Trust

mobileblog

Is it easy to overcome the “once bitten twice shy” statement.

Can you trust one, when you've been stung.
I'll post my story tomorrow - but i'm still thinking on my answer.
Is the easy way to never trust until years in?

mobileblog

Trust

Is it easy to overcome the “once bitten twice shy” statement.
I was going out with a guy a while ago and there was a suitcase attached which i understood. He had come out to his wife a few years before, they separated but had 2 children who where aged 9 (girl) 15 (boy). He hadn’t come out to his children at that stage.

The kids split the times between the parents, but would rarely stay over. I was never present, which was fine with me. He had moved out to a flat in the city while his kids and wife lived at the family home, but he still participated in the activities etc football drama.

I used to visit every other day, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday Nights. After the first couple of nights we went to “second base” and somehow he managed to put me in a clinic. I sat there listening to Christina Aguilera’s - Dirrty in a NHS Clinic surrounded by teenagers thinking how can i be here. He’s mature, he has a good job, God he’s got kids. Turned out i had a STD.

I went back and informed him of this. i was 100% i was clean before him, turned out that they found it in his throat. He apologised and we stayed together and went through the antibiotics and got to the other side, but as time went on i began to think. Now this may be my downfall, but i kept noticing that the spare room had different sheets, his own bed had different or clean sheets too. We’d shower after each night and then after in the morning.. But something wasn’t feeling right. There was no evidence, but i felt that something else was going on. I was bitten once and couldn't trust him so i walked out.

Looking back i’ve mixed feelings about it, but now i’m possibly entering a new relationship, i don’t want to come out and ask him to get tested, i’ll happily do it, but how can one say without bringing up the past.

At what point dose Trust come into a relationship, And is there benefit of the doubt?

swirlser

Well, theres certainly no easy answer to your question. The live and learn policy is even tested here... I think on this matter your still learning til the day you die.

I can see where you are coming from after your story. Its fairly clear what was going on in that situation, the fact you got an STD and carried on with him Im a little confused about. Im assuming he came out with a - well there was this 1 guy before you .... and /shock'n'sorry

As to your question and what you should do now... Well you cant lose all faith in people. Having said that, its an understandable request that if the 2 of you are getting into a more serious relationship that you want both of you to get tested. Its no harm anyway and shouldnt cause offence since its in both your interests to know. It will provide peace of mind and obviously in a few months time should one of you develop some condition you'll know someones been a naughty boy :O

Dwn Wth Vwls

I think you absolutely should talk about being tested. If you want to have a mature adult relationship, raising the subject of STIs before you get intimate should be a routine occurrence. If someone gets upset or insulted about that, then you're probably not going to get on that well with them anyway.

Lots of people don't fully understand the various STIs or how they can be transmitted. Lots of people mean to get tested but never get around to it. Lots of STIs can be dormant without showing symptoms and people presume that means they're okay. You don't have to raise it as a trust issue or tell them this story about why you're worried. It's just good sense.

Bottle_of_Smoke

mobileblog wrote: »

Trust



Looking back i’ve mixed feelings about it, but now i’m possibly entering a new relationship, i don’t want to come out and ask him to get tested, i’ll happily do it, but how can one say without bringing up the past.

At what point dose Trust come into a relationship, And is there benefit of the doubt?

Can't understand this, you were fortunate enough to catch an sti that could be cured with anti-biotics yet in future you're just going to trust people?

Make no mistake, HIV/Hepatitis transmission level is highest amongst men having sex with men, I don't care about PC bull, there's numerous worldwide statistics to back this up, there's no bigotry here, its literally a statement of fact. Do you really want to be stuck with the stigma of HIV?

Cop the f*ck on and insist your partners get tested

mobileblog

I don't want to unleash your bottle of smoke and blow it up your ass but i got it from a blowjob.
I'd never go bareback, not sure if i should put that in my profile.

Thanks to the the pervious posters

swirlser

I think youve been a little too hard on yourself from your past experiences and its just causing you to stress. For the record, from what you did explain of that previous relationship, you made the right decision.

You dont need to go into the gory details as to why you want ur new partner to be tested, its an understandable request and its just peace of mind for all involved.

Anyway, best of luck to you

Tricity Bendix

mobileblog wrote: »

I don't want to unleash your bottle of smoke and blow it up your ass but i got it from a blowjob.
I'd never go bareback, not sure if i should put that in my profile.

Thanks to the the pervious posters

HIV can be transmitted through oral sex.

L1011

Tricity Bendix wrote: »

HIV can be transmitted through oral sex.

Best available figures (US Centre for Disease Control) show a rate of 0.5 (insertive) to 1 (receptive) case per 10,000 cases of unprotected intercourse with an untreated infected partner; though.

I'd expect this figure comes from there having been one person insisting they never, ever had any other form of sex than oral when diagnosed when, in fact, they had. You would realistically need an open sore in your mouth for there to be any risk.

However, there are many other STIs you can easily get from oral sex.

Bottle_of_Smoke

mobileblog wrote: »

I don't want to unleash your bottle of smoke and blow it up your ass but i got it from a blowjob.
I'd never go bareback, not sure if i should put that in my profile.

Thanks to the the pervious posters

Condoms regularly break.

L1011

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Condoms regularly break.

I've actually never had one break, surprisingly. They have a failure rate but I've been told women are bloody useless at putting them on and they're often the ones that do it in hetero relationships...

Bottle_of_Smoke

MYOB wrote: »

I've actually never had one break, surprisingly. They have a failure rate but I've been told women are bloody useless at putting them on and they're often the ones that do it in hetero relationships...

Fair enough but they do for most people. Someone who knows how to put them on right might be terrible at it after a few drinks.

azezil

Just assume everyone you meet is infected until proven otherwise. Take the necessary precautions to protect yourself at all times.