Body language indications

LegacyUser

Little bit of background.
There's this girl I've known for a long time.
Recently I've realised that I've fallen for her big time and I think that the feeling is mutual.
We shouldn't like each other, let's just say she's spoken for but it seems we do.

I'm interesed in body language, non-verbal communication, etc.
From what I know, recently whenever we meet all her body language indicates that she likes me.
However a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing.
It's easy for us to interpret things as we wish to interpret them.

We met recently, conversation was fluid, lots of laughter, smiling, eye contact etc.
Here's the body language, hopefully someone can give their thoughts.

Her legs were crossed with the top foot pointing directly at me.
After a while the top foot began pivoting up and down, sort of kicking from the ankle towards me.

She ran her fingers through her hair several times.

Several times she reached under the neck of her jumper and massaged her shoulder.

She took off her bracelet rubbed her wrist and put it back on.

She touched her nose a few times which was a bit confusing.
I've read it can indicate lying but this really didn't seem to fit.

Her jumper inadvertanly came up exposing an inch of her stomach.
She sub-conciously stroked her skin back and forth for a while before realising, stopping and pulling the jumper down.

It really felt that everything she was doing was screaming out that she liked me
but it's easy to over read these things I guess.

How much stock can be put into such gestures?

Is it possible that these gestures indicate that she likes me as a friend but has no sexual interest?

I'd be really grateful and interested to hear people's thoughts, thanks.

OxO-CuBe

Good question and I would also like some information on this. I am always mis-reading womens body language. Seems to me that they send mixed signals all the time...

Faith

question_asker wrote: »

How much stock can be put into such gestures?

I'd say very little. She just sounds like a fidgeter.

1. When your legs are crossed, your foot is always going to be pointed at someone. In fact, crossed arms and legs are often interpreted as defensive and uncomfortable body language.

2. Bouncing her foot - she was probably restless, or she was moving it to music.

3. Running her fingers through her hair is a very typical, and meaningless, thing for girls to do.

4. Massaging her shoulder probably means her shoulder was sore.

5. Taking off her bracelet and putting it back on may just have been fidgeting too.

6. Her nose was probably itchy, or she was dying to pick it.

7. Stroking her own skin might mean something, but tbh I'm constantly doing that myself without even realising it. It's just comforting.

You want to know if she likes you? Ask her straight out. But if she's spoken for, I think you should think twice before opening that can of worms.

dr.bollocko

How about instead of recording all the details of the subtle things her body might have done to indicate she likes you you just... ask her?

LegacyUser

Faith wrote: »

I'd say very little. She just sounds like a fidgeter.

1. When your legs are crossed, your foot is always going to be pointed at someone. In fact, crossed arms and legs are often interpreted as defensive and uncomfortable body language.

2. Bouncing her foot - she was probably restless, or she was moving it to music.

3. Running her fingers through her hair is a very typical, and meaningless, thing for girls to do.

4. Massaging her shoulder probably means her shoulder was sore.

5. Taking off her bracelet and putting it back on may just have been fidgeting too.

6. Her nose was probably itchy, or she was dying to pick it.

7. Stroking her own skin might mean something, but tbh I'm constantly doing that myself without even realising it. It's just comforting.

You want to know if she likes you? Ask her straight out. But if she's spoken for, I think you should think twice before opening that can of worms.

From what you say you seem to rubbish most of what I've read about body language.
She's not a fidgeter, she's very relaxed and I'm picking up these and similar signals whenever we meet.
A foot has to point somewhere as you say but I've noticed that it's pretty much always pointing at me.

Asking her straight isn't the issue here.
She's most probably say no regardless of what the true answer was.
It would probably lead to awkwardness and while I have desires I'd rather not pursue them for moral reasons.

I'm asking about body language and how reliable people think it is.
Obviously if the girl just ran her fingers through her hair it wouldn't be much to go on but it really seems like there are a multitude of indicators.
I only started reading about it recently and I may just be seeing what I want to see.
Do most people think it's all a load of rubbish?

LegacyUser

Unless she's touching you, I wouldn't read too much into it.

Seriously.

Sit on a train or in a bar and look around and see who's touching what parts of their bodies and what way their feet are pointed.... or if their arms are folded... they'll all be at it at some stage.

minidazzler

In fairness, I would agree that these signals together could indicate she is attracted to you.

But;
A) I would have to see them in the context of the situation to know.
She May be attracted to you, but that doesn't mean she is willing to act on it. Lots of women are attracted to other guys, even when in the confines of a relationship.

I do think Body language is a good test, but it's not exactly litmus.

My advice is to just ride it out and see if she makes a move rather than you trying anything.

LegacyUser

minidazzler wrote: »

In fairness, I would agree that these signals together could indicate she is attracted to you.

But;
A) I would have to see them in the context of the situation to know.
She May be attracted to you, but that doesn't mean she is willing to act on it. Lots of women are attracted to other guys, even when in the confines of a relationship.

I do think Body language is a good test, but it's not exactly litmus.

My advice is to just ride it out and see if she makes a move rather than you trying anything.

Thanks.
Like you say, I'd be surprised if she was willing to act on it.
And I wouldn't feel right doing anything unless she moved first.

I don't think I'm the sort to fool myself but it really seems like her body language is screaming that she likes me alot.
Initially I started getting a strong feeling that she like me by facial things, eye contact, etc.
I started reading up on body language and it all seemed to fit

TBH I've never really been aware of body language before and now that I've read a bit about it I find it fascinating.
The stuff I've read has been quite convincing but I guess I could see how people could regard it as nonsense.

Terodil

Like graphology, the analysis of body language has a certain following and while I wouldn't go as far as to call their proponents quacks, I would urge a certain caution. These schools of thought seem to offer easy solutions and have therefore been readily accepted by laymen 'psychologists' and blown out of all proportions.

Like all theories they need to be taken with a grain of salt and your best bet is to consider the other elements of communication together with them. Isolated, the signals lack the meaning that would turn them into information.

For example, it's stupid to say that touching your nose means that you're lying. Like Faith says, it could have numerous other causes. If the voice gets unsteady, the pupils are slightly widened, she takes just that slightly longer to answer, she touches her nose, and her words make no sense then yes she might be lying. But even then there's no security in such a statement.

Look, she was interested in you enough to be talking with you for an extended period of time. If you want to take it further you need to ask her. Conjecturing over minute details of her body language is going to take you nowhere.

mbren

I'm mad into reading body language as well Op and I think she has the hots for you.

One of the biggest hints is when girls start playing with their hair. That, and also the fact that she showed more skin. She went out of her way there to show you more.

If her legs are crossed towards you as well, is another sign. Next time your in a bright room with her, check if her pupils are dilated. If they are, she is attracted to you. I say check in a bright room because her eyes will be dilated to react to lack of light in a darker room.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

Thanks Terodil, I'd tend to agree with the points that you're making.

I found the foot pointing thing to sound ridiculous when I read about it.
Then I sort of put it to the test.
I'd leave the room and come back and sit somewhere else and 9 times out of 10 her foot was pointing directly at me.
Apparantly the foot points towards the object of desire but if it points towards the door then it indicates that the person wants out.

Stuff about crossed arms being a negative sound plausible.

Other stuff like the self-caressing and hair fixing all seem like they could be taken as positives but you couldn't rely too much on them.
Although it did seem that the hair fixing only occured after extended periods of eye-contact.

I'd like to be able to observe how she acts when talking to other people.
Men she's definitely not attracted to, etc, but that hasn't been possible.

LegacyUser

mbren wrote: »

One of the biggest hints is when girls start playing with their hair.
That, and also the fact that she showed more skin. She went out of her way there to show you more.

Well to be fair I'm not sure if she intentionally showed me more skin as you put it.

Faith

mbren wrote: »

One of the biggest hints is when girls start playing with their hair.

That's absolute rubbish to be honest. I play with my hair constantly. It's just a bad habit I have, like biting my nails. I'm not even aware that I'm doing it most of the time, and it certainly has nothing to do with sexual attraction to the people I'm with! Maybe if she was suggestively twirling a strand of hair, while sucking her finger and giggling, would I think it's a sign of attraction.

Boskowski

I wouldn't read anything into it. This body language thing is a sure way of getting yourself into trouble when you read too much into it. You either get signals or you don't. Reading too much into where's the foot pointing and stuff makes you look like a fool, seriously. There is much easier ways of finding out what someone thinks about you, it's also got to do with language...

What I get from this post is that you fancy a girl who isn't single and now you're looking for an excuse to make your move anyway.

LegacyUser

realcam wrote: »

What I get from this post is that you fancy a girl who isn't single and now you're looking for an excuse to make your move anyway.

Try reading it agin.

Curvy Vixen

question_asker wrote: »

Asking her straight isn't the issue here.
She's most probably say no regardless of what the true answer was.
It would probably lead to awkwardness and while I have desires I'd rather not pursue them for moral reasons.

I think that body language can say a whole lot more than a lot of people verbally say but I also think it needs to be read in context and in situ to get a 'real' idea of what's going on. It's hard to do that on-line as a third party.

However, given your comment above, can I ask why you seem so dogged about this? If you think that you would never act on it and she would never act on, why not concentrate on someone else where something may come to fruition?

LegacyUser

Curvy Vixen wrote: »

I think that body language can say a whole lot more than a lot of people verbally say but I also think it needs to be read in context and in situ to get a 'real' idea of what's going on. It's hard to do that on-line as a third party.

However, given your comment above, can I ask why you seem so dogged about this? If you think that you would never act on it and she would never act on, why not concentrate on someone else where something may come to fruition?

I don't think I do want to act on it.
If the person was available I would have acted by now, I don't think the signals could be better.

I guess I'm more interested in the body language from a detached perspective.
Having never really been aware of it before and having observed it closely in this situation I want to hear what other people think of it.

Some posters seem to put very little stock in it which is fair enough.

Alot of the time when men meet women, they are unsure if the woman is interested in them sexually or if the woman just likes them in a non-sexual way.
If all other indications are positive you'd imagine closely observing body language would allow you to differentiate between sexual and platonic interest.

txt_mess

I think you are readin to much in this but to explain your probably right she probably is flirting with you lots of people flirt unconsiously so i wouldn't assume that she wants a relationship but appreciate the fact that there is something she likes about you enough to trigger a reaction.

If you not acting on it I wouldn't be worried if you are seriously interested from a detached perspective I would recommend looking in psychology as there are good evening courses around that could satisfy your curiousity to learn more about behaviour.

herya

Honestly I think your approach is far too mechanical.

Some people are fidgeters and like to touch themselves, some are very static. I am always cold, so I cross my legs and arms to feel warmer, does it make me hostile?

Those "rules" like touching your nose when lying or pointing your foot at the door are just rubbish. You can't point your foot to the back can you? If she keeps pointing her foot "at you" it's probably because she changes her position to face you which is only logical since you're having a conversation.

The only thing you can learn from this is that she likes you and feels comfortable enough with you to allow her fidgeting to show - but then she would be since she's your friend. She would probably control herself rigid at a job interview.

She may have hots for you all right but you won't know from these "signs". Unless she takes an ice cube out of her cocktail and starts massaging her cleavage, now that would be a sign all right

Mackleton

I dunno, as a girl I know that if I'm talking to a guy that I fancy I definitely do some of the things you've mentioned, top two being touching the skin of my neck or something, and rearranging my hair, to be honest I have no idea what prompts this and no idea what effect either is supposed to have on the guy, it just feels natural to me to do it. I don't intentionally do this but I do know when and why I'm doing it! It's quite odd behavior really but there you go. I also get a bit shy and find it difficult to make eye contact but that may be just me.

From what you've said it sounds to me like the girl is attracted to you but again, no indicator whatsoever as to whether she will act on it. I don't mean to sound unkind but you may just be an attention-giver on the side if you get me? She may have no intention at all of taking it anywhere with you but is enjoying your attention nonetheless. Believe me us girls are far quicker on the uptake with these things, so really if you think she likes you than she has long since figured out that you fancy her!

LegacyUser

Mackleton wrote: »

I dunno, as a girl I know that if I'm talking to a guy that I fancy I definitely do some of the things you've mentioned, top two being touching the skin of my neck or something, and rearranging my hair, to be honest I have no idea what prompts this and no idea what effect either is supposed to have on the guy, it just feels natural to me to do it. I don't intentionally do this but I do know when and why I'm doing it! It's quite odd behavior really but there you go. I also get a bit shy and find it difficult to make eye contact but that may be just me.

From what you've said it sounds to me like the girl is attracted to you but again, no indicator whatsoever as to whether she will act on it. I don't mean to sound unkind but you may just be an attention-giver on the side if you get me? She may have no intention at all of taking it anywhere with you but is enjoying your attention nonetheless. Believe me us girls are far quicker on the uptake with these things, so really if you think she likes you than she has long since figured out that you fancy her!

Great reply, very insightful, thanks.

mood

Faith wrote: »

That's absolute rubbish to be honest. I play with my hair constantly. It's just a bad habit I have, like biting my nails. I'm not even aware that I'm doing it most of the time, and it certainly has nothing to do with sexual attraction to the people I'm with!

I do this as well even when watching TV alone. Just a habit and means nothing. This girl is spoken for and as you said unlikely to act on feeling if she has any so just move on.

Elessar

Don't read anything into it. She is spoken for. Women "flirt" with body language like that all the time, especially women in relationships. She likes the attention. That's all it is. An ego boost for her. She probably knows you're picking up on these signals and that means she knows someone who wants her. It's all about the feeling. She just wants the attention. Watch her when she's speaking to other "good looking" guys, she'll be doing the same thing.

Forget and move on, and for your own sake, stop looking into it.

LegacyUser

Okay -

I think that you may be over analysing a wee bit but as you're discovering body language it's understandable. I've been there and I'm a girl.

I want to know how she acts around her bf and you. How does her body language change around him?

I don't think it's fair to say that she is doing this for attention. From the sounds of it she's being quite vague so I imagine - she does like you but she's trying to hide her feelings. We've all been there when you flirt for a lil attention but it tends to be more playful than what she is doing.

DigiGal

If it helps at all I'm a girl and I always fidget like mad if I have an intrest in a bloke. Especially pulling down my shirt, worried he will think I'm fat a self concious thing. I always point my foot at a guy I like too
But The hair and nose stuff I do all the time because I'm nervous