Feeling Lonely :(

LegacyUser

I was a total idiot and spent the last year in a very full-on relationship and put hardly any effort into my friendships.

I still have 2 very close friends but they go away a lot of the time and have other committments so obviously I can't be with them as much as I'd like to, and sometimes it gets a bit much just spending a lot of time with only two people.

I'm not feeling the love in my relationship with my boyfriend anymore and think I'm going to break up with him in the next few days - we haven't seen each other in a while as we're growing apart and I can already start to feel how lonely my life is going to be from now on.

Obviously I have other accquaintances who I can chat to, but nobody I can really connect with and talk to about how I feel. I just feel so incredibly lonely, even though I've grown up in this city and lived here my whole life I don't really feel like I have any friends and don't really know how to deal with it

Pleeeease help me

drusk

I think you should ring/meet your friends individually and explain to them that you feel like an idiot for allowing your relationship with your boyfriend to damage your friendships. Tell them you're sorry. If they were good friends to begin with, then I'm sure they'll understand.

But you need to bite the bullet and explain how you feel to them. The only other option, as far as I can see, is to always regret putting a boyfriend before a friendship. Communication here is key to resolving your feelings of loneliness.

LegacyUser

Hi. I know exactly how you feel I have just broken up with my girlfriend of 4 years and although I am only just 25 feel like I've been living the life of a middle aged man!! I have lost touch with most of my friends and while I have a lot of acquaintances I only meet my closest friends every other week and we're not as close as we once were.

Its difficult to know where to go from here but I guess at the same time because its a new situation for us its bound to be scary. What Im doing to try to help is I'm going to the gym quite a bit more and filling the gaps with other things but not making any leigitmate connections.

Overheal

I think you should talk with the boyfriend for starters. Explain your situation. Tell him you are wanting to go out and spend more quality time with your friends than you have been doing. You dont have to live in eachothers pockets and only hang out together. No more than you have to breakup with him in order to have a night out with your friends.

Before doing anything rash as well, re-evaluate your definition of love. I know a lot of couples in their first year are very touchy feely while longer relationships are less so. I joke with my boss about it all the time: His marriage and family is going great, but he'll "I love you" in an almost mumble over the phone. He says its "A 15-years 'I love you'." Which does make a lot of sense.

My personal favorite was phone call they were having about the grocery store: "Ok...Ok...Alright I love you. And Cheese."