Getting Over It

LegacyUser

Hey all,

I was working abroad and in my last few months (Oz) I met a local girl and one thing led to another and we were seeing each other. I saw her for 3 months and then I had to go home, but those 3 months were the best of my life and I was so gutted to have to go home. Things got pretty serious during our time together (I know it wasnt long), even though we always knew I was going home. We did cut down on seeing each other a bit to try make things easier. We would still be with each other if I didnt have to go home, but because of work-constraints on both our parts, I couldnt stay out there and she cant move here for at least 1.5 years due to her contract. Because of this, we agreed to just be friends and keep in contact and maybe something could happen when/if she moves over (she planned on moving to the UK next year before she met me anyway).

Anyway, when I left we were both completely gutted, and regretted not making more of an effort while I was there. We were both in pretty bad states for a few weeks when I got back, but things were starting to get better.

But recently I just cant get her out of my mind. Ive been home 1.5 months now but I still have strong feelings for her. I think she's coping alot better than me moving on and has cut down a bit on texts/emails etc which probably helps, but Im starting to miss her. Im a very sociable person and love going out and chatting to people, but despite opportunities, Ive held back from hooking up and scoring with other girls since Ive been home because Im always thinking of this girl.

I know I need to get over it, because I know she will, but I just dont know how. I know nothing can happen between us now, but I dont want to completely cut contact with her because I want to keep her as a friend. We shared some amazing times together, and I dont think I could bring myself to forget about it all in vain if I cut contact altogether.

Im really confused about it all, and have been pretty down recently about it, so would appreciate any advice or experience of the same thing that can help me get over it.

Thanks

magneticimpulse

Hey Loveabroad,
Well its understandable. Its not easy to let go of someone that you spent an amazing time with. its just takes time to get out there, be with friends etc. Theres certainly no hurry and theres certainly no reason why you cant continue as friends. When the times right, you will meet someone equally great.

G-Money

Its tough alright.

My main advice is usually to never stay friends with an ex. It's often unreasonable and almost always unnecessary. You say you want to be friends and that's fair enough. Just make sure you are doing it for the right reasons: you want her in your life but you don't want to get back together with her.

I've been in your situation before where I've held off on doing stuff with other girls because I had one particular girl in my thoughts. And you know what? I always regretted it afterwards. What made it worse was that I knew she was out with other guys and doing stuff with them and not giving me a second thought.

If you and this girl are really over, then you need to stop thinking about her. I know that's not easy but you have to just fake it until you make it.

Go out with as many other girls as you can. Don't treat them badly or use them or anything, but don't live like a celibate monk. I'm betting she's kissed other guys at the very least and hasn't let the memory of you hold her back. So make sure you don't put your life on hold. I bet she's not.

Occupy your mind with anything and everything else. Get rid of anything that reminds you of her. There's no point prolonging the agony for no reason.

My own point of view is that once people break up, you shouldn't be expected to worship some shrine dedicated to them, with all the stuff that reminds you of them. If they wanted that, they never should have broken up in the first place.

I know some of this might seem harsh, but it has to be done. It's easy to pussyfoot around and sort of hope and wish that some romantic fairy princess will sprinkle her magic dust and bring you two back together again.

The reality is that you are not together. It sounds like it was a mutual and civil break-up which is good. But don't be afraid of telling her you need some time to yourself. If she's anyway reasonable, she will understand and leave you to it. If she's anyway selfish, she won't.

And next time you are in the situation where you meet a girl and are hesitating, just ask yourself is your ex girlfriend doing the same thing? I'd bet the house on the answer being a resounding NO.

All the best dude, stay strong and you will come out the other side.

magneticimpulse

yeah theres a lot of truth in this. but i dont think its necessary to jump in there immediately. from past experience, i made some hasty choices after breaking up. then ended up regretting that even more then the original relationship. i think once your happy in your own mind and in life you will meet someone else. in the meantime, i wouldnt just try to find a replacement, just cos the ex might have. who cares what shes doing. whether i kiss someone or not, like ya said i wont be thinking about an ex. but at the same time, im not going to settle for some dodgy/rebound relationship just for the sake of getting over someone else. if ya meet someone go for it, if not, just get out there with your friends, enjoy life. but dont feel forced to start something new when ya not ready

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice everyone. I think I just had a bad weekend last weekend thinking about it too much but feel a lot better now. Just takes a bit of time I suppose. Thanks again.