Anger issues

LegacyUser

Hi
I'm about 22 years old and have alot of anger.
I was a FAS apprentice back when I was 16 and was bullied by everyone in my workplace. I was constantly told I was useless and stupid and after a while I believed it all.
I couldn't keep working in the trade because I truly thought I was, so I left it at about 18.
In my next job I was always getting a bollocking for not doing the job right, I always tried my best but it never ever seemed to meet the exacting standards of the people I worked for.
I know it wasn't them it was me, I found it very hard to concentrate on what I was doing. I stayed there for a while before leaving again, I just couldn't take the constant belittlment even if it was mostly my own fault.
Then there was my next job in which I lasted two weeks before being fired.
It still pisses me off, I was on time everyday and always did my job as best I could but it never seemed good enough for them.
Essentially the reason I was fired was because there was 4 of us carrying this big heavy thing, and I dropped my end when it slipped as we were putting it down.
The boss called me a retard etc and as we were heading back in the van with a different guy he gave me this big stupid ****ing speil about how everyone in the company works together and all this bull**** talking as if the people who worked there were the elite.
He always talked like this, but anyway thats beside the point.
On another note
I used to ride this little moped, slow pile of ****e if there ever was one.
Asshole boy racers would do this thing where they drove infront of me and slowed right down to nothing and wouldnt let me pass. I still feel like beating the **** out of them years on.
I still think about the way I was treated in all my old jobs and it makes my blood boil! I really wish I could just severely maim these people. In reality I'm a nice guy who wouldnt hurt a fly but when I think about all the name calling the ****ing gombeens who for some asshole reason thought and still probably think they're better than me. I'm really getting worked up writting this.
Now a few years have passed and I've had some great experiences in a job where I'm respected and told that I do a good job. I know I do.
But Im still left with these hang ups from before. Sometimes I cant sleep because of the rage I feel and nothing it seems can calm me.
Everything the bosses, the boy racers, the asshole co-workers and the ****ing elitist attitudes of people.
Im even still pissed off by people and teachers I went to school with.
I know I'm not the only person in the world to have been treated like **** so please tell me how does everyone else deal with the problem of serious rage towards people in the past?
Thank you

LegacyUser

It must be really difficult for you to feel the anger as fresh as when it all happened years ago. It's so easy to get wrapped up in part hurt and relive it over and over again.
You need to find a way to let go of the past. Have you even tried sitting down and writing as if you were talking to all these people giving them a piece of your mind and letting them know how wrong they were as you're clearly in a better environment now and doing a lot better for yourself. Just letting it all out, and then putting the writing away. It might give you some release.
Do you notice anything that is triggering these thoughts? Have you ever considered talking to a professional abouthow to deal with this and move on?

ellie1

I think you need to talk about it with a counsellor. The effects of this kind of thing can stay with us for a long time.

Its great to hear that you are doing so well in your job now.

Living a good life and being happy in yourself is always the best revenge