Getting married - upset with the catholic church

Snowman123

Hi,

Any help would be greatly apreciated!!

Have a ds cant afford to get married
.
Decided on a civil ceremony in Dublin, no afters/no guests
We said we could maybe afford 2/3 days trip to Rome to have a little family celebration.
I thought.. while we were there it would mean alot to me to have a blessing in one of the churches.

I am so upset writing this..

I contacted the church..

They told me I have to do a pre marraige course €250 (sort of scrape that)

Then €100 "donation" to your local church (ok can try organise another €100)

THEN.... I got a call from the parish administrator and she said the priest said Irish people looking to get married in Rome must go through this website..

http://www.flyawayweddings.com/italy/irish-college.php

Which states...

In 2008 the Irish Collegein Rome charge a fee of €700 for a private wedding and €600 for a groupwedding which includes the following:

• Secretarial expenses of the Irish College.
• Administration fee at the Rome Vicariate
• Donation to the parish priest of St. John Lateran Parish.
• Cost and postage of Civil Certificate of Marriage.
• Papal Blessing Parchment
• Offering to Celebrant of wedding.

Are they serious??

Where am I going to get that money??

I a so sad

I cant afford to buy a dress or invite any guests. I just would have loved to have a blessing. I lived in Italy for many years and it would have been special for me.

Can anyone help and tell me if this is true?

Do I have to go through this crowd?

I am devastated. Our flight to Rome was €170 and the accomadation is €300. I thought this would just make it perfect.

Any advice please.

Please.

Thank you.

LegacyUser

Ah don't be too upset. You'll still be married and still have a holiday, don't mind them, God will be looking over you anyway.

Zaph

You might also find some useful information in the Weddings and Marriage forum

St James

you are not looking for a Roman Catholic Wedding service, just a blessing.

Do you have any relations who were/are priests/nuns/brothers, who might be able to put you in touch with a priest in Rome? To be fair, you would have to pay something for use of the church, €100 would seem to be low. You will also have to give the priest something for his time, if you can find a priest.

On the other hand, why do you feel the need for the Roman Catholic blessing, if you are not having the full RC Wedding? In for a penny, in for a pound and all that.

TwoShedsJackson

You need to decide what this 'blessing' means to you and your partner, and whether it's worth the money the church want for it. If you've gotten married in a civil ceremony, you're married in the eyes of the law and that's what matters in day to day life.

Having checked the site, the €700 charge looks like a money-making scam, pure and simple. The charges are as vague as you can get 'donations' 'secretarial expenses' 'administration fees' 'offering to celebrant' etc. etc.

CathyMoran

Not ideal but could you not have a small Irish chuch wedding - we had 15 people at ours (that was including ourselves) but if you just had 2 witnesses that could cut down costs futher - then enjoy your lovely trip to Rome...you would still have to do the pre-marriage course but they are not that expensive. Are you friendly with your local priest? Ours was invaluble. Oh, a dress need not be expensive - there is a lovely dress that I saw in town recently for Eur 90 and you could save money in other ways.

LegacyUser

My initial reaction to this was:

Leave stew and go to the moonies, I am sure they give discount for bulk

But where there is a will there is a way. IF you do decide to have a quiet wedding in a Catholic Church you can still apply for a Sposi Novelli (newlywed) Papal Audience which is actually free:
http://www.santasusanna.org/popeVatican/tickets.html

It sounds rather lovely see:
http://hills-shire-times.whereilive.com.au/news/story/newlywed-blessing/

...and, I suspect, WELL worth the 250euros for the pre marriage course, that might turn out to be more useful and helpful than you think.

Of course you will need a wedding dress for the audience, but that doesn't have to cost a lot of money. Some gorgeous dresses get donated to charity shops...or ask on the various freecycling lists maybe? I have seen people do that.

Incidentally, I think you are very wise to keep costs to a minimum, never mind "in these times", I have always thought it was IDIOTIC to spend thousands on a wedding when you REALLY need every penny of it to start your new life together, and if you do not actually need every penny, why not save it for the kids, when they come along?

opinion guy

Personally I think screw the church. I still can't believe in this day and age they force people to do pre-marriage courses. I know i couldn't sit thru that hypocrisy and keep my mouth shut. Let alone pay for it. I don't give people money to patronise me.

I think do as another suggested. Have your registry office ceremony here and just go unofficial in Italy. Besides I don't believe that just cause you are Irish you have to go thru that particular church. if you do thats seems like major scam.

or you could always save the church bit for a time you have more money

LegacyUser

As previous poster said, you do not need to go to Irish college. Tyr the Dominicans at St. Clemente. A beutiful old church which is actually situated over an old Mithral temple.

I have contact number but if you contact Dominicans here they might be able to give you name and phone nuber.
On the other hand, expect to pay something for the priest and the church. I am a little out of touch so i don't know what would now be considered a reasonable fee.

Good luck

Lucy Lu

Another Church to try is http://www.stpatricksrome.com/

I know 12 years ago I paid 120 pound to get married in Rome so accounting for inflation and euro conversion, it probably is now around 600/700 euro unfortunatly. Though we got our pictures and video inculded for that fee too.

MetalDawg

Stuff the church. Its day is past. In the unlikely event I ever tie the knot it'll be a civil ceremony.
Sounds like a rip off to me, esp the 250 for the pre-marriage thing. Go with the registry office then maybe a meal after for immediate family/close friends?

eviltwin

Why not just have a civil ceremony here instead? I got married last year in the registry office and the whole thing cost me less than 100 quid.

No premarriage course required either ( no way was I wasting money on that ****e seeing as I had been with himself 14 years )

We were short on dough so a church wedding would have been out of the question anyway and to be honest I knew that our small group ( 25 in total ) would have been lost in a church

In the end we spent less than a grand on the whole day and had a wonderful time. Its just one day and really once its over and done with what should be important is that your are married, not how your wedding went

Snowman123

Thanks everyone the replies.

I was just feeling very let down by it all. I (stupidly) thought that the Catholic Church would understand that not everyone has thousands to spend on the big wedding. It did also strike me as a money making operation. It was just unbelievable to me a Church would operate like this.

We have a child and would rather spend any extra money we have on him. We would just not like the idea of no hoildays, outings etc away for him because Mammy and Daddy wanted to do the whole wedding thing.

I know a few have mentioned te pre marragie course. As we are together 6yrs and have a child, mortgage etc, I dont feel its apropiate for us. I know the whole idea of it was for people embarking on a new life together and as I said - that is not us.

Thanks for the links to other Churches. I have had a look and made some inital contact. I dont know what the story is with money but I'm sure I'll find out. Hopefully it will work out. Its not that I am being scabby but €700... thats a bit much. If the Church is going to be so cheeky as to request a donation I think it should be up to the individual how much they can give. It reminds me of mass years ago when the priest would ask for a "silent collection", in other words, a collection of notes not coins!

If all fails I suppose we will do the registry office thing. It just when we went to see it, it was in the same building as a health center. She was talking about our "romantic day" and all I could hear were children screaming outside.

Anyway, thanks again
You really have helped me locate a few possibilities.
I'll let you know if they work out.

ravima

The Catholic Church is NOT looking for 'thousands for the big wedding'.

The pre marriage course is a church pre requesite. it is informative and teaches people quite a lot. it caters for everyone, from those who haven't the foggiest what marriage is about, to people like yourself, who are together for quite a while. You would be surprised, but not everyone knows about housekeeping; mortgages; life insurance; pensions; marriage ceremony; church requesites and yes, some haven't an idea of sexual practices and methods of contraception.

There is no such thing as being turned away from the church for want of money. it costs money to open the church, heat it, light it and clean it. It costs money for sacristan to be present. All you are expected to do is cover those costs. Likewise, the priest will never turn you away if you have no money. it is expected that you would pay him for his time given to the ceremony. there is no set fee as such, but there are recommended figures. I would imagine that €50/100 for the priest and a minimum of €100 for the church premises would be in order. Thats a far cry from 'thousands'.

You also must give three months notice of your intention to marry to the State, by law.

CathyMoran

ravima wrote: »

The Catholic Church is NOT looking for 'thousands for the big wedding'.

The pre marriage course is a church pre requesite. it is informative and teaches people quite a lot. it caters for everyone, from those who haven't the foggiest what marriage is about, to people like yourself, who are together for quite a while. You would be surprised, but not everyone knows about housekeeping; mortgages; life insurance; pensions; marriage ceremony; church requesites and yes, some haven't an idea of sexual practices and methods of contraception.

There is no such thing as being turned away from the church for want of money. it costs money to open the church, heat it, light it and clean it. It costs money for sacristan to be present. All you are expected to do is cover those costs. Likewise, the priest will never turn you away if you have no money. it is expected that you would pay him for his time given to the ceremony. there is no set fee as such, but there are recommended figures. I would imagine that €50/100 for the priest and a minimum of €100 for the church premises would be in order. Thats a far cry from 'thousands'.

You also must give three months notice of your intention to marry to the State, by law.

OK, it is almost 3 years since we got married but the cost of the course was 120Eur. We started dating 12 years ago - I did find the course useful.

Snowman123

Ravima,

I think you should read my post again.

I said the Catholic Church assums most people HAVE thousands to spend on their big day NOT that they are willing to give the Catholic Church thousands.

I never said I was unwilling to give a donation but a preassaigned fee is, in my opinion, a bit much.

St James

oops

misswex

Just to put it out there, its not set in concrete that you have to do a pre marriage course. I got married this year and our priest was fine with us not doing the course! I'm sure there are plenty of priests with a similar attitude that you could find that would help ease the financial pressure and you could put the money saved towards that Papal Blessing that you would like!

iguana

If you just wanted the church blessing as something to add romance to the event as the registry office isn't appealing why don't you investigate what licensed venues are available. Lots of parks/restaurants etc can hold civil ceremonies.

My husband HATED our local registry office so we got married in a museum in a castle in our local park instead. It cost a bit more than the civil service, but not a huge amount. It would probably cost about the same as the registry office ceremony and pre-marriage course.

Our wedding was in the UK where we live, but the law in Ireland has changed since then to allow similar ceremonies.

Xterminator

misswex wrote: »

Just to put it out there, its not set in concrete that you have to do a pre marriage course. I got married this year and our priest was fine with us not doing the course! I'm sure there are plenty of priests with a similar attitude that you could find that would help ease the financial pressure and you could put the money saved towards that Papal Blessing that you would like!

depends on the priest im afraid.

When i got married we were living together 7 years first, but were were made go to the course. It was a complete waste of time, covering issues like how to deal with pushy inlaws, and how to handle shared money etc.

But if you have been living together for the best part of a decade, then you already have done all this.

I can see how it would help people who have not already learned how to deal with the inlaws and assert boundaries, or pool their money etc, but its the mandatory aspect the irks me.