in love with friend

danlen

So here's the story people i'm a male in my 20's and i am absolutely mad about my friend. I have known her for a few years now and we get on really well. I feel so comfortable in her company and love spending time with her. I have known I am in love with her for well over a year now but just recently my feelings have come to the surface I can't get them out of my head. I don't know how she feels and fear that I could make everything awkward.

Over the last year I had managed to bottle up my feelings and I was getting on with life. But last weekend we were on a night out and anytime I saw her near another bloke I nearly exploded with jealousy. Now I just can't stop thinking about her and I feel like I'm going mad!

Would I be stupid to risk our friendship, especially when I don't know how she feels?

Is it possible for two friends to mutually feel this way?

What should I do???

Thanks in advance,
damien

e04bf099

She might feel the same way. Who knows!?! Feel it out a little. I'm not very good at these things myself but considering the worst case scenario (which is actually the worst thing to do and will only hold you back, btw) you will take a while to get over her, whether you say something or not. I'm the soppy sort and would not be one to put the reigns on an opportunity for love. How you go about it, well I haven't the faintest idea. Go to her house with a boom box playing some cheesy love song. It seemed to work out well for John Cusack:).

Good-luck either way;)

ManOfMystery

You've a 50% chance of getting the response you want - that's better odds than most gambles give

She could feel the same ................ or she could just see you as a friend. The question is, if she does see you as a friend, can you continue to be friends with her without allowing your feelings to affect the relationship you have? e.g. if she gets a boyfriend, if she hooks up with guys on a night out, etc.

If you think you can handle a negative response, then by all means - tell her how you feel. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. But if you can't handle it, then perhaps you should let this slide and try and just concentrate on being friends.

For what it's worth, I was in an identical situation years ago and ended up telling the girl how I felt. She didn't feel the same and whilst I felt pretty low at the time, I realised afterwards that it takes two to tango and if her feelings weren't there then we were always going to be better off as friends than as boyfriend/girlfriend. I also realised I didn't regret telling her - better that than to go years wondering what might have been.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

Bottle_of_Smoke

danlen wrote: »

Over the last year I had managed to bottle up my feelings and I was getting on with life. But last weekend we were on a night out and anytime I saw her near another bloke I nearly exploded with jealousy. Now I just can't stop thinking about her and I feel like I'm going mad!

Would I be stupid to risk our friendship, especially when I don't know how she feels?

There's nothing to risk. Its a painful friendship if you can't enjoy yourself/sit still without monitoring her. Think you can cope with that forever?

Is it possible for two friends to mutually feel this way?

Its unlikely. Usually in these cases its the guy who likes the girl. In my opinion the girl knows full well of the feelings 90% of the time. Some of them like the person so much as a friend they go into denial and hope its not true. Others(more of these I think) love the emotional **** they get from being followed around by a hopeless guy who's in love with them.

What should I do???

Thanks in advance,
damien

Non verbal talks are a bit frowned upon on this board but in my opinion you should send her an email. I really don't see how the method of communication is going to matter in this case.

Tell her you like her. If you're going to be honest about how long you've been in to her then apologise for hiding it.

Really important thing - tell her you don't feel led on by her and its just how you feel. I think this is the part which sours the friendship.

LegacyUser

OP, I was in a very similar position to you at the start of the summer. Was absolutely mad about one of my best friends and it got to the stage where I just couldn't take it anymore, like you getting jealous at the thought of her being with someone else etc, which I got annoyed with myself over but its only natural. So I decided I just had to tell her, there was no simple way of doing. I didn't want it to be an "if only" kind of thing.

As it turned out she had thought about it before also, i.e. us being more than just friends, but she didn't want anything to happen between us and wanted us to just stay friends. Which is fair enough and yes I was fairly heart broken afterwards and it has taken me a while to get used to the idea of us just being friends. But I am happy I told her how I felt and I didn't let it eat me away inside.

But as has already been said if you can get used to the idea of you being just friends then I would be inclined to say something because if you say nothing you will just have to get used to that idea anyway. If you simply cant get over her or you do ask her and she is not interested in that way but still want more, even though it seems drastic I would advise you to step back and maybe distance yourself from her over time to try get over them. Because otherwise you will just end up driving yourself insane.

Best of Luck OP, I hope it all works out

LegacyUser

In my experience, both persoonal and that of a friend, I don't think simply blurting this out will ever get you what you want...
I can't be sure but in my case I think the feelings were preety mutual, long time friends started mutual flirting, would be in a pub with our legs intertwined for hours under the table and this kind of carry on, but I never made the move, silly i know but kept bottling, finally plucked up the courage while drunk to tell her i felt alot for her..
Low and behold she said she didn't feel the same, but looking back i mean someone you know very well tells you they want to be more then friends, as romantic in a movie sense as this may sound this is basically asking do you want to be my OH without even having a snog yet...fairly intimidating and way too full on, I ve learned that the only way to go is to let things happen organically, not just wait for it obvioulsy but rather try and fin a time to make a psychical move rather then a verbal one 1st off and go from there...

I still think that the night i told her how i felt that if i had actually tried to kiss her things may have been different now maybe im wrong but i still feel this is a safer bet...for what its worth

Wibbs

beenhereb4 wrote: »

I can't be sure but in my case I think the feelings were preety mutual, long time friends started mutual flirting, would be in a pub with our legs intertwined for hours under the table and this kind of carry on,

Well to be fair to you if some woman is intertwining her legs with mine then I expect that to mean she's interested. More than interested. If she then pulled the I don't think of you like that I would scrape her off so fast her head would spin. She's either daft as a brush or loves the attention, or both. Sheesh.

OP I'd just ask her out. Let the chips fall where they may. If she says yes, cool. If she says no, nearly equally cool as you know where you stand. In the latter case I personally would walk away, if even for a time, as I don't do second best and if I'm into someone and they're not into me equally, I refuse to torture myself with that.

Paulyh

i was in a similar position last year, with a good friend from work.......
i had a slight idea that she may have liked me, but i am crap at picking up on that sort of thing (like most guys), we were great friends for about 2 years and i gradually started having feelings for her, now i knew there was no way i could tell her as if she didnt feel the same way it would be terrible in work!! so i 'let it slip' to a mutual friend who i knew would tell her........and it worked out great!!!:) we're still together and very happy!!
maybe you could do something similar.....test the water so to speak??

yermandan

ManOfMystery wrote: »

You've a 50% chance of getting the response you want - that's better odds than most gambles give

She could feel the same ................ or she could just see you as a friend. The question is, if she does see you as a friend, can you continue to be friends with her without allowing your feelings to affect the relationship you have? e.g. if she gets a boyfriend, if she hooks up with guys on a night out, etc.

If you think you can handle a negative response, then by all means - tell her how you feel. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. But if you can't handle it, then perhaps you should let this slide and try and just concentrate on being friends.

For what it's worth, I was in an identical situation years ago and ended up telling the girl how I felt. She didn't feel the same and whilst I felt pretty low at the time, I realised afterwards that it takes two to tango and if her feelings weren't there then we were always going to be better off as friends than as boyfriend/girlfriend. I also realised I didn't regret telling her - better that than to go years wondering what might have been.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

What he said...

best of luck

extra-ordinary_

I can't tell you what to do, but in my experience -

I knew this woman 3-4 years and we were best friends. I kept my feelings of wanting more secret for ages. I was in love with her and she was in love with me - she just didn't know it! Eventually I thought that I was basically being dishonest with her if I didn't tell her how I felt about her. Secondly, I thought, what could be better than telling someone that you're falling in love with them? As it turned out it seemed like she felt it as some sort of betrayal when I told her. I explained everything to her, and afterwards although she didn't want to go my way, I was really happy with myself for having done it. My cards were on the table and the following couple of months, I think she started to get used to the idea and we eventually hooked up.

pisslips

Take the jump, for the craic if nothing else.

Don't ever be 70 without a few stories of how you got burned embarrassed and fell in love.

Do it for Jesus or something, whatever reason you need, just do it.

This is the privelage and curse of being a man.