Problem With An Online Friend

Butterscotch

I am usually a private person who wouldn't mention her personal problems online but there is something that is bothering me latterly and would appreciate advice.

I met this girl online last year on a forum and she befriended me. We pm-ed each another and commented on each anothers’ blogs. It turned out we had a lot in common and are very alike. For the first time I felt I clicked with someone as I rarely do. Then suddenly during the Summer she stopped responding to my pm’s, blog comments and posts while she responded to other people. Therefore I got the feeling she was ignoring me which I don’t know why as we got on well. Giving she was just an online friend I just let it be, got on with my own life and didn’t bother reading her blogs and posts.

Then near September she pm-ed on the same forum asking me how I was and that we hadn’t chatted in ages. I was cold towards her at first but just put it behind me and we were back chatting again. We then emailed each another telling each another about interesting Psychology articles and other stuff. I sent her an email 3 weeks ago and haven’t heard back from her since. It is not only that but she again stopped replying to my posts and blog comments yet replying to other people thus repeating the ignoring process again.

We told each another personal stuff as she said she had mental health issues, depression and lacks motivation at times but that doesn’t give her the excuse to not reply to my emails, comments ect and she seems to be on that forum a lot so it is not like she doesn’t have the time.

I don’t see her as a bitch as she is very understanding, works in mental health and is genuine. I am all for liking someone for who they are as I want to be liked that way but I don’t like the way she emails me and then suddenly stops with no reason. It is like she is unstable and I am beginning to lose her trust and regret telling her certain things.

I feel I should maybe confront her and ask her why did she bother befriending me when she just stops replying to my posts and emails without a reason and I am getting tired of it. I don’t want to create evil tension between us and would like to keep her as a friend but I feel if I don’t do anything she will randomly email me as like nothing happened and she will be walking all over me. I can’t really let her get away with it. Or maybe just leave it but it is on my mind at times.

Thanks for the advice.

D rog

I think maybe you're over reacting a little here. I certainly don't contact all my friends and acquaintances equally or they me. We all let things slide sometimes.

Perhaps she was down and out of sorts, perhaps she was too busy to contact everyone a lot, perhaps she even forgot to respond. It could be any reason.
Saying that you can't let her 'get away with it' and 'walk all over you' seems a little OTT here, it doesn't really sound like she's done much to warrant this.

wolfric

You need to forget her to be honest. Friendships online tend to fade in and out seeing as they rely solely on the basis that you both remain online and you can't change that atmosphere. For example you can't invite her out for drinks with your friends or out to a movie or go on holidays together.

If someone starts ignoring you and acting oddly like she did, DO follow up but limit it to one or two messages. If you don't hear back from her then leave it be. For your own sanity and happiness, stay away from her. She appears to have moved onto that stage where you aren't quite "friends every day" but good acquaintances that don't mind talking every now and again. I wouldn't push it further. If she pops up again, either ignore her if it's easier or chat to her briefly and then stop.

Butterscotch

D rog wrote: »

I think maybe you're over reacting a little here. I certainly don't contact all my friends and acquaintances equally or they me. We all let things slide sometimes.

Perhaps she was down and out of sorts, perhaps she was too busy to contact everyone a lot, perhaps she even forgot to respond. It could be any reason.

Lol yeah maybe I am and I am not the obsessive type at all, I have very few friends and tend to reply back to people later on as I am lazy. I think I am overreacting because I read my friend's LJ comments and they give out about people not staying in contact with them so maybe it is rubbing of me. I had many friends and online friends who I have lost contact with and don't care because it happens as that is life. I just feel I bonded with this girl and I do question "well is she ignoring me?", "or is it just my head." You are right maybe I am just losing it, I need a wake up call. Perhaps needed someone to tell me I am losing it.

Saying that you can't let her 'get away with it' and 'walk all over you' seems a little OTT here, it doesn't really sound like she's done much to warrant this.

Lol yeah I sound like a freaken obsessive freak, if she saw this, she would run a mile. I hope she doesn't see this. :P

For example you can't invite her out for drinks with your friends or out to a movie or go on holidays together.

You see yeah that could happen. I think she lives in Swords which is only a ten minutes drive from where I live and she drinks often in a pub where I go to sometimes, so they could be chance we could bump into each another. I say that would be abit awkward and maybe exciting all the same.

If someone starts ignoring you and acting oddly like she did, DO follow up but limit it to one or two messages. If you don't hear back from her then leave it be. For your own sanity and happiness, stay away from her. She appears to have moved onto that stage where you aren't quite "friends every day" but good acquaintances that don't mind talking every now and again. I wouldn't push it further. If she pops up again, either ignore her if it's easier or chat to her briefly and then stop.

I was thinking of messaging her asking was she ok and asking how she is but was thinking I would be abit forward. I am not usually like this but there is something about this person I can't let go so that was why I posted this thread. She maybe just sees me as an acquaintence and I saw the same with her but when we emailed each another alot, I thought things we going further and she backed away which can be understandable or maybe just simply she forget to reply. Yeah if she emailed me back I will take a step back and just chat to her friendly like. Keep the distance.:)

Thanks very much for the advice, it was very helpful.

thefeatheredcat

It could be anything... she may have changed and maybe just don't have the same interests to further engagement.

But maybe the friendship has run its course or needs to be transitioned from emails/ims to meeting up? Maybe it's time ye did?

If you've the gut feeling that something's amiss, send a message and just check if things are ok between ye and get reassurance on it.

Butterscotch

thefeatheredcat wrote: »

But maybe the friendship has run its course or needs to be transitioned from emails/ims to meeting up? Maybe it's time ye did?

Yeah funny you mention that as in the email I said that we should meet up sometime and she replied she would love that, it is something we have to do in the future. I just then said yeah sure we will meet up whenever you want to or whenever you are comfortable and I haven't heard from her since but yeah it could be anything.

f you've the gut feeling that something's amiss, send a message and just check if things are ok between ye and get reassurance on it.

I will give it until after Halloween and if I still haven't heard back from her then I will message her.

Thanks.