Fear of pregnancy

LegacyUser

Hi

this is probably going to sound stupid but im terrified NOT at the thoughts of having a baby to care for, but the whole 9mths pregnancy and labour. As a background, ive always had a fear of doctors and a bad phobia of needles in particular. I have no idea why, as i never had any traumatic problems, never been seriously ill and have never been in hospital.

I hear horror stories from friends who've had babies about all the checks-ups, blood tests, the pain of labour, having to be cut and then have stitches. It horrifies me. Needless to say a c-section would also horrify me. But i want a baby and the idea of adopting doesnt appeal to me. Id also worry if i did get pregnant that the stress id feel about it would have an adverse effect on the child, with stress hormones being in the blood.
I dont really know what kind of advice im looking for. Just maybe wondering has anyone felt like this and what they did?

People always say things like "oh its worth it in the end" and "women have been doing this for centuries" but it doesnt help...thats like saying to someone with a fear of flying that its nothing to worry about. Being rational doesnt help with irrational fears
Should i just give up on the idea of ever having kids. I have a boyf - i dont think he understands quite how scared i feel about it all.

Kevster

Hi,

You can't decide right now either way if you'll have children or not! There's no definitive decision that ever has to be made (except in the case of getting a hysterectomy, but that's a different issue). I suggest that you talk to your mother about this, or a friend who has actually gone through it. If you don't let them know beforehand of the seriousness of your concern, then you'll just get the familiar 'it's worth it in the end' response. However, talk frankly to the person about it and explain that you're genuinely worried about it.

I'm male and - although I can never have a child - I can easily understand your concerns. It is an amazing concept to think of a person groqing inside you, but that's the way things have been since complex lifeforms emerged (and it doesn't look likely to change!). Anyway - yes - be sure to speak to someone you trust in a frank way about this.

Kevin

LegacyUser

Hiya,

I am wondering why you have to decide now, in a panic, whether to have kids or not? Maybe you may not want to have kids, ever, and if not, that's fine. Of course, a fear of needles would be an unusual reason not to have children. I don't have a phobia so I don't understand your feeling here. Though it kind of feels like you are missing the bigger picture by not focusing on the real reason why you get pregnant i.e. the baby.
All I can say is I have been through it twice. It is something that you can have no idea what it will be like before getting into it. It is silly to listen to peoples stories, mainly because whatever they tell you will probably not be anything like what you will experience.
I had blood taken twice during both pregnancies. Because I have neg blood. I had epidural twice but am glad that I did. It has something to get through to have the end result. The baby at the end of the day is what it is all about. The love you may feel either immediately or soon after is something that nobody can explain. The beauty of that little baby in your arms ..... again this is something you have to want and when you have it your life seems complete at that moment.
I hope you get a sense of calmness and focus and also a feeling that it is o.k. if you decide that this isn't for you. Not everbody is put on the world to procreate, just make sure you are one of them before you choose to let fear close this door for you.

LegacyUser

Op, I am the exact same as you.
I'm 27, and in a long term relationship....and oh my god, nothing terrifies me more than the thought of giving birth.
Even thinking about it makes me panic. I really want kids - someday. But - I'm so paralysingly terrified of the thought of the whole labour and birth thing.I can't make people understand that it scares me to death. I keep getting told the same - it's worth it in the end, etc, etc. But it doesn't help all that much!!
I don't know, I guess you're not alone. I'm just trying really hard to have faith in the people who tell me all this, and to believe them - but in my heart I know it won't take away from the fact that the day I go into labour,for the first time, I'll probably be the most terrified I'll ever be in my entire life.
Doesn't help - but you are SO not alone in thinking like this.

flibbertyjibbet

I think any unpleasant experiences during pregnancy like blood tests or injections etc, and childbirth would be very painful, but as with any negative experience or pain in life, you find a way to get through it. You just find ways of coping and you will get through it. The human body is designed for childbirth, and it changes during pregnancy in order to be ready for childbirth. I know it might seem impossible now, but just think of other times in your life. You may have had other bad experiences in your life where you may have felt that you couldn't go on and it was hopeless, or other physical pain where you felt it was unbearable, and you couldnt take anymore, but you got through it, you could do it, it wasn't hopeless, you were able to handle it and youre doing fine now, and i think pregnancy and childbirth will be the same.

Darthhoob

weird thing about birth..for me anyway. was that i was dreading it...but when the time came i was cool as a cucumber. the female body is made to give birth and cope with it. yes it's painful but you can cope...i did it again...and going to do it a third time too. if it was THAT bad i wouldn't lol....and i am a wuss. it's much easier and more pleasant though without midwives and doctors faffing round you. they tend to rush you and make you panic more.

with the blood tests they honestly do not hurt (mostly). you can ask for a anesthetic to be applied 30 mins before to numb the area even more. though you probably best hope your blood group isn't negative cos extra jab then...which does sting :rolleyes: but it's better if the midwife does it quickly than slowly tbh

wolfpawnat

Hey OP, I am 22 and I am a mum of a little man that is 8 months old, and the gods honest truth, I was terrified of birth, even in labour I was crying about my fear of it!

Pregnancy is not as bad as everyone makes it out to be! I walked an hour to and another back from my check-up at 39weeks pregnant, across Dublin city!!!! I had haemorroids and morning sickness, stretch marks (still do) and heart burn, but in all fairness, it was never a case of "Oh my god, I want to die!!!" But birth was terrifying for me.

I had 20 hours of labour and then an emergency c-section. But to tell you the truth I was delighted to not give birth naturally! Both forms of child birth are traumatic for the mind (forgetting the physical body for a minute).

Everyone always have things to say like "sure it's the most natural thing in the world", "Most women go through it", etc. That does not settle you! Even a midwife telling you every second week, everything is ok doesn't settle you. Unfortunately you can drive yourself mad thinking about it, but it all really means nothing because if you get pregnant and decide to have the baby it is going to happen and you will never know your true feelings until you are in that situation.:)

I hope this helps. I was the exact same. And I still am terrifed of it, with a child here:rolleyes: God I'm daft!

Moonbeam

Having a fear of needles won't affect a normal birth:)
I was sick for 9 months and had a natural birth,yes it is a bit scary,horribly painful but you forget about it a few days later:)
If you go through one of the midwive led units you might find it easier as you do not have to deal with doctors and most of the nurses will have been through child birth themselves.

LegacyUser

Man here(!)

I don't know anything about pregnancy but can I just say OP, that reading your post, your fear seems to revolve less around the prospect of pregnancy itself and more so the associated medicine, doctors, hospitals etc that goes with it.

As you get older, you will have to go to the doctor more, you will get prodded, poked and checked up and may even have to go under the knife. To the best of my knowlege, a section is a fairly routine operation and the docs are well practiced at them. Has the thought that you may at some stage require a hip replacement or a liver transplant occured to you?

Even if you never ever have kids hospital and doctor visits will be on the cards. It is unavoidable. So to think that these will be eliminated from your life by never having kids is a little bit naive.

So if you do want to have kids I would suggest you address this fear, first and foremost.. It would probably do you good anyway.