Cheated

LegacyUser

My boyfriend of two years made out with a girl from his past! I found out about it and he admitted everything, was in tears and begged for forgiveness - saying he was so sorry, didn't plan for it to happen and regretted every second of his betrayal. He's asking me to stay with him, he's sorry and would never do it again EVER but I don't know if I should stay! I love him, have had a wonderful relationship - full of love and affection and just want to forgive him but I'm not sure whether I should or can! Am I weak to stay with him? Or should I try again?

minidazzler

Kissing someone once isn't that bad overall. Forgive, but remember it and if he does it again kick him out on his ass.

Are you willing to give up a whole relationship for one moment of weakness?

LegacyUser

yeah..wasn't just kissing, there were other stuff involved but not sex as far as I know

Wagon

Depends if you can trust him again or not. If you can't see yourself completely getting past this and never bringing it up again then i think you should end it because you'll just end up hating him. It's entirely up to you.

ciagr297

minidazzler wrote: »

Forgive, but remember it and if he does it again kick him out on his ass

just want to add here that while you should remember the incident, don't hold it over him or throw it back at him constantly (like in every argument)

you should remember that it happened for you and if it happens again (hopefully not) then you take control and walk

krudler

Cheating is an instant dealbreaker for me, was with a girl who kissed someone else once, years back when i as young and stupid, forgave her but could never trust her again, once a cheater always a cheater,found out another girl did the same thing a few years later she got dumped on the spot and I never looked back, no time for people who take their relationshops for granted

kenbrady

confusedgal wrote: »

didn't plan for it to happen

Cheating very rarely just happens (people spontaneously just kiss/have sex). He must have been talking to her and flirting with her for a while before it happened. Even if it was only a kiss, it still took some steps to get to the kiss, maybe not planned but the kiss is the end result of behavior that is acted upon.

confusedgal wrote: »

regretted every second of his betrayal.

I'd say his biggest regret is getting caught, did he break the kiss and run away, has he talked to her since about it.

LegacyUser

He eventually admitted it after me questioning why he hadn't been himself all week - basically uninterested in anything and very despondent...he eventually told me all the details...

LegacyUser

kenbrady wrote: »

Cheating very rarely just happens (people spontaneously just kiss/have sex). He must have been talking to her and flirting with her for a while before it happened. Even if it was only a kiss, it still took some steps to get to the kiss, maybe not planned but the kiss is the end result of behavior that is acted upon.


I'd say his biggest regret is getting caught, did he break the kiss and run away, has he talked to her since about it.

They were friends so yes talking occurred I'm sure
He's cut all contact with her and anyone related to her! I know for a fact he's done this much!

Wibbs

A one off snog can happen*. More than that I would be dubious about. Full sex? I'd be very dubious about. I could still forgive though if I loved her and she understood why she did it, told me why, admitted responsibility for it, and was willing to work towards us as a couple. More long term emotional cheating would actually concern me more funny enough.

* when I say can happen I mean the circumstances can arise, but it is intentional. Unless she walked up to him in the club and just started to snog him she knew exactly what he was doing and there are enough steps between saying hiya and snogging and fiddling with wobbly bits. The reasons why are the important part and whether you can truly forgive and move on as a couple.

daisybelle2008

confusedgal wrote: »

He eventually admitted it after me questioning why he hadn't been himself all week - basically uninterested in anything and very despondent...he eventually told me all the details...

Looks like he was been eating up with guilt, which is no bad thing. If he seems to be genuinely sorry and afraid of what he could have lost with you. He may be more appreciative of your forgiveness.
My fear would be that it would be a license for him to cheat again and trust would be an issue.
It is important if you do forgive him that you start from a clean slate and put it in the past.
Noone can really advise what to do, you have to dig deep and decide if you can and if it is worth it.
It does seem to me that he is not a natural cheat, i.e the guilt and admission and you do not seem to be a doormat so maybe this is something your relationship can survive.

opinion guy

confusedgal wrote: »

My boyfriend of two years made out with a girl from his past!

LOL - to temporarily lighten the mood - i read this sentence and automatically assumed someone had been time travelling before my brain kicked in:D:D

Hmm my general attitude to this is if someone cheats on me and tells me themselves and genuinely seems remorseful i'll give them the benefit of the doubt, if they don't tell me and I find out then its see you later loser. My basic logic being the lying about it is actually worse than the cheating - as Wibbs says - circumstances may arise. Sounds like this one is somewhere in the middle - he didnt' admit it straight up, but does seem like he was fairly guilt-ridden.

SarahSassy

I find it very strange that he is now banned from talking to this girls family. There is no point trying to force his fidelity by controlling him, he will choose whether or not to be faithful

LegacyUser

SarahSassy wrote: »

I find it very strange that he is now banned from talking to this girls family. There is no point trying to force his fidelity by controlling him, he will choose whether or not to be faithful

He's not been banned. He decided to do this himself - it was his idea.

SarahSassy

Sorry op took it up wrong. Bottom line, he may of may not ever cheat on you again but you need to decide if you can live peacefully with what he has done to you and your relationship. Good luck