Is there any other explanaton?

LegacyUser

Hi to everyone and I'm sorry for the long message I'm about to write, but this is killing me for the last 3 days and I just cant take this anymore need your advice guys.

I met this guy on the internet and was chatting to him on Google talk for ages before I finally met him. We both thought we were getting on absolutely amazing and sometimes even thought it was too good to be true. I used to rushed home from work just to turn on the pc quicker and have a chat to him. I got really really attached to him you could even say fell in love with him.. He is from Ireland but lives and works abroad and only comes home for few weeks every 2-3 month. He got home last Tuesday and we met up the following day. We kept in touch constantly texting and ringing each other. Same week on Friday it was his friends wedding and because he didnt want to bring anyone random he asked me if I'd like to come. I thought sure why not, we have a few drinks and possibly get to know each other a bit better.

On the night he met a lot of people he hadn't seen in ages and kept talking to them while i was chatting to one of the girls i met there. That had me a bit upset cause I was really looking forward to spending a bit of time with him. By the end of the night we ended up having an argument and I was gonna get a taxi home but stayed in the room with him anyway. That night we got intimate for the first time (not a good idea with few drinks on you). The next morning he was a bit distant and told me about the fight, half of which i couldn't remember we laughed it off and he dropped me home. On the way home I apologized for the fight, he said it was all cool. I sent him a text later on to say that the drunken sex (even tho it was really really good) wasn't a good idea either and could we just forget we did it and if we do it again pretend its the first time, he replied it sounded good to him. He rang me later on that day to say he'd give me a call tomorrow to confirm the time - we were planning to go away for a day on Monday but on Sunday he never rang me and he hasnt rang me or texted me since. I tried to ring him myself but first his phone was ringing then it was going straight to the voice mail and now its ringing again. I left a voice mail saying I was worried about him as i haven't heard from him in a while but no one's got back to me.

So here is the question that is tormenting me for the last 3 days - could there be any other explanation to this or am I just being ignored? By the way he was talking and treating me the whole time I knew him I just refuse to believe he could do that, but it seems to be the only answer for me... so guys??? Any ideas?? Please??

MIN2511

He got cold feet, i know this is hard but TRY not to think of him....

Peggypeg

Yeah I agree. Stop thinking about him, stop trying to contact him. It sounds like he's had second thoughts about seeing you and there's not really a lot you can do about that.

writestoomuch

There could always be some other explanation, but him having backed off does seem the most likely...

At any rate, if you have called and left messages and he hasn't got back to you there's nothing you can do but leave it be and move on. I know how hard this is, but if he is still interested and there was some other explanation he'll get back to you in his own time.

However, it does sound like you guys had got quite close before you met. If you feel you desperately need an explanation you could try asking for one by email. I like email for this kind of stuff as it gives you a chance to choose your words and express yourself clearly. But you'd have to be careful to play this. If he has got cold feet sounding clingy and emotional isn't going to help matters. (I speak from experience as a clingy and emotional person...)

If you got no response you'd have to let go though and leave it at that.

Good luck. I hope you get some resolution to this.

jellyboy

Hi op

Maybe he wanted to speak to his friends after not seeing them for months at a time and didnt want to fight about it with you?

or maybe the drunken sex and getting the "it was a mistake" txt put him off meeting you?

Try to look at your own actions before guessing his....

I hope u resovle this...its reads like you really like this guy....try to let it go for a few days ,just to calm ur mind and thoughts...Maybe when he gets back from meeting familly friends,life.. he will respond...

LegacyUser

Yeah, I really really like him, havent felt this way about anyone since a long time.... I miss him so much i cant concentrate on my job, i dont eat and i havent had a decent sleep in days... Just thinking was i really so bad that he has to ignore me?? I mean if he doesnt want anything to do with me, just send me a text and say - Look I'm fine, dont worry about me. And I'll get the hint he is grand but doenst want to know me anymore... So why not just do that??

P.S Writestoomuch- what would you say in the email?? Without sounding clingy?? I like that idea I was thinking of an email myself but just not sure what to say?

Thanks guys this really helping me to get through this...

shellyboo

zelta wrote: »

On the night he met a lot of people he hadn't seen in ages and kept talking to them while i was chatting to one of the girls i met there. That had me a bit upset cause I was really looking forward to spending a bit of time with him. By the end of the night we ended up having an argument and I was gonna get a taxi home but stayed in the room with him anyway. That night we got intimate for the first time (not a good idea with few drinks on you). The next morning he was a bit distant and told me about the fight, half of which i couldn't remember we laughed it off and he dropped me home. On the way home I apologized for the fight, he said it was all cool. I sent him a text later on to say that the drunken sex (even tho it was really really good) wasn't a good idea either and could we just forget we did it and if we do it again pretend its the first time, he replied it sounded good to him. He rang me later on that day to say he'd give me a call tomorrow to confirm the time - we were planning to go away for a day on Monday but on Sunday he never rang me and he hasnt rang me or texted me since. I tried to ring him myself but first his phone was ringing then it was going straight to the voice mail and now its ringing again. I left a voice mail saying I was worried about him as i haven't heard from him in a while but no one's got back to me.

Really sorry to be harsh, OP, but bolded above we have a list of things not to do on a first (second?) date.

He brought you to a wedding full of HIS friends and you got annoyed that he spoke to them too much? That's not cool.

You then picked a fight about it with him? On a date? In front of his friends? Really not cool.

Then you went and had drunken sex with him... ok, I'm all for not waiting, but given that you were drunk and in a fight, this was a spectacularly bad idea.

Then the next morning, he was distant - so you came over incredibly needy and backtracked on everything you'd done and said the night before...

And now he's avoiding your calls.

It really isn't good, at all. You guys had just met - disregard the previous months, the internet is not real life and it doesn't count. He's not your boyfriend, you had no right to get pissed off at him, fight with him, threaten to leave; any of that. Sorry to say it, but you most likely scared him off.

dublingal80

hi op

unfortunately it sounds like you were way too intense for the 2nd date. You know he works away, comes home every 2-3 months, so of course there are going to be people he hasnt seen in ages and that he will want to be chatting to. I wont repeat what everyone else has said because I do agree with them. Just put it down to a lesson learned.

dublingal80

zelta wrote: »

Yeah, I really really like him, havent felt this way about anyone since a long time.... I miss him so much i cant concentrate on my job, i dont eat and i havent had a decent sleep in days... Just thinking was i really so bad that he has to ignore me?? I mean if he doesnt want anything to do with me, just send me a text and say - Look I'm fine, dont worry about me. And I'll get the hint he is grand but doenst want to know me anymore... So why not just do that??

P.S Writestoomuch- what would you say in the email?? Without sounding clingy?? I like that idea I was thinking of an email myself but just not sure what to say?

Thanks guys this really helping me to get through this...

oh i wouldnt email him!!! You have called him numerous times, left him voice messages and you have texted him. There is nothing else you can do!

Sorry, but if he did want to see you again he would have been in touch with you by now. Just take it that he isnt interested, go out this weekend and have the best night EVER!

LegacyUser

Hey there,

I'd say it could have been the fight that did it.

I've been on dates with girls and after a number of drinks an argument sometimes ensues over something minor. It can come completely out of nowhere.

That's usually it for me though. If a girl goes nuts (especially after only one or two dates) then I know that she's not for me.

He possibly weighed what happened on the day up in his mind and decided against pursuing it any further.

If he hasn't responded to you then I'd say that that's it.

LegacyUser

Ok, I agree with everything said and I know it was all my fault and I am truly sorry for what I did. I just want a chance to explain myself and try and fix this. By the way he doesnt only answer my calls he also doesnt answer land line calls, so that kinda gives me a hope that maybe there is something wrong with his phone or something else happened...

e04bf099

zelta wrote: »

Ok, I agree with everything said and I know it was all my fault and I am truly sorry for what I did. I just want a chance to explain myself and try and fix this. By the way he doesnt only answer my calls he also doesnt answer land line calls, so that kinda gives me a hope that maybe there is something wrong with his phone or something else happened...

You embarrassed him. You got depressed-moody drunk at his friends wedding. I can understand. I enjoy getting twisted myself. Nothing wrong with it but I do it with MY mates. In the past I've made a complete show of myself so I understand absolutely how **** it feels. Just mark it down to experience and move on.

You being worried about him is rubbish. He is fine. Can you even imagine how unlikely it that something happened to him at THAT moment after THAT incident. Come back to reality dear.

His landline could easilly have caller ID, most of them do these days. Don't call him, text him, e-mail him or send him a pidgeon, he will ignore them all and they will only make him angry. I would be angry - although I have been where you are.

LegacyUser

e04bf099 wrote: »

You embarrassed him. You got depressed-moody drunk at his friends wedding. Come back to reality dear.

His landline could easilly have caller ID, most of them do these days. Don't call him, text him, e-mail him or send him a pidgeon, he will ignore them all and they will only make him angry. I would be angry - although I have been where you are.

Ouch... this is harsh... Not like i dont appreciate the comments... We were actually on our way to the room when the argument started and no one knows he had it, so no embarrassment there and also i know i shouldnt have started the argument but he shouldnt have brought me with him if he knew he wouldnt have time for me at the end of the day I knew no one there and it was completely strange environment for me... At least i apologized for my mistakes he didnt for leaving me abandoned for the night

e04bf099

zelta wrote: »

Ouch... this is harsh... Not like i dont appreciate the comments... We were actually on our way to the room when the argument started and no one knows he had it, so no embarrassment there and also i know i shouldnt have started the argument but he shouldnt have brought me with him if he knew he wouldnt have time for me at the end of the day I knew no one there and it was completely strange environment for me... At least i apologized for my mistakes he didnt for leaving me abandoned for the night

lol, sorry, maybe it was more my own f$*k ups I was remembering, and then assuming too much about yer own situation. Sorry again.

jmbkay

It sounds you got on better before you actually met, and that its not the relationship you were hoping for. I agree with the other posters, he doesnt want to know anymore. Put it down to experience, and dont worry about him, he isnt worth it.

jellyboy

Hi op

All is not lost....

Calm ur mind and ur actions...

Allow urself the time to heal from the hammering u are giving urself and the mental torture....

Dont contact him for a few weeks...Carry a iclke notebook with you and jot down what you would like to say to him....esp helpfull in intense moments...

the love/feelings u are going through ,write down...

I wish you joy...

dmy1001

OP
I agree you need to calm down a bit. My advice would be to not contact him again by phone, email or other.
Suppose something did happen to him and people find your calls/messages etc, if there are loads of them they will think you are a nutcase!

respect yourself and wait. if he decides to contact you then take it from there but from what you have said that does not look likely.

Trishis

Hey, you need to just relax....
Put yourself in his shoes....
you are back from a few months working, ask a guy to a mates wedding....at the end of the night he fights with you for not spending enough time with him....
hmmmm, you would prob think for gods sake get it together mate.....give me a break...
Obviously you were drunk and didnt think before you reacted or spoke etc....but ti think you imagined him to be one way on the night and when he didnt live up to it you were disappointed...

So, all you can do now is pamper yourslef, get back on that site or wherever it was you met him and get chatting to people again.....

this guy may or may not come back into your life...but chances are he prob wasent as fantastic as you thought him to be anyway....you only had two dates! maybe he wasnt right for you! the next one might be but you wont find him if you're still stuck to a phone dialling this guys number! Get your mates & booze and have a laugh, try to occupy yourslef with other things and you'll forget about him....then he may call!

samsung22

Sorry to say he's just not that into you im afraid!

I had a similiar enough incident with a girl at the weekend that I only met about 2 weeks ago. Was out with buddies at the weekend and arranged to meet her for a casual drink. I think she thought we were star-crossed lovers though the way she was carrying on!
Because the pub we were in was very busy we ended up getting seperated during the night so I was just chilling with my friends and then she starts frantically texting and calling me wondering where I am.

That turned me completely off (not that I was much into her in the first place!) so I basically gave her the elbow for the night.

Cue more crazy texts and another the following night saying how badly I treated her etc etc. Basically she was a bunny boiler and I had a lucky escape!

It seems that you made some of the same mistakes that this girl did so put it down to experience and chill out the next time you go on a date with a human male!

shellyboo

zelta wrote: »

Ouch... this is harsh... Not like i dont appreciate the comments... We were actually on our way to the room when the argument started and no one knows he had it, so no embarrassment there and also i know i shouldnt have started the argument but he shouldnt have brought me with him if he knew he wouldnt have time for me at the end of the day I knew no one there and it was completely strange environment for me... At least i apologized for my mistakes he didnt for leaving me abandoned for the night

If you GENUINELY thought he was going to spend a friend's wedding talking to you the whole time, you're mad.

Also, considering you knew the part in bold - why did you go? Seriously, he's not at fault here, you are.

LegacyUser

We actually spoke since. He didn't really have a problem with the argument as much. His problem was he didn't want to get attached to someone and then leave for 9 weeks... That would be really hard... So I guess the issue I had is sorted now and I have a new issue- long distance relationship - yes/no....but that is a new thread I suppose...

LegacyUser

im gonna be frank with you here, hes letting you go gently by saying he didn't wanna get attached to someone before going etc..its just another way to say, i like you but im not THAT into you anymore If he did, 9 weeks or 3 months wouldn't stop him from wanting to make this work as he already knew that going into it with you in the first place. Think he told you that the argument didnt bother him that much well he just didnt wanna get into a discussion bout it again, but as a previous poster said, sometimes all it takes is one thing to turn a guy off, and for him it did, theres no coincidence there.

Sorry, it might not be the answer you were looking for but had to be honest.

forget bout him, dont contact him again and find someone who really will care about you.