first year in college

LegacyUser

i am a first year in college and am just not settling in. Back home, i had lots of friends, and was seeing a guy. i was never short of invitations to parties/nights out and i was sooo happy with my life. Since iv moved down to college, iv lost contact with my friends (even though i have tried desperatly to stay in contact with them, they didnt put in the same effort) the guy i was seeing moved to dublin and now has a gf, and i have no circle of friends.
im just by myself down here (im 4 hours from home) and no matter what i do i cant seem to gain a set circle of friends. iv had nights out with people from my course, and i thought that we were gonna start hanging out and i was delighted, but its not the case.
a girl from my course text everybody in my course tonight to see if we wanted to go out, and i text back saying i would. shes getting ready at her place with all her friends and will meet me at the club... so im now getting ready and sitting drinking by myself... cant get much more pathetic than that!
i dont want to go out, but i dont think i can afford to turn down an invite out.
i look around me and everybody seems to have friends and people to hang out with. i just am so worried that il never gain a group of friends. im not used to relying on myself and being by myself, iv always had my friends here. i loved college at the start because nobody had set friends, but now they do and i hate it.

LegacyUser

I absolutly *loved* college but I was half way through second year before I "got" it.

In first year I pined and pined for my mates and way of life back home, and came back to them every weekend (3 hour trip e/w!!) and hated going back oin sunday nights.

What got me into liking it was finding a society that really really suited me. I made brand new friends in there (many of whom I still have nearly 7 years later).

it's never too late to make friends in college.

fonpokno

I don't really have much advice to offer but just bear in mind you're not the only one feeling like this. So many people find college difficult to settle into especially when it comes to making friends and unfortunately school friends do tend to drift off.

I've just started first year in a new college this year and even though there's only 22 in the class I don't think anyone is entirely comfortable with the new group yet but it's only been 4 weeks for us.

See if you can find a society that interests you, I find that people who make the effort to go to societies are usually really willing to make new friends. Try not to get too distressed about feeling like this, the vast majority of new students feels this way at some point.

Firetrap

You're not unique in this. For a lot of people, life as they know it ends when they go to college. The end of their comfort zone. A fair number of people do lose touch with their old schoolfriends or find that they don't have a lot in common with them any more. I assume you're only a few weeks into college so don't panic. What you have on your side is that you're in 1st year and most people are still trying to find their feet and make friends. Make an effort to chat to people in your class. When waiting for class. When sitting beside them before class.

Definitely join a society of some sort. The main thing is to come across as pleasantly as possible to people. You had friends in school so it's only a matter of time before you make some here too. And you will continue to make friends throughout your time in college.

LegacyUser

thanks guys. i know your right. as i type im on the college website looking up societies. il try anything at this stage. its just that everybody seems tp have met their bff already, but there must be some people who havnt. thanks guys xx

LegacyUser

Moved away from home where I had loads of friends to go to college 3 hours away. I hated college for the 1st semester didnt know anyone down there and I was jealous of people had good friends from school going into college or even had good house mates which I didnt. The only thing that kept me going to college was playing sport and I got to know a good few lads though that. But after being super friendly and ringing up people I really didn't know and asking them if they where going out I got to know a lot of people and loved college from the 2nd semester on wards in 1st year. One of my friends from home came to the college the year after I did and he did the opposite of me and after 3 years in college he doesnt know anyone expect from our home town and he even said to me I wish I had made more of an effort at the start of college.

Now I have a different problem as I am doing a course that is a year longer then normal (4 years) a lot of my friends have now finished college and one of my very good mates from my course has deferred for a year to a year long placement and I am having trouble getting people to head out with.