boyfriend resenting me because im unemployed

LegacyUser

I thought I would have a job by now,i have looked and applied for so many jobs and have had little response in the nearly 6mths I have been so looking hard for. I have had two interested companies, one I still have to hear and the other is an agency with little work who promised work for me by now.
Its causing little arguments with me and my bf because I feel like a scab and have little money to do things and have to juggle my money. I don't have a car or luxuries and i feel he resents me because i don't have a job or that im not independant and it really irritates me, i think he thinks im starting to look like a scab or whichever way you want to describe that feeling.
My self worth is slowly dissapearing,and find myself lying about what i do during the day so he thinks im not a complete lazy person. but im really not,i wish there were more jobs out there to apply for but their isn't. i know alot of other people are in the same position and it's quite tough, i've talked to him about this a few times,not about my feelings but about my position on the job front and he understands but now and again i just know he is slowly resenting me.
what do i do? argue my case whenever money issues arise,about why i can't afford this or that?
would it be worth a shot looking at another country to work?

thanks for listening

MissFlitworth

Could you maybe be projecting some of how you're feeling about yourself onto him? I was in a similar situation a couple of years back and because I was feeling so awful about myself and so worried that people would think I was a lazy good-for-nothing I had myself convinced that they were thinking exactly that. I used to be nearly dancing at the door when people came home to present them with my list of stuff I'd done that day to get a job and convinced that every time I couldn't go out or couldn't afford to go away they thought I was a scabby eejit. Turned out in the end it was totally in my head. I definitely think it's worth having a big chat with him about how you're feeling at the moment, not just about the jobs you're looking for. Just so you don't have loads of stuff playing on your mind about how you think he's thinking at the moment (ooo, tongue-twister) and can start trying to buoy up your sense of self worth

ellie1

i just know he is slowly resenting me.

No you dont.

Unless he has told you this or unless you have required mind reading skills and read his mind and found out he thinking this.

Maybe you would resent him if he was in the same position.
Just keep harping away on the jobs front. You will get there in the end.

Taltos

Agree with the rest here. Chances are that you are in fact projecting how you feel about yourself onto him.

Why not just ask him?

Thing is if he loves you - he won't care.
If he does mind - find out what is bothering him exactly.

Here's the secret - once you start working and earning you are going to be damn tired - maybe too tired for all the fun you both could be having right now. So chances are he is loving it

Remember - it is all about the stories...

As to getting a job - in the meantime to make yourself feel better maybe see about doing a course or volunteering somewhere. Idle hands and all that only make you doubt yourself....

miec

Hi Op

I agree with the other posters that you are projecting your insecurities onto him, however, I can understand how you feel because I am in the same boat. Like you I expected to have a job by now, having finished college nearly six months ago, like you, no joy and I have been applying like crazy. For a period it got to me and I live with my partner so I felt like a bum for a while, but it was in my head, not in his. He loves me and is happy to support me. I have accepted that he is happy to support me and very grateful. He knows I am not lazy nor sitting around doing nothing. I actively seek work, I am also looking at retraining and currently doing an e-course to update my office skills and so forth. I would consider doing voluntary work (in an area that interests you) because you will be kept busy, it looks great on your CV and the charity will benefit, plus it will help your self esteem. I was long term unemployed in a previous recession and it really got to me until I did voluntary work, it really boosted my confidence and kept boredom at bay.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your replies, it has reassured me greatly and put things into a better perspective.

Thanks again!