2 Guys- 1 confused girl

LegacyUser

The issue i have is this, i'm currently attached and have been for many years, i love my boyfriend he's great, everything i want in a guy BUT, there's this other guy a friend whom i've just come to realize that i like as more than a friend. This other guy is the total opposite of everything i look for in a guy both looks wise and personality wise and yet i cant stop thinking about him.
Every time i'm with my boyfriend i'm thinking of the other guy, every time i kiss my boyfriend, its the other guy that i'm kissing in my head. I am in a total fluster now and i don't know what to do, i feel incredibly guilty for the way i'm feeling. I know just because your in a relationship doesn't mean you cant have crush on other people but, i feel like this is more than that!
I'm not quite sure what i'm looking for here, i guess i just needed somewhere to air my dirty laundry so to speak. Do you think there comes a stage in your life where you realize that the type of guy you hate and usually steer clear from turns out to be the guy thats most suited to you?
Any advice or comments or feedback of any kind would be appreciated x

opinion guy

I think there are two likelihoods here.

a) you've reached a stage in your relationship where you are a little comfortable/bored and see this other guy as something new and different

b) you've genuinely come to realise that you want something more/other than what your current BF doesn't offer you. This happens sometimes but rarely do people notice till they find someone else who has something more/different to offer.

So in answer to your question a question - do you think you have become bored or do you think you have changed and value something different to waht you previously did ?

Nervous Wreck

OP, I've seen this happen to many people before. If you follow up on this crush, I reckon the scenario will unfold something like this:

You flirt more with this guy and eventually end things with your current bf. There's a lot of tears and a lot of justifications and you tell him "It just isn't working anymore" etc etc and you never tell him about your crush on the other guy. Within a week, you kiss the new guy. Within two, you f*ck him. The next 2-3 weeks are blissful sex and indulgence. Then you realise that....

Unregistered wrote: »

This other guy is the total opposite of everything i look for in a guy both looks wise and personality wise

You realise that all the charm and mystique that this guy had when he was just out of arm's reach was in your head. It wasn't about him at all, it was about being free. It becomes stressed and uncomfortable and you end it. You realise that the whole thing was a big mistake and you didn't mean it and it was a moment of weakness and you go back to your ex and tell him you're sorry and he takes you back and life is, once again, amazing. And you never tell him about the other guy. A few months later, the whole thing happens again. This is your final break-up with your OH and it's for the best.




Basically what I'm saying is that you need to identify the issues that you have with your current relationship instead of ignoring them and creating sub-plots for yourself to fall into when you and the OH inevitably end things. By doing this, you'll hurt him, the new guy and yourself. If you want things to work with your current OH, you probably can still make that happen. It'll just take a bit of work. If not, then a clean break would be advisable and going off with the other guy, probably not so advisable....

Just my take on things and possibly way off but, as I've said, I've seen it happen so many times before......

jellyboy

hi op

Maybe the grass is greener on the other side?

How about taking a few days off and treating urself to me time?
And do a bit of soul searching....

beertons

It's always happens like post #3 says. Eye candy at work is all this guy is. We've all been in your boots. And we've all done different things.

Moomoo1

I think you should tell your bf about this... he needs to be alerted that there are such huge problems in the relationship

he might decide to break up with you mind, but still...

LegacyUser

hi op,
I am currently in the same situation you find yourself in.
I am with my fiancee for the last couple of years and plan on getting married next year.
I am also very friendly with a girl at work who is also engaged.
Everyday i try and tell myself that i have to avoid meeting her cause when i do i get all butterflies in stomach and that. I cant stop meeting her cause we work in close quarters.
I ask myself everyday what if she likes me to. I get all the signs that she does. But to be honest with myself i choose to see what i want to see. I reckon you feel the same way too just one thing to ask yourself. Is the other guy worth it? Yes your current bf deserves to be let go, if not dont throw what you got away on a whim

Wibbs

In any long termer you're going to notice people and that's fine. I'd even say it's healthy. But if you have two people in your head to a degree that makes you uncomfortable or you're in the position of choosing or afraid to lose one or both, then IMHO you don't love either of them enough to make a go of it with either.

I reckon its possible to love two people at once, just in different ways. Honeymoon mad pash in love usually transforms into long term commitment love over time. This should happen with the same person, but I've known it to apply to two different people(mostly but not always women. They often tend to think fancying someone else means more than just horniness). Funny, how you describe it sounds exactly like one of those examples I've seen. The second man/woman is nearly always the opposite of the current partner for a start. Stands to reason too.

So with your boyfriend you have the long term commitment love, but the in love/pash bit is much less than it was(it rarely lasts beyond 4 years that one, more usually 2 or 3). The new guy, the opposite guy is giving you those exciting feelings. That's why when you kiss or have nookie with your BF this guy pops into your head. It's all about the pash/sex. Now it could be mad pash love about to kick off, or you're simply missing those old exciting feelings with your BF. Him being so opposite to what you go for also ups the ante. Makes it even more exciting emotionally.

If you did dump the current guy to hop into bed/relationship with the new guy? I reckon Nervous Wreck has nailed it and indeed I would call him Mystic Nervous Wreck as I'm sure he's gonna look psychic down the line.

TL;DR? Current BF is nice but you're emotionally bored. You seek out his opposite to make up the emotional shortfall. As a prospect new guy will only satisfy that for a while as you'll start to miss the things your current guy has that new guy doesn't.

Try to inject more sexy time and excitement into your current relationship.

NickNolte

I'd be inclined to leave your boyfriend and enjoy single life for a little while until you mature a little bit and decide what it is that you actually want.