Is depression a permanent thing?

LegacyUser

Hello. I'm 19, male and feel constantly depressed. I have felt a type of low-level depression between the ages of 14 and 17, but at least then I was capable of feeling pleasure when good things happened. I was in control of my own mind.
It is in the last 2 years that I've fallen into that type of depression that is impossible to just "will" myself out of. I have next to no sex drive, no interest in anything and everyday feel like ending my life.

If I won the lotto, nothing would change.

The best thing about life, girls, hold no interest for me now. I have no interest in drinking, socialising, eating, exercising, television, movies, learning to drive, learning anything, going on holidays.

I have gone from getting brilliant grades in school to being a fcuk up in college, with a very real inability to apply myself to anything.

Everything depresses me. The thought of people I used to know having cars and enjoying their lives depresses me. Other people my age having sex depresses me. The smell of spaghetti bolognese depresses me.

I was put on cipramil by the doctor but I only took 3 tablets (over the course of about 2 weeks) because I hate the idea of needing to take a drug like that just to feel normal.

Half the time, nothing seems real. My vision actually feels blurry and I feel pressure on my head. The thoughts of having to live out the rest of my life like this makes me feel sick and compels me towards thinking suicidally.

Stability in my state of mind seems too conditional. I wonder how I would manage to cope if I had to live in a different age or conditions. If I feel like this now, at the most prosperous time in history and in a first world country, what would i be like if I hadn't have won this lottery of birth.

It pisses me off that I have zero abilty to experience pleasure, during what should be the best time in my life. I'm missing out completely because of this stupid fcuking brain.

If I could painlessly die today I would. I know lots of other people would too. And I 100 % mean it when I say it wouldn't be to make anyone think "aw why didn''t we help him", because I honestly don't have any grudge against anybody in particular. I would just rather not have to drudge pointlessly to my inevitable grave just so as not to make anybody else feel bad.

What the hell is making me think like this. Another thing thats bothering me is that I can't articulate everything I want to say and I don't think I could ever really be mentally repaired by another human being who, in fairness, is probably mentally drained and depressed themselves as a result of their job. I know I would be!

So I'm wondering, will this go away by itself or is it a permanent state of mind that I'll just have to work around? hank you for reading and I'm sorry if I come across as a selfish prick, I never used to be and I really can't help it. Even just there, after I typed the last sentence, when I tried to stop thinking the way I normally do, my vision got slightly blurred and my mind just felt heavy. anyways, thanks for reading.

humanji

No, it isn't a permanent thing, but it's unlikely to just go away on it's own. And there's no real easy answer to it. The medication you were prescribed will help and even though you don't want to have to take pills, you really should. There are chemical imbalances involved in depression and medication can help put these right. They're not a solution and won't deal with all the symptoms, but they will help.

You'll start to feel a little better. It won't be an amazing change, but you'll be able to get a little motivation which can take you a long way. Therapy will also help, even though you most won't want to go. I felt like a f*cking spare when I went first. But it did help, probably more for the fact that I wasn't bottling things up and had a way to vent. It'll help you get to the root of the problem and explore ways of expanding your horizons.

After that, things like a good diet and exercise (another two things that you won't want to do at the moment, but it'll pass ), will help you get more energy and put a little spring in your step.

As I said before it's not easy, but it's by no means impossible. You'll get through it, don't worry.

sam34

depression is an illness, like any other illness.

if you broke your leg, you would go to hospital.

if you had a seizure, you would go to the doctor.

depression should be no different.

it is a treatable illness. there are treatments, both tablets and counselling/talking treatments.

your GP will be able to discuss them with you and advise on whats best.

good luck

I'm 19 too, was put on anti-depressants at 14, stopped taking them (with advice from my doctor of course) at 16. I still felt crap. I'm not going to explain how bad I still felt because I'm sure you know yourself.

It did take alot of time and still takes alot of effort sometimes, but I feel better. Not deliriously happy or anything like that, but I definitely would consider myself as someone who had depression, not someone that still has it.

I know it doesnt feel like it to you right now, but it is COMPLETELY within your power to make this a temporary thing. It will take time and it will definitely require effort on your part, which means trying your best to change the "there's nothing I can do, this will be here forever" attitude you're feeling. Obviously the fact that you've posted means you do want change.

I used to want to die, used to think about nothing else, felt completely stuck. Looking back at the amount of stuff I've experienced since then, I'm SO glad I stuck around to find out that it was just temporary. Life is tough sometimes, life is great sometimes, but every second is worth it in the end. Sounds cheesy, but its true.

LegacyUser

You havent given the anti depressants a real 'shot'. You wont know if they worked for you until 4-6 weeks. Im 34 and had my first episode of depression aged 18. I can tell you the anti depressants have worked for me and allowed me have a better life at different times. Go to a doctor.
Also give counselling a psychotherapy a go. Expression is the enemy of depression. It kills it.
Good look and let us know how you get on.

Snowie

Hey pleaseend

I can pretty much relate to evreything you say. God know's some time's i feel the exact same things with my brain it just never stops. Are you smoking weed/hash?

I'm going to use some what my own experence's. Having suffered a heavey depression from the age of 20 to this age which is 28 and is an ongoing thing.
The reason I got to the stage where i went to a counsillor was I was like you at my witts end trying to be happy and getting nay where but were i wanted to be in life im still not there but i will one day get to that place.

It's gonna start with motivation more so the lack of because i beleave it's the fuel to the fire, that fire being Depression.

So you have no interes in eating no interest in meeting girls no interest in nothing, well then maybe it time you start seeing things in a diffferent light.

for starter's your motivation is low you become lazy you sit in dont soicalise and hide away from the world.
So you can try and take giant steps but they never work. I realise this time of year with gray skys can really make you feel low.

Mwhat I'm oing to sugest to you is more or less what I have to do, and must do every day. It takes a lot of self dissaplined but it can help and does help..

Things like Im going to go and walk for an hour. When you get home tap your self on the back and say well done you just motivated your self for an hour...

Things like doing chores etc there maybe little to be gained from them but there is. Its called satisfaction and even if its only a small thing like
loading or unloading the dish washer. once again you've just beatin your want to be lazy...

The thing i'm getting at is its easy to be lazy its easy to think bad things of our selves. Personally I think it easy to dout my self to second guess my self for my inner critic to bully me make me feel down.

Its not so easy to think good about my self when Im down. How i combat this is bye doing jobs around the house cleening tiding doing the laundry going for walks calling over to my friends etc making and effort to do everything that i find a lot harder then othe people to do and you will see rewards...

I think thast your first port of call to get a bit more motivation but make sure and thing genuinley look better.

The only other thing I can really say is that it might be an idea to have a chat with a councilor it could help, im sure as a student there are councilor's out there that can help you guide you on your way.
I'd like to point out that taking meds isnt sucha bad thinsg some people have to it doesnt make you week.

It doesnt make you any less of a human it just means in some case's you need a crutch.

Some other things I'd say is music get rid of anything depressing only have music that kinda punchs you in the face and says yo get it togeather, I persoanly listen to a lot of up beat hip hop. stuff like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUAd32ZTUtY

Musics greta it can affect how you feel about your self and your mood use it as a tool..


All il say is be streong dont be hard on your self, be proud of your self for getting up walking out the door going for a walk for an hour getting a some sort of pastry in the morning. Ciming home to the feeling that you concured one less thing being proud of your self and drink and enjoying a nice coffee and pastry which is also a reward...

I hope this helps...


Id like to point out one thing when I'm not motivated which i havent been i feel like you so over the past 3 weeks ive been feeling genuinley awfull about my self. But then i read your post and reminded me of a lot of things I for get you gotta have disaplin on your self. Its the key to beating it.

Monkey61

You remind me of me OP. I was depressed from the age of 7. Cried myself to sleep every night wishing I would die in my sleep and then cried again when I woke up and realised that I was still alive. Horrible stuff.

I got worse and worse and eventually at 23 my girlfriend forced me to the Doctors and insisted that I consider medication since nothing else was working. I was resistant because I thought it would make me weak, like I couldn't handle it myself. That is obviously rubbish. Nobody feels weak taking insulin because they can't handle their own diabetes!

Anyway I was put on the same medication as you. As others have said, you should give it a chance. Taking three over two weeks is pointless. As the Doctor will have explained, it is not like a pain killer, it takes about 8 weeks to build up in your system and start working so you have to take it consistently at the same time and same interval. Will it change your life? It very well might. It changed mine completely and I only wish that I had done it sooner.

It will feel weird though when you start and you may experience a range of strange side effects - but this, as the doctor will have said, is normal. And nothing let's face it, can be as bad as the depression itself. I didn't feel ecstatic obviously, but it was such a relief to not feel awful anymore. It won't make you happy, but it will stop the crushing lows. Once that has happened you can have a nice little break to think about what to do with your life then.

I was on it for about 6 months and it just stopped working. I switched to a different one for another 6 months and it never really worked for me. I stopped taking them completely then and bizarrely have been amazing ever since. I never thought I would feel okay and now for the last year almost I have been brilliant. I don't kid myself that I will never be depressed again but I am going to enjoy this for as long as it lasts. I am using this time to build my life up to the best it can possibly be so that if it returns I will be in a better position to deal with it.

Just so you know, there is a light. I hate that I had to suffer through 18 years of this before I got here, but I have the rest of my life ahead of me and I am looking forward to it like never before. Sure I still get the odd moment of madness where I instantly switch to "Right I want to kill myself" mode, but those moments are few and far between and I am actually looking forward to my life now.

Also to add, definitely get some therapy. I went for a few sessions (stupidly quit after 4 because I was bored and thought I knew better) but months later the odd time I have a mental moment and can actually stop myself from freaking out by using some of the advice that I picked up in those sessions!

times'a'wastin

sam34 wrote: »

depression is an illness, like any other illness.

if you broke your leg, you would go to hospital.

if you had a seizure, you would go to the doctor.

depression should be no different.

it is a treatable illness. there are treatments, both tablets and counselling/talking treatments.

your GP will be able to discuss them with you and advise on whats best.

good luck

Totally agree here and just to add the blurry vision etc could be a symptom of anxiety/panic disorder. I really hope you go to your doctor as the sooner you do the sooner you will get better. Ive been there and am so much better now.
Good Luck

RossFixxxed

Likewise what the above posters say the sooner you take the step of going to the GP the sooner you can fix this problem.

There is good and bad news. Some forms of depression MAY (and only may) be permanent conditions. HOWEVER the good news is, in that worst case scenario there is a battery of things you can do to stave this off and make it a non issue for you. As long as you remain sensible and follow the directions of a PROFESSIONAL. I must stress this point, all we can do here is offer opinion etc, but your GP is the one to go to.

Keep your mind open to ANY course of action they recommend and STICK TO IT. Once you make the first step and start your course of treatment another stepping stone will present itself, then another, over time you will start to see more and more until you are going about your day with a more balanced overview of it. There sucky days, great ones, lots of average ones etc, but they are in context.

I love an analogy someone used on TV, he said (in his case) medication made everything 'widescreen' he didn't go down to low or fly off the handle too high. He could have up and down and inside out days but they stayed within a sensible, healty boundary.

BOTTOM LINE: You can totally control, and beat this. You need go to your GP (I know one who is great in south Dublin) explain it all and then do what they say. They've done this many times before. If you strongly disagree with the GP go to another one and follow them!

rabtazers

Hi OP,

Bear in mind that symptoms of depression can have a physical cause, such as low testosterone, thyroid problems, allergies, sensitivity to mercury fillings, poor diet, lack of exercise, or a combination thereof.

Go to your GP immediately and ask for a full range of blood tests to check if everything is normal. The toxicity of modern life has many effects.