Should I meet her??

LegacyUser

Just looking for some opinions here, Now ive posted about this situation before, some of the regular readers may remember, a girl i was seeing on and off whom I really fell for decided against anything between us after lots of tooing and froing..She told me numerous times she liked (even loved) me, wanted to be with me etc. It may seem like a classic case of ego massage on her part as she ws out of a long termer that ended badly,

Anyway we had planned a weekend away, I tried calling txting when she was due into town for a visit and got no replies...kindof overreacted and she let loose calling me childish etc etc. won't go too much into it...at the end we both kindof apologised and agreed to leave it at that, she is now living in a different part of the country and to be honest i didn't want to be her friend always wanted more told her this and said it was nothing to d with her as a person but more a self preservationthing...

This was about 4 weeks ago, things have gradually (sloooowly) getting better, thinking about only half my waking hours now!!! there had been no contact but i stupidly texted her at the weekend (drunk) but only saying i hoped she was doing ok (she had said before we cut contact that she was in a bad place at the moment) there was no reply i didn't expect one, and regrettedesending it..was feeling bad about the whole thing over the weekend to be honest so i suppose thats why i ended up texting, i mean i really fell for her hard...

The thing is she sent me an email yesaterday, just asking how i was getting on, I debated with myself should i reply but of course i did, then i get a big email back almost straight away saying her and her friend are coming to town for a cpl nights today again asking how i was and all this...She didn't directly ask if id like to meet her but the implied invitation was quite obvious...

So should i meet her....I really dont see anything coming from it romantically, but the hope remains there, Would i just be putting myself back a few steps by doing this...Im really confused on one side i know i shouldn't but on the other side ireally want to see her, and don't know if i'llget the chance to again...I kind of wish i hadn't replied or at least delayed doing so for a few days to her email, but thats to late now...any opinions...is it possible that givin the chance to miss me she may want something or is it really just her i don't know wanting to be "friends"..ahhhhhh

eviltwin

Would you stick your hand in the fire again if you got burned? No you wouldnt so why would you want to open an old wound by meeting this girl again. You'll be back at square one. Don't do it.

ash23

Keep away from her.
Stop banging your head against a brick wall.
She didn't specifically ask to see you. She might be just looking for a place to stay. She might be just giving you advance warning that she'll be around so that if she bumps into you, you won't make a scene.

Stay in that night. Get a dvd and watch it. Get 5 dvds and watch them. Turn off your phone and keep it off. Just stay away from her.

She doesn't want you. I'm sorry to be harsh but in fairness, you haven't listened to a word anyone has said so i think harshness is called for at this point.

opinion guy

She didn't directly ask if id like to meet her but the implied invitation was quite obvious...

Woah there. That speaks volumes to me. Either:
a) you are reading into it from wishful thinking or
b) she's not bothered enough/grown up enough to actually ask you directly

Is that how you want to be treated ?

Xterminator

Its risk vs reward.

You risk being hurt, but the reward is if it all works out you may have more than just a friend who emails you.

so is the reward worth the risk? only you can say.

My advice would be you may always regret not trying.

ManOfMystery

and don't forget option c) .... she is simply letting you know in case you see her around and get annoyed that she DIDN'T tell you she was coming.

I wouldn't read into it too much, the girl has made her feelings clear on previous occasions.

dublingal80

seems to me you are completely reading into everything, and posted on here in the hopes we would all say "yeah go meet with her, why not, you only live once"

you know deep down you shouldnt meet her, hence why you have made a post about it. she hurt you, it wasnt a good! you are starting to get over her and you said youself it could be taking a step back... so why would you do it?

If herself and her friend are coming up to head out for the weekend, its a girls night out. I dont think she would want you there, and have her friend feel like the third wheel. Dont meet her. If she outright ask you to meet her, sober, not a 2am drunken text, maybe do, for coffee or something

But just be careful. She has hurt you before. can easily hurt you again

LegacyUser

opinion guy wrote: »

Woah there. That speaks volumes to me. Either:
a) you are reading into it from wishful thinking or
b) she's not bothered enough/grown up enough to actually ask you directly

Is that how you want to be treated ?

Firstly tahnks for all the input, I know that ye are right, i really do, it is just that I like the girl so much that I find it very difficult to give up on her.....

Had decided I would be strong after reading the posts and didn't answer the email this morning, then low and behold i just got a text saying she will be in town for the next couple of days and if i wanted to meet up for a drink let her know, quallified it by saying...thought id let you know anyway, (probably incase i hadn't seen the email), is not a case of her being afraid to bump into me either, its a bigish city im living in the odds are quite small of that. and she obviously has somewhere to stay already.

what now..???? to be fair im not really fretting too much anymore, it would be great too see her im just afraid that it might bring me back too where i don't want to be....but at the same time I don't want her out of my life completley either and ive learned this over the lst few weeks...i guess its just a risk that i have to figure out if its worth taking...

pisslips

Holy mother of god, daddy never gave her any attention.

the only way this is gonna work is if you destroy all possibility and hope of ever meeting her again. Have a mock funeral if you need to.

Don't tell her that your doing it, don't let her know that if she wants to find you she'll have to do A,B or C. There's no hope, she was involved in an unfortunate accident, it's really hard but you 'll just have to move on.

This girl in your head doesn't exist.

She's dead man, let her go.

And to the person who said take a chance, at least you won't regret no acting at all, he has acted, she knows, she did not act and then unfortunately got hit by a bus.

I'm not messing, this is how I deal with these things.
Important thing is that in some kind of moment of clarity you take the oppertunity to delete every record of her existence, including phone number and e-mail/facebook. You think you'll regret it but you won't. You're lucky you don't live in the same area at least.

If it helps imagine her flirting with lots of other guys like she does on a regular basis.

opinion guy

well lesson to learn is sometimes to holding back gets you places:D

screw it go meet her. just don't bring too many expectations with you and let things unfold as they do.

Oh The Humanity

Listen. I remember your other thread!

STOP !

Your last paragraph there is just looking for an excuse to meet her, to somehow make it ok! Its not us that will suffer when she screws you over again, its YOU !

Don't let her make a chump outta you again. Be 'busy'

shellyboo

opinion guy wrote: »

well lesson to learn is sometimes to holding back gets you places:D

screw it go meet her. just don't bring too many expectations with you and let things unfold as they do.

NOOOoooOOOoooo.

Cut her out, OP. Get rid of her! She's just toying with you. Be strong and just get rid of her from your life, she's poison, she's holding you back.

pisslips

Man this is painful to watch, only because I know how it feels.
I think I'll join a monastery.

opinion guy

OK I must say I know the other thread at all so I may be lacking context here

shellyboo

opinion guy wrote: »

OK I must say I know the other thread at all so I may be lacking context here

It was torture. She's playing him for a fool and he's eating it up. PLEASE OP, for your own sanity and self-respect, don't fall for her crap again.

Oh The Humanity

op8.0 wrote: »

what now..???? to be fair im not really fretting too much anymore, it would be great too see her im just afraid that it might bring me back too where i don't want to be....but at the same time I don't want her out of my life completley either and ive learned this over the lst few weeks...i guess its just a risk that i have to figure out if its worth taking...

Honestly this sounds like the types of bargains one makes with oneself after quitting smoking/drinking/overeating etc

Think of her as a bad drug you were addicted to. You managed to wean yourself off it and now just as you are recovering you get tempted again, just to have one hit. One little hit won't hurt right?

Thats what junkies tell themselves all the live long day.

op8.0 wrote: »

what now..???? to be fair im not really fretting too much anymore,

= I've done the cold turkey and now I feel quite good. In control. Yeah, Im ok.

op8.0 wrote: »

it would be great too see her im just afraid that it might bring me back too where i don't want to be....

=It would be great to shoot up/skin up/snort a little line, ooh but wait remember where that lead the last time!

op8.0 wrote: »

but at the same time I don't want her out of my life completley either and ive learned this over the lst few weeks...

=Oh sweet drug I can never fully renounce you!

op8.0 wrote: »

i guess its just a risk that i have to figure out if its worth taking...

=If I rationalise it to myself like this then I never have to fully commit to blanking her....like I know i should for my own good!!!!

OP, that little love junkie inside will say ANYTHING to your rational self just to get his own way. You can't just have a little drug (her) a little needs to a need for more. A need that will never ever be fulfilled OP.

Be strong!

KrustyUCC

stay away OP. She has made her feeling clear previously. She decided against anything between ye. Meeting up will only open up old wounds. Don’t accept the invitation to go out

LegacyUser

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

Honestly this sounds like the types of bargains one makes with oneself after quitting smoking/drinking/overeating etc

Think of her as a bad drug you were addicted to. You managed to wean yourself off it and now just as you are recovering you get tempted again, just to have one hit. One little hit won't hurt right?

Thats what junkies tell themselves all the live long day.



= I've done the cold turkey and now I feel quite good. In control. Yeah, Im ok.



=It would be great to shoot up/skin up/snort a little line, ooh but wait remember where that lead the last time!



=Oh sweet drug I can never fully renounce you!



=If I rationalise it to myself like this then I never have to fully commit to blanking her....like I know i should for my own good!!!!

OP, that little love junkie inside will say ANYTHING to your rational self just to get his own way. You can't just have a little drug (her) a little needs to a need for more. A need that will never ever be fulfilled OP.

Be strong!

Thanks for the replies, the above is very amusing but very apt in a way too I think, havent replied, I understand completley that ye are all right, gotta go with the precentages right!!

The main thing that had me confused about this girl so much from day dot was all the time her saying that she DID have feelings she even told me she thought she loved me....I mean i just can't fathom people throwing that around....Thats mainly why I have been such a sucker here, never had a situation like this before in my near 30 years, im a straight up kind of guy i supose so when someone tells me something I just take it at face value...But you live and learn, thanks for all the advice people, and for making me wake up to myself,

Going on the druggy metaphor ye are like my sponsers on this, wouldn't dare go back taking to my mates over her again, they'd probably beat me up if they knew i was even contemplating this today...

Oh The Humanity

lol well done & stay clean!

Eve_Dublin

op8/0 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies, the above is very amusing but very apt in a way too I think, havent replied, I understand completley that ye are all right, gotta go with the precentages right!!

The main thing that had me confused about this girl so much from day dot was all the time her saying that she DID have feelings she even told me she thought she loved me....I mean i just can't fathom people throwing that around....Thats mainly why I have been such a sucker here, never had a situation like this before in my near 30 years, im a straight up kind of guy i supose so when someone tells me something I just take it at face value...But you live and learn, thanks for all the advice people, and for making me wake up to myself,

Going on the druggy metaphor ye are like my sponsers on this, wouldn't dare go back taking to my mates over her again, they'd probably beat me up if they knew i was even contemplating this today...

It´s horrible when you realise what lying, minipulative feckers some people can be, particularly when you like them. It´s disappointing to the extreme but I have to agree with others here....your previous thread was painful to read. Be strong, hold your head up high and walk away with dignity.

pisslips

Good god, who are you?

me?

exact same thing happened to me, even her saying she loved me but even then I knew people have to show that through action and ask yourself how has she shown you that she cares about you?
It seems to me she has only shown you that she cares about her.
Did I make a fool out of myself? yes. Do i regret it?no. Am I proud to have taken a chance? Yes. Am I proud I had the sense to accept retreat, when that risk didn't pay off? yes.

It's over man, you tried, she's dead.

It's not percentages, ok there's a 100% chance this won't work until she changes drastically as a person which is not going to happen in the next few years at least.

Look at the egotistical game of chance you're involved in, is that what you want to define your life by?

She is on a whole different world view to you, like you're poles apart. She probably has lots of confidence issues and probably lots of problems to tell you about, she'll hang on for anything, any shred of attention she can get.It's not your problem, she's dead, she died. Don't think about why she is like that? Don't care, you'll never know, just be happy it's over.
At this stage I'm down to ocassional mails from her which I usually ignore or with very cold impersonal replies. One night I got a phone call claiming she was being followed by guys who had tried to rape her, she was crying and all. You will see, when you take yourself away, how insecure this girl really is but you have to just not care. You have to just pretend she died because she will leach onto you hoping you'll give her the attention she wants. And honestly, whether she is telling the truth or not I don't care, I don't care if she gets hurt, it's not my problem, I offered help before but she didn't want me.Nothing I can do and nothing you can do to ake someone actually want you.

extra-ordinary_

op8.0 wrote: »

it is just that I like the girl so much .....

Like yourself instead.

G-Money

Avoid avoid avoid avoid. Don't meet her under any circumstances.

I don't know if it's just me, but when she said a couples night, is there any chance the friend that she is bringing is male and is expecting you to bring a girl, so you and this girl will be a couple and she and this "friend" are the other couple?

Even if it's not, just avoid her. Make other plans and if you don't have any, pretend you do. You're not with this girl, you don't owe her anything. Despite what she might try and guilt you into believing.

You don't keep going back to a boss looking for a job when he fired you. Nor do you go back to her.

Don't do it!

CDfm

God Man -get a grip.

I remember your post.

As I remember -this lady is a real user and she used you and played with your emotions. Maybe she is testing the water for a repeat performance.

You need to cop onto yourself as this one is not for you.

LegacyUser

Well I just thought I'd let ye know about this as i appreciate the advice alot of ye gave, Anyway it turns out that the whole time she was meeting me she was also still "seeing" the Ex, They weren't with eachother technically but he was visting her for weekends etc..

I gotta say that as low as it seems to me that she would do this it kind of makes me feel a bit better about the whole ting as even tho i was played it makes alot of things she did and said make more sense, infairness she tried to stop anything happening with me but still was telling me she had feelings for me and loved me and the whole time it seems she was doing the same and more with her ex....Personally i wouldn't do this kind of thing it wouldn't be in me however maybe thats just me, Ill be alot more careful in future about whom i give my trust to, at least i know it wasn't all my actions that drove her away

So there ye go, all ye're advice in vindicated.....Thanks again,

CDfm

So your instincts were right - what you do is file away the thought and events and how you feel and if she ever calls you again just remember it.

pisslips

Praised be to Allah!


She's six feet under and you never have to think about her again. If she does contact you, give her nothing, she had her chance and really if she wanted to she would have taken it then.

Don't even think about her, unless she makes some huge physical embarrassing gesture.....not words. Which is highly unlikely.

Actually forget that, move on.

CDfm

When you fall for someone like that its like a disease or an addiction and you have to accept that you are vulnerable.

See the funny side of it too - the moments of pleasure are like the steaks at McDonalds rare.