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Can you ever really build trust again?

  • 29-10-2009 10:17am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I have been with my boyfriend for a year now. After about 10 months he told me that he wanted a break...a little space...to get his head together. He felt that we were getting very serious and he's a bit of a 'free spirit' at heart and wanted to be sure that we were what he wanted.

    I was gutted but said okay and gave him his space. I found out a week or so into it that in actual fact he had cheated on me, one night with someone, and the guilt was making him want space. He told me all this and we talked and worked our way through it, I believe in people getting ONE chance and forgave him. I actually understand why he did this and believe that he does now want 'us'. This was a couple of months ago.

    But I am finding it really, really hard to actually trust him again. He doesn't seem to have done anything with anyone else since then, has been the perfect boyfriend, seems 10 times more committed than he ever was, tells me he adores me etc. but I still have this niggling feeling that it's only a matter of time.

    There are a couple of occasions coming up in the next few weeks that give him perfect opportunities to cheat on me again and I'm finding that as the time gets closer I am getting more anxious.

    Has anyone been through anything like this and learnt to trust someone again? How do you do it? I always said that I would never stay with anyone who cheated on me so this is a really big thing for me, but now I find I don't know how to deal with it.


Comments

  • #2
    Kimia
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,897 ✭✭✭Kimia


    I'm in a similar position myself, and I don't really know the answer still. I honestly have no idea. I suppose I try to ignore it when I feel the anxious feelings.

    Anyone any suggestions?


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    TBH girls, if your boyfriends have cheated on you so soon in the relationship, you should break it off. Cheating shouldn't be given a second chance. Break it off and find someone who would never dream of doing that to you.

    I cheated on someone once and it was purely because I didn't really care for them and was in the wrong relationship. Sorry to give you advice you may not want to hear.

    It is only a matter of time before it happens again because subconciously the cheater is on the lookout for someone else and will use you until they get there. A cheater never really appreciates their partner.

    Who would turn down the security of a doormat when it's laid out in front of them so easily? Few.


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