Why is he so nice?

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this. Ok, so I've known this guy for a few years but over the last year or so we've become best of friends and I mean best of best of friends. We come from very different backgrounds but I feel like whenever we're together we always have fun and we can get through anything. He's such a relaxed and calming influence (and I'm pretty highly-strung and have a temper, to my detriment). A while ago, we hooked up one stupid stupid drunken drunken night then soon after I treated him really horribly in a way that he didn't deserve. He stopped talking to me and I thought we weren't gonna be friends ever again, but later we met up and made up and it was the most relieved feeling ever!!

He takes care of me when I'm sick, he the only person I want to hold when I'm crying and the other night when I lost my cool (not at him!) and stormed off he came into my room and calmed me down and even made me laugh when I felt I could never smile again. He's always nice to everyone, but he just seems super-nice to me. He split up with his girlfriend not so long ago (not because of me!) and I'm pretty sure he doesn't see me in a romantic light or is looking for a relationship, I don't think I see him that way either.

So it doesn't make sense. Why is he so nice? I can be a handful sometimes and there are plenty other of our mutual friends who would be much more deserving of his niceness. I'm not complaining! I'm just confused... I won't get to see him now for a week and I'm trying to figure it out while sober, because when he comes back, we will invariably end up slightly convivial.

Beetlebum

Read your post again.

That's got to be one of the stupidest 'issues' I've ever seen posted here.
Jesus.

He's your friend and he's sound. That wasn't too hard to crack was it..

LegacyUser

I really don't mean to be fatuous OP but such men are often referred to as 'emotional whores' or 'intellectual whores', according to The Ladder Theory, which is widely accepted as an online parody of human mating, albiet one with several rather large shreds of truth therein.

If you are unfamiliar with the above terms or what they mean, just Google them and all will be revealed.

_blank_

He fancies you, you fancy him.

RossFixxxed

Because he's your friend and he's a nice person?

Elbi

Beetlebum wrote: »

Read your post again.

That's got to be one of the stupidest 'issues' I've ever seen posted here.
Jesus.

He's your friend and he's sound. That wasn't too hard to crack was it..

Thats very rude of you!

Oh The Humanity

Beetlebum wrote: »

Read your post again.

That's got to be one of the stupidest 'issues' I've ever seen posted here.
Jesus.

He's your friend and he's sound. That wasn't too hard to crack was it..

+1,000,000

Sounds more like fishing for compliments to me.

Beetlebum

Elbi wrote: »

Thats very rude of you!

Ah, I didn't mean to be rude, I'm in a cranky mood and so called issues like this one just annoy me.

Wibbs

Elbi wrote: »

Thats very rude of you!

Yes it is. Beetlebum if you have an issue with a post report it. If a thread here annoys you then simply dont post on it. It's not helpful. No one would survive for long if a microscope was put on their own lives and issues.

SomeDude

He's being nice because he fancies you, it's as simple as that. Sure there is a 1% possibility that he really likes you only as a friend. Men generally don't make friends with girls for the sake of being friends. The fact that he wouldn't talk to you just shows him up as fancying you......

Elbi

Beetlebum wrote: »

Ah, I didn't mean to be rude, I'm in a cranky mood and so called issues like this one just annoy me.

"so called issues"
Look Im not mean to you but each persons "issue" is there own even if it doesnt seem important or like a "real issue" to us.
People come on here needing advice and maybe a comment like yours might put them off posting,

Beruthiel

Des wrote: »

He fancies you, you fancy him.

Yup.
It couldn't be more obvious.

Mackleton

Des is right OP. IMO guys generally do not hang around mopping up tears and handling temper tantrums for the good of their health. You may not be physically attracted to this guy but your description of his actions has "smitten" written all over them. If you don't want to hurt this guy in the long run, it may be better to clarify now that you aren't interested in a relationship with him.

Wibbs

Yep Id tend to agree. I've women mates, but we're actual mates. We don't do the coupley things. Yes we support each other emotionally just as mates would, and we go out for a meals or beers at times, but there's defo a diff between friends and lovers and he sounds like he's more in the lovers camp. It's hard to define, but I'd have a fair idea if a woman mate of mine was drifting into it.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Wibbs wrote: »

Yep Id tend to agree. I've women mates, but we're actual mates. We don't do the coupley things. Yes we support each other emotionally just as mates would, and we go out for a meals or beers at times, but there's defo a diff between friends and lovers and he sounds like he's more in the lovers camp. It's hard to define, but I'd have a fair idea if a woman mate of mine was drifting into it.

Normally I'd agree but I think a little more info is required here. Yes, he's behaving like a mate who "secretly" fancies her. However, they had a one night stand, there was awkwardness and they made up. I think as that's out of their systems its possible he actually does just see her as a mate now. Would really need more details on the making up conversation.

isitstrange wrote:

I'm pretty sure he doesn't see me in a romantic light or is looking for a relationship, I don't think I see him that way either.

Well you do or you don't? "don't think" is a tad ambiguous

magneticimpulse

ive lots of guy friends like this. i mean i would never cry etc, only out for beers, holidays and stuff. but they are really nice guys and i have to say 1 or 2 has made a move when he found out his other mate fancied me. but generally if im not interested in a relationship with them i continue to be their friend. i might tone it down a bit. but its always nice to have them as a friend and id just ignore anything that would make it awkward. i wouldnt even discuss it with them. a guy friend told me about the ladder theory before and i wasnt sure if that was a hint that he liked me?? it since made me paranoid when i had boyfriends with lots of female friends.

if they happy to continue being friends, then your really lucky to have such a great friend. only problem is when i got involved in a relationship. in such cases i would definitely tone down the going to this guy friend or spending time. as it can make boyfriends uncomfortable.

Valmont

Unregisteredude wrote: »

I really don't mean to be fatuous OP but such men are often referred to as 'emotional whores' or 'intellectual whores', according to The Ladder Theory, which is widely accepted as an online parody of human mating, albiet one with several rather large shreds of truth therein.

If you are unfamiliar with the above terms or what they mean, just Google them and all will be revealed.

Sounds like complete horse**** to me.

OP, I can't speak for all men but I would imagine he likes you romantically otherwise he wouldn't be so "nice", as you put it.

Liam Byrne

isitstrange wrote: »

So it doesn't make sense. Why is he so nice?

I have to say that I despair at society and our expectations of same when people ask questions like this.

What's wrong with being nice ? I wish everyone was.

And if you read other posts and threads on here about guys being "too nice" and therefore somehow "ruling themselves out" as a romantic interest, you could argue that by being nice he was doing precisely that, therefore he didn't have any agenda.

Basically, it's nice to be sound and nice. It's not nice to be questioned as to whether there's an ulterior motive.

And as has been pointed out, ye've done the deed so (and he's seen your self-admitted reaction, and therefore knows that was a one-off) and he's still being nice, so if I were you I'd just accept that he's a nice guy and try to stop wrecking your own head.