Chatting to women in public

e04bf099

High all, here is a general question.

I was on the bus earlier and wound up sitting next to this cute girl. I wasn't perving on her or anything but I did sneak a peak at the book she was reading in the hope of maybe sparking up a conversation. It was Wuthering Heights, which made me even more interested, but I just am not confident enough and in the end she just got off and I didn't say anything.

I think I'm either looking for assurance that this is normal or else just some people's experience or opinions. If it is normal to be chatted up in public then is there any particularly appropriate way of going about it.

I am desperately lonely and find it difficult to chat to women. I don't ask women out and when I do I come across to forward. I think I unnerve women or something.

Is there a consensus among women that this is flattering and generally accepted, or can it often be done in ways that make women uncomfortable.

LegacyUser

Maybe if you were French.... But in Ireland I think it's different.

Hit the net or a bar or meet sum1 at work but thinking that some chick just cause she's reading Wuthering Heights and is cute is going to like you too is naive and risky I think.

Abi

e04bf099 wrote: »

High all, here is a general question.

I was on the bus earlier and wound up sitting next to this cute girl. I wasn't perving on her or anything but I did sneak a peak at the book she was reading in the hope of maybe sparking up a conversation. It was Wuthering Heights, which made me even more interested, but I just am not confident enough and in the end she just got off and I didn't say anything.

Thats a pity. Its something like that, that would help bring on a conversation. But there is a way and you're well capable of it.

I think I'm either looking for assurance that this is normal or else just some people's experience or opinions. If it is normal to be chatted up in public then is there any particularly appropriate way of going about it.

I does happen. But it is how you go about it.

Set aside this whole scenario for a second. I'm sure you've been approached by randomers on the street before, could be someone trying to sell you something, somebody begging, doesn't matter who, you just don't know them. Your first instinct is caution, you've no idea who this person is, or what their intentions are.

Of course I'm not trying to say you are either; but you are the stranger to her. Then imagine the basics of become friends with someone, its a common niche you share, a point to discuss before you go on to find you share a lot of opinions. The basis of any good relationship is a good friendship, and you'll gain her trust in this way. You'll find out if shes interested in more along the way, but it's how its done.

I am desperately lonely and find it difficult to chat to women. I don't ask women out and when I do I come across to forward. I think I unnerve women or something.

You only feel that way because you feel nervous about the out come. You really need to relax about this, because if you dont you will only look odd. As I said above, be how you would if you were just making a friend to start with.

Is there a consensus among women that this is flattering and generally accepted, or can it often be done in ways that make women uncomfortable.

Theres no way of finding this out until you say something. Theres no one rule that works from one woman to the next. If this girl is on your daily bus route, I'd start it out small. Go with the book shes reading first, and show interest in her without seeming like you are prying.

You will only find out these things if you just speak to her, and thats the same for any man, across the board. Not just you.


Try not to feel so nervous about it, shes only human after all

e04bf099

@adsflklj

Naive is a strong word. I don't appreciate or agree with that, but you might be right that girls wouldn't appreciate the forwardness.

Thanks for replying Abigayle

Abi

adsflklj wrote: »

Maybe if you were French.... But in Ireland I think it's different.

Hit the net or a bar or meet sum1 at work but thinking that some chick just cause she's reading Wuthering Heights and is cute is going to like you too is naive and risky I think.

I don't agree with your post at all. What a massive generalisation of Irish men. I take it you wouldn't like people assuming things about you?

Secondly.. The net or a bar. I don't know where to begin with that. I'm aware there are some success stories from both, but they are far from ideal. The internet and bars are not the only way to meet people in this country.


You are welcome OP, you can do it

opinion guy

Yeah i think in other countries this kind of thing is much easier.

For what its worth what i sometimes do in these situations is make a chessy joke or two relating to the scenario just to test the waters. if they laugh/engage in conversation then game on. If they clam up or respond coldy I just don't bother beyond that (and actually consider myself fortunate to have found out how unfriendly they are)

e04bf099

Being uncomfortable/awkward when strangers talk you doesn't necessarilly mean they are unfriendly. I'm like that all the time - but I'm very friendly.

opinion guy

Well no if i tihnk someone is merely awkward i'll maybe chat more aor maybe just leave it depending on my own mood. but in this country i find people can be quite unfriendly unecessaruly in these situations
its very irish if you ask me

opinion guy

If you want to meet people best thing is take a class. Dance class especially, ballroom, salsa whatever. it good fun and you see the good part is that merely by partaking in the class you are automatically a) talking to people and b) the ice is prebroken by the fact you are dancing together. Of course the other advantage is being able to dance gives you a great confidence boost

scanlas

adsflklj wrote: »

Maybe if you were French.... But in Ireland I think it's different.

Hit the net or a bar or meet sum1 at work but thinking that some chick just cause she's reading Wuthering Heights and is cute is going to like you too is naive and risky I think.

A bit dramatic......Russian roulette is risky. Actually driving is even a 100 times more risky.

Eve_Dublin

opinion guy wrote: »

Well no if i tihnk someone is merely awkward i'll maybe chat more aor maybe just leave it depending on my own mood. but in this country i find people can be quite unfriendly unecessaruly in these situations
its very irish if you ask me

Very Irish? Interesting. How come most people I meet abroad who´ve been to my country comment on how friendly we are then? What you´ve described above is not "very Irish" at all actually.

G-Money

I was on the bus one day and there was a girl sitting in the seat behind me. A few stops after I got on, this guy got on who was an airline pilot. He sat down beside her and after a few minutes started talking to her. They didn't know each other but this didn't stop him. They kept chatting for a while and eventually the bus came to my stop so I hopped off.

It didn't seem weird, but I think the girl might have been Canadian. It makes me wonder though would she have been as receptive if she was Irish. I have to say I think there's nothing wrong with talking to a girl in public like that, but I think a lot of people would think its weird. I sort of get the impression that girls expect to be chatted up in bars or at work in this country. But if it happens outside those two places, then you can be branded a weirdo.

One other time I was taking the bus home to the north and I heard these two chatting a few rows behind me. I don't remember at which point they started talking but it was obvious they were two strangers. Anyway they'd been chatting for a while and the bus pulled into Carrickmacross so yer man had to get off as that was his stop. He got off the bus and then a few seconds later, got back on and he either gave the woman his number, or got hers. I can't remember which. Anyway it was a bit unusual but I suspect he didn't give two f***ks

I'm not tarring everyone with the same brush, but I just think it's the culture here. I can definitely imagine a girl who's been approached during the day telling her mates "gosh he was just such a weirdo like, talking to me like that in public".

But anyway, I know you lack confidence. I do myself. At the end of the day though, chances are that you will never see this girl again. So had it gone pear shaped, who cares? I guess the only problem with the bus is that you will have more people eavesdropping due to there being less background noise and less conversations taking place than there would be in a bar for example.

The only other tip I would give you is to try and not leave it too long to start chatting to her after you get on the bus. But if you can, try not to leave yourself scundered where if she isn't receptive for whatever reason, you're not forced into a long uncomfortable bus journey until your stop.

Keep it light and friendly and fun. Touch her arm a little, but not so much that she feels uncomfortable.

I also disagree with a previous poster who said the basis of a relationship is a good friendship. I'm not quite sure I get this, but I think if you start out just being friends with a girl when you really want more, it's a highway to hell. The reality is almost always you will get lumped into the friend zone and will never get out.

So don't make the mistake of just being friends but secretly or not so secretly hoping that it will mean you eventually get to be more. I think you need to set out your stall early in this regard.

My own view is that if I'm interested in a girl and she suggests just being friends at the start, I just say "thanks, but no thanks" and walk away. I've enough friends, I don't need any more.

I'm not saying she has to jump into bed with you straight away, but it's a bad precedent if you accept just friendship right from the off. My own rule is that two people should only agree to be friends if neither want to get into bed with the other.

If one of them do, they're destined for some pain.

Eve_Dublin

It´s not a cultural thing, believe me...if that girl was in Canada and some random guy started talking to her on the bus, she´d more than likely be just as wary. I´ve said it before and I´ll say it again: foreigners are more open to those types of random experiences, more so than they would be at home...and that´s why they´ve travelled abroad. It´s not an exclusively Irish attitude to be unfriendly in Ireland. It´s very much the opposite. After living abroad for 5 years, I got a shock the first time some guy commented on the weather when I was sheltering in a doorway in Dublin. If you´re open to it instead of discounting it as "not very Irish", then it´ll happen. Happens to me all the time and PARTICULARLY in Ireland. As I said above, the Irish are known to be a friendly nation...there´s no smoke without fire...most people I´ve met abraod have commented on that and some have lived here for a few years because of that reason. It all depends on how you do the approaching. Dublin might be a little less friendly than the rest of the country but is still relatively so for the biggest city in the country.

LegacyUser

I don't agree that talking to sum1 on the bus is going to deliver results though if you're looking for a gf. If you're looking to chat about the book and that's all you may well have a decent convo. I remember being on a bus and two girls sat down and later moved to the seats in front of me and made conversation with me on the way into town. To be honest I thought it was a little forward and I lost interest. They were full on. If you are going to attempt it make sure to give her space to reply and ask you a question to insure she is interested.

But I deffo think it's best to look where other people are also looking such as the net or bars. Classes, work or college can be great places too where you can test the waters and see that you get on over time.

Just my two pence worth!