What should I do ?

troubleshooter

Theres a woman who I went out with last Summer, quite short and intense then we fell out. Got talking on facebook again, after we split she send 12 A4 pages of typing to me about what we had experienced/telling me how bad I was etc, so obviously I had had some effect on her, ha.

Want to see her again,havent told her though, she can easily go the other way, she giving mixed messages, told her I just want us to be spiritual friends.

From her last face book message

"Little at a time we can make someone decent of you!.. No more dependancy (drugs, sex) no more irresponsible behaviour (getting a 25 year old pregnant... you are 40! Don't you think of the consequences of unprotected sex!)"

"You are a user, a gambler, a player (read your own quote above) but you so want to come out of that too. It all comes back to what I was talking to you in my mail about the map of reality we create, most of the time unknowingly/subconcsiously but that then turn us into automatic response mechanisms."

"Get famous fast, then I can write a book on "How to understand **** and not get hurt" and make millions myself...."


"Must hurry finish the packing. Would love your clever opinion on forgiveness about an issue I've got with my parents. Kind of complex... Noone can answer my query. Will talk to you soon if you don't go all funny again after this mail."

" I'm very keen on finding the time and a really good Qi Gong class as those few minutes with you were so powerful."


......................I really want to see her again, I really like her, shes a player herself and a pathological liar, but theres something about her.

So what should I do ? should I mention to her an exhibition in stuff shes into thats on, ask her to come along etc, or invite her to my house for food, and more Qi Gong, (its like Tai Chi).

Please help me out, its genuinly bothering me, its v fragile.

SarahSassy

troubleshooter wrote: »

after we split she send 12 A4 pages of typing to me about what we had experienced/telling me how bad I was etc,

Why in the name of God would you want to be in a relationship with someone who would spend hours writing down your faults????

troubleshooter wrote: »

so obviously I had had some effect on her, ha.

Yeah a toxic one. The pair of ye sound exactly that - toxic... Think long and hard about this one...

troubleshooter

SarahSassy wrote: »

Why in the name of God would you want to be in a relationship with someone who would spend hours writing down your faults????



Yeah a toxic one. The pair of ye sound exactly that - toxic... Think long and hard about this one...

No we not, she like a muse to me, she makes me feel v creative, prob is she is v dishonest, it makes me then project my insecure side onto her.

This is the weird bit, like the quotes above tells me how bad I am, then how great I am,its confussing.

When we are around each other it feels amazing, and thats rare.

SarahSassy

Its not confusion - she is a head wrecker and you are coming across as insecure and as such are willing to be treated like this... You will find another muse.

troubleshooter

SarahSassy wrote: »

Its not confusion - she is a head wrecker and you are coming across as insecure and as such are willing to be treated like this... You will find another muse.

She has no impact, she trys to "neg me"ie be negative cause shes got low self esteem and deep down thinks shes not good enough, when I never wanted to know her she was all over me, as soon as I showed her some respect, she went cooler. if I show her love she will push me away. I dumped he previously cause she was doing my head in.

Dont meet many who can hold my intrest as she has.

Your right, from the outside saying move on, but I know there are emotions on both sides involved.

opinion guy

I'm sorry but i have no idea what your original post actually means. What are all the quotes about ?

SarahSassy

opinion guy wrote: »

I'm sorry but i have no idea what your original post actually means. What are all the quotes about ?

His muse pointing out HIS faults.

troubleshooter

opinion guy wrote: »

I'm sorry but i have no idea what your original post actually means. What are all the quotes about ?

Its explained in the post, basically Im looking for advice on how to move it forward, should I invite her round, suggest something to do we both have in common, or simply play at keeping her at a distance, knowing in the past when I did this she was all over me.

I think the last options best connect with her, but keep it vague for a while, tell her weve both moved on lets just be friends who are spiritually connected and into self development.

If I invite her round, ie be nice, she will see it as weakness and reject it, she cant handle nice guys, remember shes got low self esteem,shes French, in her childhood both parents sexually abused for for 10 years, took pictures, done stuff which even I was totally shocked at hearing.

Its sad cause shes got so much potential,shes a profesional got a degree etc, has a history of dating guys way below her, she wrecks there heads, they end up beating her up.

liah

Sounds like you're made for each other so. If it keeps two other people from getting screwed over by you two players then I say go for it.

Firetrap

I'd run very fast in the opposite direction and be glad, if you did have unprotected sex, that she's not carrying your kid.

troubleshooter

Firetrap wrote: »

I'd run very fast in the opposite direction and be glad, if you did have unprotected sex, that she's not carrying your kid.

Shes a very attractive French girl and intelligent,v classy its not like theres loads about.

opinion guy

Are you nuts ? Run like the wind. She sounds like she needs years of therapy, not a boyfriend.

troubleshooter

opinion guy wrote: »

Are you nuts ? Run like the wind. She sounds like she needs years of therapy, not a boyfriend.

Well she thinks i need therepy

Im not nuts, we have just have an amazing connection, which she wrecks with lying, decit etc. Its frustrating.

ciagr297

OP, this seems fairly cut and dried to me.

Either you decide that you cannot deal with her behaviour no matter what the connection is
OR
you decide to figure out how to deal with it because its worth it based on the connection you have with her

you know her, and how she behaves

make a decision and don't delude yourself into believing you can have her without her behaviour.

troubleshooter

ciagr297 wrote: »

OP, this seems fairly cut and dried to me.

Either you decide that you cannot deal with her behaviour no matter what the connection is
OR
you decide to figure out how to deal with it because its worth it based on the connection you have with her

you know her, and how she behaves

make a decision and don't delude yourself into believing you can have her without her behaviour.

em, well I tell myself Im strong enough do deal with her behaviour, keep her at a distance, but she got to me, because at first she was normal so I was open with her, then the games started.

I made a big error, brought her to a real nice expensive restaurant and then to a club,after we had been going out a few weeks, we had a great night out, I paid, because I run a couple of business, wanted to treat her. After that she saw me as weak/lost respect/knew I like her, the games started. Previous to that we went dutch.

Later learned shes used to dating low grade, v uneducated guys who she pays for, I suppose she feels more comfortable with that type of guy.

Want to give it another crack, this time I know the score.

So the question is what the best way to build a rapour again with out me showing I like her or need or want her.

SarahSassy

troubleshooter wrote: »

Want to give it another crack, this time I know the score.

Why? Why? Why?

troubleshooter wrote: »

So the question is what the best way to build a rapour again with out me showing I like her or need or want her.

Mental carry on. I really would prefer if this was a troll than believing this is actually going on.

troubleshooter

SarahSassy wrote: »

Why? Why? Why?



Mental carry on. I really would prefer if this was a troll than believing this is actually going on.

Why, cause i really like her, we could be great together, if only she could try to heal, our journey could be so great, instead she trapped by her own fears and low self esteem, but i cant communicate that too her its programmed into her subconscious, from her experiences.

Liam Byrne

troubleshooter wrote: »

v classy its not like theres loads about.

You've got a VERY strange definition of "classy" if you view someone who'll vent like that as "classy" :rolleyes:

If you want drama and headwreck, follow up on it; if you want a proper relationship based on respect and honesty, go elsewhere.

troubleshooter

Liam Byrne wrote: »

You've got a VERY strange definition of "classy" if you view someone who'll vent like that as "classy" :rolleyes:

If you want drama and headwreck, follow up on it; if you want a proper relationship based on respect and honesty, go elsewhere.

Classy as in attractive, speaks French, English, Italian, educated/attractive, dresses v french v stylish.

Liam Byrne

troubleshooter wrote: »

Classy as in attractive, speaks French, English, Italian, educated/attractive, dresses v french v stylish.

That'd be too narrow a definition of classy for me; classy is also about how someone acts and behaves....

Firetrap

Agreed. She sounds like a headwreck though to be fair there are two of them in it. OP, you can decide either to try and get back into a toxic relationship where your head will be wrecked or you can cut your losses and get the hell out of there. Classy or no classy.

People on this thread are advising you to get out of there - perhaps it's time to take that on board.