[B][/B]Friend Troubles HELP !!

annejohn91

Please help me, my best friend for years has changed so much and i don't know what to do

she was really quiet and shy in school,and when she started college last year she totally changed, she goes out to night clubs meets about 8 different lads in the one night. she was even gonna have sex with this fella she knows that has a wife and a child but only for her friend pulled her away from him.

she finds lads on bear share and gets their numbers and after 3 weeks of texting she goes out to meet up with them, and these lads are only after one thing. she falls for it each time .. they ask her to be there gf and she says yes then 1 day later she has sex with them and they dump her. she has done this 3 times

and last night was the final straw she lied to me saying she had unprotected sex with this new fella that she barely knows, i was snapping and had it out with her and now she is saying im not a good friend for giving out to her, i worry because she had a pregnancy scare b4 and i was the one who helped her through.. what can i do to help her or is she a lost cause ??

kittenkiller

Hi OP.

Personally I feel you might be overstepping your boundaries here a bit.
She's a grown up (hopefully) and needs to be allowed to make her own decisions and mistakes.

Your post doesn't say whether or not your friend is overly hurt by her encounters with these guys.
It only indicates your disapproval.
It's her choice whether or not she sleeps with these guys.
Although morally you obviously have different views, she's still your friend and you need to be careful when she does something you don't approve of if you want to remain friends.

That said, most friendships don't last forever and eventually run their course.
People change, you can't do anything to stop them.

Freaking at your friend about something she confided in you about (even if she is lying) isn't being very supportive.
You might have been better off showing concern and being there for her until the upset has passed and you can sit down and have a less emotional chat about it.

I think you need to assess how much you value the friendship taking into consideration how much the girl you knew has changed since you first met each other.
Sometimes people change so much that you no longer have a common bond and there's no value in the relationship.

Sorry OP.

kjl

sounds like a typical college girl to me. she will learn sooner or later

annejohn91

kjl wrote: »

sounds like a typical college girl to me. she will learn sooner or later

yeah but by then she could be already pregnant. I go to college too and i dont act like that, i know how to have a good time but also know where to draw the line

its funny she calls girls that are exactly like her sluts.. and she doesn't realise she is the same as them

annejohn91

kittenkiller wrote: »

Freaking at your friend about something she confided in you about (even if she is lying) isn't being very supportive.
You might have been better off showing concern and being there for her until the upset has passed and you can sit down and have a less emotional chat about it..

no like i was worried, she wasn't the least bit emotional about it, she said 'awh i just had amazing sex with this new fella ha, god i hope im not pregnant cause i didnt use protection'

those were her exact words, like these fellas pick her up in a car, what if there rapists and i knew about all this happening and didnt do anything i would feel quilty

like how should i be supportive, i have told her a million times that she should find a bf some other way cause its too dangerous, i think i am being a good friend.. i dont know what else i can do

kittenkiller

annejohn91 wrote: »

no like i was worried, she wasn't the least bit emotional about it, she said 'awh i just had amazing sex with this new fella ha, god i hope im not pregnant cause i didnt use protection'

those were her exact words, like these fellas pick her up in a car, what if there rapists and i knew about all this happening and didnt do anything i would feel quilty

I'm sure that she knows exactly what she's doing when she gets in the car.
She can't be naive enough to repeat her behaviour thinking that she's not going to have sex with these guys.
Truth is, she'll probably never find out if they're rapists because she'll never say no!
A good friend would let her know how concerned you are and be there to support her when it all goes belly up on her.
Although it's much easier to tell her how concerned you are and then distance yourself so as to avoid all the messing and repeated mistakes and fights and shoulder-crying and stifled "I told you so"'s.

When I came to the end of 6th year a good friend, who had always seemed a little lost and demure got together with a right bad'un and they had fight after fight after fight.
Eventually I couldn't take it anymore and decided to distance myself from her.
Sure I felt bad about it, but I couldn't stand by and have her destroy herself and her prospects, but I couldn't get the message across to her either that her behaviour was messing up her life!
I made a choice and walked away.

annejohn91

kittenkiller wrote: »

I made a choice and walked away.

i really think i will have to do that, my friend doesn't cry though. she likes all this, its like a game to her. she lovesss attention

god she is drama

greeneyedspirit

annejohn91 wrote: »

i really think i will have to do that, my friend doesn't cry though. she likes all this, its like a game to her. she lovesss attention

god she is drama

So she creates drama, she loves the attention.
Ask yourself, how do I feel after having a conversation with that girl? Do I feel good? Bad? Upset? Frustrated? etc.
If YOU are getting upset about her behaviour, and there is no talking to her in any way, think about what you're getting from the friendship. If she ignores any advice given to her, and 'is always right, anyway', think about whether it really is worth your effort.

And yes, sometimes walking away is the only option. Been there, done that. after 10 years of friendship, because I didn't recognize my friend anymore, and because it got too frustrating and upsetting to even talk to her.

Put yourself first.
If she's doing your head in, constantly, walk.

kittenkiller

annejohn91 wrote: »

i really think i will have to do that, my friend doesn't cry though. she likes all this, its like a game to her. she lovesss attention

god she is drama

Game players are bad news for a peaceful life.
If she thinks that the attention she's receiving is infinite then she has no motivation to change.

At least the good news is that she mightn't be as promiscuous as you first thought, if she like attention, she might just be exaggerating about her love life for the attention it brings.

Best of luck in whatever you decide to do.