Left out

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

Has anyone ever had the feeling that the're being frozen out from their best friend Thats how I feel now..

My best friend is barely ringing me anymore. I have tried texting and calling, the odd time she does reply or answer but it seems to be getting less and less. I haven't seen her in weeks and its like she doesn't even care. Its not like she is not seeing anyone she sees some other friends all the time.

I know I haven't done anything to offend and would hope we would have a good enough relationship that she could say it to me if I had.

I am just really upset at the mo cause I feel so left out and it doesn't even seem to bother her that we haven't spoke. Its not as if we are school kids, I am 26 :O I would confront her over it but she wont even answer me. I dont want to constantly be ringing or texting her, why should I if she is just ignoring me

Dont know what to do....

metaoblivia

If you've been ringing and texting and she hasn't been replying, I would stop ringing and texting and let her come to you. And mind you, she may not come to you. But you don't want to overkill the situation and come across as desperate. If the two of you do end up talking, ask her what's been going on. You can frame it as you've missed her company over the past few weeks and have wondered if something was wrong or if you did something to offend. If she doesn't want to discuss it, then back off.
In the mean time, maybe try to meet some new people and do things that you enjoy so that you're not constantly thinking about her.

LegacyUser

You know what you have to do. Stop calling and texting. I know it hurts. I was 'dumped' by a best friend that way a few years back. Of course she might just be trying to give things some distance as opposed to dumping but until you talk to her there's nothing you can do. As I've gotten older I try not to lean too much on friends, as female friends seem to change/flip of a sudden (I'm a girl myself!). But also remember not to blame yourself for someone else's choices.

cinnamon

OP I had the same problem as you. My best friend of many years, in fact she was my oldest friend and we were both early thirties at the time. Anyway she lived abroad and we only met up sporadically and emailed/phoned sporadically but we were still best friends. Anyway about 2 years ago I noticed when we did meet up, she seemed disinterested or would be a bit off with me or something.

So that Christmas she was home and we ALWAYS meet up. Before Christmas I tried contacting her many times but she either didnt reply to emails or just never returned calls. So I was expecting to see her over Christmas and I waited for her to contact me but she never did and it was the first time ever we didnt meet up over Christmas. I was going through a really hard time unrelated to this at the time and didnt have the emotional strength to confront her. I was so upset and hurt over it. I never did talk or see her again and that was 2 years ago. I realised that she phased me out of her life which was cruel but I am better off now as I realised she was horrible to me, over the years, only I didnt see it at the time.

Anyway OP I dont know if this helps you, but just to let you know some women do behave like this

LegacyUser

I had a similar experience with my absolute best friend. She has gone through stages in the past 5 or so years where she doesn't contact me, answer my calls/texts etc etc etc. It has gone on as long as 6 months of no contact, maybe even more. What I've done is back off and then try to contact her again after a few months.
What is behind it is depression in this case. When she is low she doesn't want to talk to me, when she is on the up she does. We've talked about it and at this stage I don't let it get to me. I have other friends and although I miss this one particular friend, I can get by without her. She just needs the space. I am there for her when she is feeling o.k.
If I was you, I"d back off for a while and in a few months try again.

LegacyUser

This happened to me aswell, my old best friend just stopped contacting me 3 years ago. First of all it was for a couple of months then i got a text off her and i called her back and she said she hadnt been in contact and that she had been busy because she had a new b/f and also she going out with some of her other mates so basicaly she had been leaving me out of her socil life. I mean getting a new b/f is fair enough but she was still going out with her mates and it wasnt as if i didnt know them in fact they wernt even close mates of hers just some people we had met in a club a few times. also the only reason she contacted me that day was because she had fallen out with them on a night out, this was a few weeks before my birthday and she said she would meet up with me then. Well guess what i never heard from her again and yea it hurt, especially as she was my closest friend, to just drop me like that for no reason was out of order i think. Although reading these other posts it seems quite common!
Probably because they just dont know what to say when they want to dump a mate as its not the same as dumping a b/f or g/f.

well the way i see it is that its their loss if they wanna dump a perfectly good mate for no apparent reason and dont waste your time trying to contact her. My old freind actually wants to get to know me again, she has tryed to add me to facebook a number of time and everytime i ignore her requests and she sent me a couple messages on there aswell which also got ignored lol why should i bother she made the choice not to know me anymore years ago and lifes far too short to waste your time with people like that! and im gonna stop writing now cause i think ive gone on abit too much lol.

LegacyUser

surprising how common this is. Same thing happened to me a few years back. My best friend from school "dumped" me when we went to college. I was really hurt at the time but I had enough distraction at college and soon made new friends, some of which are my best friends now 10 years on.

This girl made contact with me again a few years ago after someone close to her died. I left the past behind and became good friends with her again. Then about 3yrs ago she did the exact same thing again, she started phasing me out. I couldnt believe she was doing it again! Anyways I tried for a about 6 months, making plans - she would always cancel or turn up mad late for a night out, or just have one token drink and rush off again. I just gave up then cos I thought whats the point. Im a very loyal and good friend, I know that. Its her loss of the end of the day. I seen her out recently and she didnt even say hello to me.

I spent ages thinking, what have I done to her, did I insult her, did I say something without thinking - but no, its all her problem. I know I did nothing. She just didnt want to be my friend anymore and it does hurt like hell but you jsut have to move on and concentrate on your other friends.

Its like the other posters have said, some women just do this sort of thing. I dunno why, dont kill yourself over thinking it cos at the end of the day you know you're a good person and you did nothing wrong so dont beat yourself up over nothing.

tfak85

hi OP,
as move_on just said it is surprising just how common this is.. same thing happened to me about two years ago..

i had three great friends from school, i moved away for a while and kept in contact all the time, always made loads of time to see them when i came home on holidays etc.. then, i moved back to ireland about two and half years ago, met up with them regularly and not long after i came back i invited them round for dinner (was in my mums at the time), we had a brilliant night, a great laugh and the next day i text them just saying "hope you had as much fun as i"...never heard back from any of them. bumped into them every now and then and had polite water cooler chat but despite my best efforts i never found out what the story was with that..
it is so very hard to deal with, myself i felt completely lost, i had left my friends in another city and come to dublin and pretty much the only people i knew then left me..
it takes alot of time to move on from something like that but you just need to try and build on the other relationships that you have and understand that, as move_on said, it's her loss, her problem, not yours...

all the best.