do when he comes home drunk like this, and he was deliberately being awkward holding them up. I got so upset and shouted "would you please just take these off and stop being so difficult!" and i got more upset and began to cry. My sleep had been ruined, he was acting the maggot...

It was at this point that he began to mock me, and laugh at me for crying, and make sound effects . I came downstairs and was stilll crying and he shouted would you mind shutting the f*%*% up i'm trying to sleep".

He fell asleep then and still is asleep now. I took a week's holidays off work, and this is how it's been spent. I don't know what my next step should be...

LegacyUser

They say advice is something people look for when they already know the answer.

No you dont have to stand for this. Noone should have to stand for it.
Stand up for yourself.

Best of luck

Millie

Dump him and quick.

Who the hell does he think he is and surely you can see that he is not a "boyfriend" but a drunk inconsiderate, selfish toad.

mood

If this is a regular thing (it sounds like it is) I would leave. Has he a drink problem?

snowy2008

he sounds like a real beaut

dump his sorry ass and have nothing to do with him, your worth more than that, why are you putting up with it, i wouldnt call him a man, he sounds like an animal but then again, animals wouldnt even do that, definalty get rid, put up with this no more, life is way too short

metrovelvet

Like any other health hazard in my house, I would throw it in the bin.

ash23

No, you don't have to accept it.
Whether you choose to or not is up to you.


Nobody is forcing you to stay with him and put up with this crap.
Whatever about him coming home drunk, we've all done it.
But him demanding you wash socks, you undressing him like a baby while he resists, him mocking you and shouting abuse at you?
You either stay and hope he changes (which he won't as he clearly has no respect for you) or you walk.

I know what i'd be doing. His dinner would be in the bin and his bags would be in the garden.

Oh The Humanity

God, reading that gave me flashbacks. Not good.

I will only give you one piece of advice. Dump him and soon.

He will only get worse.

Colonel_McCoy

Simple BIN HIM NOW

Barracudaincork

I had an ex who used to do this, until one night i was so tired and sleepy i "accidently" put the double lock on the door and when they rocked home at 6.30am they couldnt get in, as i was also "oh so so so tired" i never heard the banging on the door to let them in, an awful shame as they had to sleep in the apartment corridor!!!

By 1 o clock that day, i not only had left them, but the country we were living in and i moved onto bigger and better things.

Move on from him and start cooking roasts for people who will appreciate them, he isnt even worth roast giblets!!

Beruthiel

You're a doormat in his eyes.
He has zero respest for you.
You deserve better.
Dump his ass. Today.
I don't get why you are even asking, it's as plain as the nose on your face.

LegacyUser

He is a drinker, it was never this bad though. getting drunk coming home and falling asleep was his thing. the abusive side has become worse by several degrees only recently. he had his phone off after work so i couldn't contact him at all. I didnt know where he was til he told me

I want to tell my parents but i can picture my dad coming up to give him a piece of his mind and then taking me out of here.. We've so many plans and this type of thing just kills me, it's so hard to think that he would ever treat me that way, it's as if i've imagined it all... it doesn't feel real.

Eve_Dublin

You´re asking a rhetorical question you already know the answer to. Nothing about your post gives us any reason to think you guys should stay together so I think you´re just looking for a bit of back up to finalise a decision I think you´ve made already and you know something, I would pay good money to see you dumping his sorry ass.

ella87

You help him out of his clothes??
Is he a child? sounds like it.
Are you his slave? I dont think so!
Get rid nobody should be spoken to like that.
Good Luck xx

Beetlebum

Aw you poor thing...that sounds awful.

I know it's easier said then done but if I was you I'd pack a little bag and leave the house now while he's sleeping. Go stay with your family or friends for a few days and let him wake up with a hangover and no sweet gf handing him a roast.

Thank God you took some time off or you'd be f*cked for work.

He has no respect for you. He needs to learn to appreciate how lucky he is to have a decent gf. Maybe he's fallen out of love with you, it certainly sounds like it.

Be strong, grab your things and leave.

Nevyn

No you do not have to accept it, if you do things will get worse.
That does not mean the end of your relationship if he is willing to accept his behaviour is not acceptable and work to wards changing it and treating you better.

But he seems to have no respect for you and often when that happens there is no going back, sounds like you are being used to keep house and he comes and goes as he pleases.

You may have to face the fact that you will have be ready and able to walk away from this, you can't make him change you can only be responsible for yourself in your life.

You should not accept this type of carry on.
You don't have to put up with it.
You may have to face that this may mean ending the relationship if he won't change.

Gholimoli

Op sorry but im going to be brutally honest with you.
Im sure you know that his behavior is not normal by any means.
Notice the way i didn’t say acceptable?because it is acceptable for you and the reason why i know this is because people just don't act like that out of the blue.
They don't just wake up in the morning,go out,get drunk ,come home and act like an a**hole out of the blue with their partner.
Usually people have the potential to be that way but they don't start acting that way suddenly.
They build up to it.they keep testing the boundaries to see what is acceptable and as long as they don't see a barrier,they will just take it further.no resistance means to objections and that alone gives them the green light.
Im sure you know what im talking about.your issue with your partner actually has a very easy solution .as every one before me has said,you have to let go.
However the bigger issue is,why you have not done that already?
This is obviously hurting you at some level ,otherwise you wouldn't be posting it here?yet you seem to prefer posting your issue here,in exchange for getting some sypmathy of posters,rather than dealing with it the proper way.
I could say allot more really but nothing that you don't already know.
This prob sounds harsh to you but im being real.

Toots

OP, you don't have to accept this. If you want to live with an animal, I suggest you get a dog/cat something that will be affectionate and won't be coming home drunk and abusive. The answer is a simple one really, as everyone else has already said - give him his marching orders. It might hurt for a while, but you will be far, far better off in the long run.

iguana

sadhurt wrote: »

He is a drinker, it was never this bad though. getting drunk coming home and falling asleep was his thing. the abusive side has become worse by several degrees only recently. he had his phone off after work so i couldn't contact him at all. I didnt know where he was til he told me

I want to tell my parents but i can picture my dad coming up to give him a piece of his mind and then taking me out of here.. We've so many plans and this type of thing just kills me, it's so hard to think that he would ever treat me that way, it's as if i've imagined it all... it doesn't feel real.

It sounds like he's an alcoholic and his problem is getting worse. As long as he keeps drinking and behaving this way all of your plans will come to nothing. You can stay with him all you want but you won't get the life you planned while he drinks like this.

You need to leave him, you really do. The only way you have a shot at a good life is to leave him. You never know, it might be the wake up call he needs to change. It's possible that you will get the future you want now but only if you take action. But no matter what happens you will never have a good life while he behaves like this. So go, if it changes him you can decide if you want to give him another chance. If it doesn't change him then at least he won't destroy your life alongside his.

Tinkerbell09

when you say you both have so many plans, i presume you mean the future..eg travel/a home of your own, marraige/kids.. consider..
travelling abroad with him and him disappearing on you in a foriegn/not too safe country?
drinking your mortgage repayments?
making a holy show of you at your wedding?
scaring the kids by coming in roaring at you all at dawn?

you may have a rosy tinted picture, dont we all, and i know you are trying hard to create a lovely home for you and him, but he is more interested in drink, so much so that he is verbally abusive to you.
pack your bags, and walk away with your head high. you are better than this.

amdublin

I'm sorry. I think you know the answer to your own question. You just need the strength to do it.

Leave him now. Leave him now and never go back to him.

Leave him now or else stay and struggle for the next few years and end up leaving him then.

Leave now.

tgirl

You have to be strong and go your family would be heart broken to think you are allowing yourself to be treated like this.