In Love with a Girl Who Doesnt know I exist :(

LegacyUser

I am madly in love with a girl and she doesnt even know I exist

Shes beautiful, stunning but way out my league. She lives in my estate and I look out my window waiting for her to turn onto the cul du sac coming home from college every day. Even just seeing her from my window creates a wave of intense feeling that I have never experienced before.
I suppose I'm a bit of a loner if I'm honest. I don't play or watch sport so dont have any male friends and don't know any girls so sometimes I do get lonely and this girl seems to be the closest thing I have to a girlfriend even if she doesnt know I exist. I've tried everything to come into contact with her randomly. I remember getting dressed up for a night out on Saturday and waiting for her to leave her house then following behind her to see what club she was going to that night but unfortunately she got a taxi around the corner.
Another time I called to the house and asked the parents if they needed someone to cut the grass or walk the dogs or anything in the hope they'd say yes and I would have a reason to go over but they dont.
I took a few photos of her when she was in the estate one time and showed them to people in my course to see if they knew her so they could tell me her hobbies etc. but no one did and I looked like a weirdo...and rightly so I suppose. I dont want to say im obsessed but shes all I think about it. Sometimes I just want to grab her and tell her how I feel, and believe me ive thought about it. Just running outside and saying ''i think about you all the time and want to be with you'' but of course common sense prevails. Sometimes I see her with a boyfriend who looks like a prick and I just want to hurt him physically. I know its horrible but I've considered many times to creeping up on him when hes leaving and attacking him but these thoughts pass quickly. I am getting VERY depressed over this, I need advice on how to either get over her or gain the courage to talk to her!
Thanks guys.

Sangre

You are madly in lust with her.

Start by saying hello or nodding to her anytime you see her. This isn't weird as you live on the same road.

Fysh

1) If you don't even know the girl, you're not in love with her. You're obsessed or infatuated, depending on how generous a description you want to give. This is not a particularly healthy position, particularly not if you're seriously thinking about asking her out.

2) If you don't socialise much and don't have other things to occupy your attention and time, what about you is supposed to interest her? A relationship relies on both people being happy - your description of your lifestyle doesn't make it sound like you'd have much to do once you somehow got together.

3) It sounds to me that a significant factor in your fixation with this girl is sheer boredom. Again, not a good start.

Having established this, I would suggest:

• if you don't already have any hobbies, take one up. If you do have one or more, set yourself a goal that you can work towards that will focus your mind. Sitting around staring at this girl out the window won't stop you thinking about her, but doing something you enjoy will.
• A group-based hobby would be a good idea (possibly a sport, but it doesn't have to be). The idea here is to get to know people with whom you share interests, as well as exploring something you enjoy.
• if you do want to get to know her, just say hello if the circumstance comes up. Don't try to engineer situations where you're both in the same place, it's not likely to work and may well come off as creepy. If/when you do talk to her be relaxed and casual.
• Most importantly, work on making your life interesting and enjoyable. If something happens with her, grand - but you shouldn't be depending on someone else's attention to be happy or feel good about yourself.

LegacyUser

Im not trying to fob off your feelings when i say this, but i found your whole post creepy........you are developing serious stalker tendencies (wanting to hurt her boyf?? wanting to shake her to tell her how you feel??!!)
It actually sent shivers down my spine. Get some hobbies and friends and sort yourself out, if you need to go talk to someone, guess what im trying to say in the nicest way is get a life

eviltwin

Its a crush. You can't fall in love with anyone you havent had any interaction with.

While keeping an eye out for someone is okay the rest of your post reads a bit strange to say the least. Following her in taxis, taking secret pics, the fleeting desire to hurt her boyfriend...

You seem to have become fixated on this girl for some reason. I think you need to tackle your lonliness issues head on instead of living your life through a fantasy thats never going to lead anywhere

Loopsie

the post actually scares me a lot. Taking her picture and showing it to your college friends?! are u telling them she is your girlfriend?!
For your own sake get some help and for her sake stay the hell away from her.

squonk

you should get some hobbies and get a bit of a life for yourself. You wound way too closeted away there. The main point here though is she's taken. She has a boyrfriend. Even if you were very outgoing and good with the ladies, that wouldn't mean you would get with this girl because she's already in a relationship.

Get out there and meet other people and other girls. There are a lot of other really nice ladies out there as you'll realise once you get to know them.

Because of the way you view this girl right now, even if it did happen that you and her started going out, I wouldn't have much hopes for the relationship to be honest because so much of this is in your mind.

I picked up from your post that when you were going out that time that you were following her and only going out because she was. That and your reaction to her boyfriend are a bit disturbing to be honest. Please relax and try to become more outgoing. Make new freinds. It'll all help.

cowzerp

lovelust wrote: »

Sometimes I see her with a boyfriend who looks like a prick and I just want to hurt him physically. I know its horrible but I've considered many times to creeping up on him when hes leaving and attacking him but these thoughts pass quickly. Thanks guys.

What exactly does a prick look like?

I'm assuming you don't mean he looks like an actual penis.

I'd recommend you get some counselling and also take up a hobby or 2

Oh The Humanity

Listen OP.

This is very unhealthy behaviour.

You are stalking this girl and allowing your fantasy/obsession to rule your actions.

Going to her house/following her on the street/taking her photograph without permission. These are invasive and unwelcome acts. This girl has a boyfriend. She has rights. She is a person with free will. You need to respect that and back off.

You are indeed obsessed. Your behaviour is not healthy. You need to stop what you are doing. You need to admit to someone you trust what is going on in your mind. I think you need professsional help too.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I think you have projected your lonely feelings into this girl to make you feel better about how hurt you are at being lonely.

It does sound like you have become addicted to thinking about her, if you liken this to any other form of addiction(drinking, eating, drugs, cutting, anorexia) where people use something to run away from their own feelings then it might make more sense to you, its also like you have to control something so you can feel in control of one area in your life because another is out of control.

Unfortunately you will have absolutely no chance with her if you continue to think about her as you are because your energy is one of control and wanting her for you,

You have a much better chance of being with the person you want by becoming a strong confident person, because there is nothing more attractive than a strong confident person, someone who loves themselves in a positive way,

Confront your loneliness and your own issues to attract a girl into your life, enjoy your own company before you do anything else.

All the best.

Loopsie

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

Listen OP.

This is very unhealthy behaviour.

You are stalking this girl and allowing your fantasy/obsession to rule your actions.

Going to her house/following her on the street/taking her photograph without permission. These are invasive and unwelcome acts. This girl has a boyfriend. She has rights. She is a person with free will. You need to respect that and back off.

You are indeed obsessed. Your behaviour is not healthy. You need to stop what you are doing. You need to admit to someone you trust what is going on in your mind. I think you need professsional help too.

+1, this is NOT normal behaviour

Xiney

If the contents of the OP are indeed truthful, please seek professional help.

Thread locked.