Need New Direction

LegacyUser

Hi there,

Am looking for some inspiration please. Am single in my 30s and would really like to meet someone. Don't have the energy for the pub/club scene anymore. Went out last night and just didn't enjoy it. Everyone seemed so young and just wasn't feeling it. I did sign up to an online dating site but to be honest wasn't overly excited about the people I met. I am aware that I may seem negative but really am not just a little jaded with how difficult it seems to meet guys in Dublin compared with US say. I used to be a bit of a partier but don't drink so much anymore and since most of my friends are now married or settled down don't really go out that much. Where do single men in their 30s go out?? Is there another way to make friends meet people that doesn't involve the pub scene? (Please don't say hillwalking). I don't want to be alone and want to be proactive but not a deaparado either.
Thanks for reading my moan!

e04bf099

Don't give up on dating sites. I'm gonna try them out but I just had an experience with a girl who must have felt that I was very forward. She said explicitly that she was interested (we had similar tastes and it sounded, from how she wrote, like we were of the same clothe) after we exchanged about 28 messages, but after one particular message of mine I think it was like I came on too strong. But if that was why she stopped messaging, then she totally misinterpretted me (I'm not such an idiot that I can't be aware of my own behaviour, literate or not), which is very easy to do when communicating via a keyboard. I'm not complaining though. That is the way it goes sure. I shouldn't have built it up so much, and then I wouldn't have been disappointed.

I'm just saying that there are nice guys on these sites and you just have to keep plugging away I think.

Please do not assume that what I am sayin' is:
"I am really nice and you should keep pluggin' away because I am there and you would like me!"

That is the kind of misinterpretation that I mean is easy.

Maybe I'm just saying that I haven't given up on them and neither should you. Damn! That is such a cliched proposal. Read whatever you want from this then, but remember that a lot of the lads are looking for the exact same thing you are and some might surprise you if you give them a chance.

ash23

e04bf099 wrote: »

Don't give up on dating sites. I'm gonna try them out but I just had an experience with a girl who must have felt that I was very forward. She said explicitly that she was interested (we had similar tastes and it sounded, from how she wrote, like we were of the same clothe) after we exchanged about 28 messages, but after one particular message of mine I think it was like I came on too strong. But if that was why she stopped messaging, then she totally misinterpretted me (I'm not such an idiot that I can't be aware of my own behaviour, literate or not), which is very easy to do when communicating via a keyboard. I'm not complaining though. That is the way it goes sure. I shouldn't have built it up so much, and then I wouldn't have been disappointed.

I'm just saying that there are nice guys on these sites and you just have to keep plugging away I think.

Please do not assume that what I am sayin' is:
"I am really nice and you should keep pluggin' away because I am there and you would like me!"

That is the kind of misinterpretation that I mean is easy.

Maybe I'm just saying that I haven't given up on them and neither should you. Damn! That is such a cliched proposal. Read whatever you want from this then, but remember that a lot of the lads are looking for the exact same thing you are and some might surprise you if you give them a chance.

Sorry to go slightly off topic but just to say, is it possible that after 28 messages you still didn't ask her out and it was more that she got bored and moved on?
I went on dating sites for a bit and so many guys just talk the talk but don't back it up with any substance. They drag it out too long. If you thought you liked her then I hope you just asked her out. If not then I doubt it was that you came on too strong and more than you procrastinated too much.

I remember I was talking to and texting a man from a site for over 2 months before he worked up the guts to ask me out. We went out, got on well but sadly, I just didn't fancy him.
So I gotta say, I wouldn't waste that much time and energy on a guy again only for it to fall flat on its face when we meet.


OP, I'm in a similar boat. Feel quite old when I go to a club.
But at the start of this year I made a new years resolution. It was to accept every invitation I got to socialise. No matter where it was or what it was, if I could go, I had to go.

So I have been out loads and gone to some places I never would have gone. I have met a LOT of guys, I'm still single lol but it hasn't been for lack of meeting men, I just haven't met the right one. Yet!
I've been to lots of different pubs, towns and counties. Table quizzes, speed dating, fancy dress, theatre, art exhibitions......It's amazing the fun nights you miss out on by always going to the local or thinking that something isn't worth the effort.
So my advice is to become a yes person. Say yes to everything you are asked to do, even if you think you don't want to.
I've actually become a bit lax and have turned down a couple of things I should have said yes to. Time to start being a yes girl again!

e04bf099

I asked her out 3 times (maybe once or twice to much, but I was very interested). She said she needed to be comfortable with someone before meeting them, otherwise she'd be awkward.

daisybelle2008

bhweekend wrote: »

Hi there,

Am looking for some inspiration please. Am single in my 30s and would really like to meet someone. Don't have the energy for the pub/club scene anymore. Went out last night and just didn't enjoy it. Everyone seemed so young and just wasn't feeling it. I did sign up to an online dating site but to be honest wasn't overly excited about the people I met. I am aware that I may seem negative but really am not just a little jaded with how difficult it seems to meet guys in Dublin compared with US say. I used to be a bit of a partier but don't drink so much anymore and since most of my friends are now married or settled down don't really go out that much. Where do single men in their 30s go out?? Is there another way to make friends meet people that doesn't involve the pub scene? (Please don't say hillwalking). I don't want to be alone and want to be proactive but not a deaparado either.
Thanks for reading my moan!

Alternatives to the pub scene are things like hill walking and internet dating, speed dating etc. unfortunately there are not a million other options.

daisybelle2008

e04bf099 wrote: »

I asked her out 3 times (maybe once or twice to much, but I was very interested). She said she needed to be comfortable with someone before meeting them, otherwise she'd be awkward.

Pity, seems like she was holding herself back so much she missed out on an opportunity.

e04bf099

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

Pity, seems like she was holding herself back so much she missed out on an opportunity.

Thanks, I hope so, although there could be some glaring reason I am just not considering. At the time it seemed a sure thing that I'd meet her because it is impossible to get a proper read of a person over the internet, but I had zero expectations beyond that. It was a strange one.

Sorry for going O/T

daisybelle2008

e04bf099 wrote: »

Thanks, I hope so, although there could be some glaring reason I am just not considering. At the time it seemed a sure thing that I'd meet her because it is impossible to get a proper read of a person over the internet, but I had zero expectations beyond that. It was a strange one.

Sorry for going O/T

Well you can have no regrets, you gave it a shot and tried, that is the most you can do, a good example to the OP when it comes to the single scene.

ash23

Originally Posted by e04bf099
I asked her out 3 times (maybe once or twice to much, but I was very interested). She said she needed to be comfortable with someone before meeting them, otherwise she'd be awkward.

Ah, well then she was the one who is ll talk but no action. lots of them out there, you spend time talking to them and thats all they really want, some chat to boost their ego but they have no real intention of actually being proactive about meeting.

PLenty of them online. You get to spot them pretty quickly.

LegacyUser

Martial arts clubs, tag rugby, something like that. That's where they all are!!! Might seem a little masculine a scary, but in my experience they are a great way to stay fit and there are some truly lovely guys there. And I agree with a previous poster that you have to accept EVERY invitation you receive and even if you don't drink a lot at them, you can still meet some great people. It's all about networking-increasing your circle. Read "If I'm so great, why am I still single?". Probably the cheesiest title in the world, but it's a great read. You can buy it on Amazon so you don't look like a tool in Easons!!

thebiggestjim

bhweekend wrote: »

(Please don't say hillwalking).

That was funny

Sorry thats all I can contribute to the thread, good luck with the hunt.

here are some practical suggestions.....go to the pub on a saturday afternoon or early evening ...go to the pub on a Sunday night ...both of these times attract an older crowd...go to more old man type pubs ...Grogans on south Williams st is a great place of striking up a conversation with someone ...Friday after work is a good time to meet people ...there a pub at the bottom of Cardiff lane its always packed early on a Friday evening same with a pub in Ballsbridge i pass ..lots of people go for a drink after work


go to places where men will be..the top gear show ..rugby match ..gaa..horesracing.. and you have a bit of craic as well

fair enough if you don't like hillwalking but as others have said tag rugby or volunteering ..something like the civil defence

and finally try interned dating it might work for you

your probably not meeting men in there 30ths out on a Saturday night because they have got fed up of the pub/club scene as well

while you might find it easier to get a date in New york its also the place where people will tell they have been married and divorced twice by the time they were 30 ..and think nothing of it....

I was at a wedding recently where the groom was 46 and the bride 45 neither of them had been married before ..they meet two years ago...in a pub they just got chatting!...

Warfi

Lis21830 wrote: »

You can buy it on Amazon so you don't look like a tool in Easons!!

Great tagline....you should work for marketing at Amazon

I broke up with someone a few months back, and since then I've made a conscious effort to start doing all the things I love doing, instead of making the usual excuses that I'm too tired, what's the point yada yada. So it's all gigs, piano playing, running and meeting up with friends in locations outside of my home town.

I haven't met anyone, but I'm enjoying myself.
I look wrecked, but there's always botox

santana75

Hi
I understand your frustration, its a difficult balancing act. On one hand you dont wanna be desperate but on the other you dont wanna close yourself off either. I wouldnt blame you on your aversion to internet dating, ive never engaged it in myself but I have a couple of friends who did and the verdict was pretty poor(and they used pay sites not the free ones). So if you just dont want to go down the internet dating route, dont.
Where do single men in their 30s hang out? I know youve heard it before but sporting activities is a big one. Im a single guy in my 30s and I can tell you that their are quite a few snigle men who are members of running clubs.. These are good guys who love their sport and dont want to waste their lives rotting in pubs & niteclubs. But I understand if you have no interest in running or any sports. I mean you gotta engage in activities that you genuinely like, not just stuff you think will help you meet people. Meeting people is a bonus you gotta like what you do first and foremost. You maybe single but like you said that doesnt mean youre a desperado. Keep your dignity no matter what and do what feels right for you.

LegacyUser

H there,

OP here. Didn't expect more replies on this but thank you to those who replied especially marialice (great practical advice) warfi (think I spelt wrong) and santana75. Santana you seem like such a nice guy with lovely advice. It's really uplifting that total strangers will respond to my moan in such a lovely warm, empathic and genuine way Thank you all.