Guy needs some advice...

im_invisible

Right girls, i need advice. There was a girl that was my best friend for 2 years, but in the last 6 months of that i kinda fell in love with her, and in the same 6 months we grew apart, havent talked to her in 5 years, 6 months ago i found her on facebook, sent her am email and tried to add her as a friend, but havnt heard back, its her 30th commin up, should i send her a happy birthday message, or just forget about her?
Probly should say that me fallin love with her and us fallin apart may not be directly linked, i was going thru a serious depression at that stage, 'didnt know my arse from my elbow' and she was probably gettin the worst of it

Zadkiel

im_invisible wrote: »

Right girls, i need advice. There was a girl that was my best friend for 2 years, but in the last 6 months of that i kinda fell in love with her, and in the same 6 months we grew apart, havent talked to her in 5 years, 6 months ago i found her on facebook, sent her am email and tried to add her as a friend, but havnt heard back, its her 30th commin up, should i send her a happy birthday message, or just forget about her?
Probly should say that me fallin love with her and us fallin apart may not be directly linked, i was going thru a serious depression at that stage, 'didnt know my arse from my elbow' and she was probably gettin the worst of it

I'd say leave it at that tbh, you tried to add her and didnt hear back. She may not be around at the moment and could add you when she gets back.
If not it wasn't meant to be so just chalk this up to experience.

I'm a dude by the way, but thats my 2 cents

messrs

id wait for her to contact you now, as you have made the effort, no harm in leaving her a birthday message tho, but just a simple Happy Birthday, hope you have nice day, type of thing and see if she comes back to.

chuckles30

As a girl - I'd say leave it & don't do anything more. If she comes back & adds you as a friend on facebook then go ahead, but if not, then I'd say she's moved on. It's been a long time & her life has changed a lot. Personally I've ignored friend requests from people on facebook if I don't want to make contact with them again. Sending her a birthday message, while it might be well intentioned, could come across as being a bit stalker-like & freak her out.

Colonel_McCoy

Leave it off, she could be in a relationship\engaged\married........ You could be in love with the person she was five years and she may now be a different person to that person you knew five years ago. Hope that makes sense

SheRa

If she ignored your friends request Id leave it. That speaks volumes to be honest.

im_invisible

OP here, yeah that was my thoughts, should just leave it be. there was a time when i couldnt imagine my life without her in it, now i kinda cant think what it would be like to have her back in my life, i know shes probably changed, but i know (or hope) i have as well...

also i was drunk writing that last nite(EDIT 6;06 in the morning??) had a feeling it'd get mooved to PI:o

fxmx

How will you leave her a message if she has added you, i take it you mean leave the message on facebook??

Id say leave it tbh if she doesnt want to help you build a bridge for your friendship.

LegacyUser

OP here, got drunk and sent this to her facebook acc. didnt send friend request this time..

so, did the fact that you knew i was depressed, have any bearing on our relationship, i mean if i had told no-one,would i have been told to cop-the-****-on, and stop drinking so much, or whatever,,, i have no clue where im going with this, all i know is i thought of you on your 25th birthday, and on your 30th, and countless times since, since whenever... i dont want to be your friend on facebook, i dont want to see your status updates, i just want to know that you're doing ok...

Cheap Thrills!

invisible OP wrote: »

OP here, got drunk and sent this to her facebook acc. didnt send friend request this time..

so, did the fact that you knew i was depressed, have any bearing on our relationship, i mean if i had told no-one,would i have been told to cop-the-****-on, and stop drinking so much, or whatever,,, i have no clue where im going with this, all i know is i thought of you on your 25th birthday, and on your 30th, and countless times since, since whenever... i dont want to be your friend on facebook, i dont want to see your status updates, i just want to know that you're doing ok...

Oh my God OP. What did you do that for?

She ignored your friend request 6 months ago. What do you think that means?

What it means is she does NOT want to hear from you.

5 years ago you 'fell in love with her' (while depressed) and the two of you 'drifted apart' and that these two things may not be directly linked! Come on, more than likely they are linked. I think you might have totally creeped the girl out and she phased you out for that reason. Don't you think so?

And now to top it all off you've sent her an email telling her

all i know is i thought of you on your 25th birthday, and on your 30th, and countless times since, since whenever...

That comes accross stalker-ish and obsessive. Can't you see that? It's more than 5 years since you saw her and you are still thinking about her.....that is not healthy.

Has your life not progressed since then? It's frightening to think that you are still thinking so often about someone you knew so long ago.

Rocky_Dennis

OP, that was a stupid thing to do, i think the underlying issue here is DRINK, u mentioned drinking in some form or other in all ur posts, u messaged here when u were drunk, u mentioned in the message u sent to her, were u drinking too much. U also mentioned depression and the last thing some1 with the depression should be doing is drinking. Drink is a depressant. This is just my opinion and i know i have veered away from the initial subject but i think u should concentrate on yourself and forget about this girl. She has moved on and doesnt want any contact with you, its time to face the music and realise this.

ldxo15wus6fpgm

Andrewh1984 wrote: »

OP, that was a stupid thing to do, i think the underlying issue here is DRINK, u mentioned drinking in some form or other in all ur posts, u messaged here when u were drunk, u mentioned in the message u sent to her, were u drinking too much. U also mentioned depression and the last thing some1 with the depression should be doing is drinking. Drink is a depressant. This is just my opinion and i know i have veered away from the initial subject but i think u should concentrate on yourself and forget about this girl. She has moved on and doesnt want any contact with you, its time to face the music and realise this.

Not in the sense most people think it is. It does not make you depressed. It is called a depressant because it affects the functions of parts of your body.

It seems you have, in your mind, associated this person with alcohol. Did you resort to drinking heavily during the time you two drifted apart/you began to fall for her?

I'd try to cut back a little on the drink and move on. If you find you can't cut back on your drinking (find yourself saying "ah sure it's only one more" time and time again) then it's time to throw in the towel and call in to an AA meeting. If you successfully cut down on your drinking then you're fine, just move on and try and find someone else.

It's been 5 years, for all you know she's married with kids and is a completely different person to the one you knew.

LegacyUser

OP here again, right so,drink has a lot got to do with it,but only in so far as i am depressed, and can only seem to communicate my feelings, or interact with other people in any meaningful way, when i have a few inside me,

my second post, "...i know shes probably changed, but i know (or hope) i have as well" summed up my thoughts, but it looks like i havnt changed that much...

and my next post , well everyone i was friends with, and people i was working with at that time, kinda knew my situation "if i had told no-one,would i have been told to cop-the-****-on" the people im working with for the last 2 years, didnt know what my story was for he first year, now that they know, it seems that im being let, pretty much, do my own thing, and wallow in depression, whereas if they hadnt been told, they'd know there was something wrong with me, but nothing a kick up the arse wouldnt fix... "cop-the-****-on, and stop drinking so much..."

ok, so when i said "i dont want to be your friend on facebook, i dont want to see your status updates, i just want to know that you're doing ok..." i pretty much meant, i dont want you to be my friend, see my updates, and know that im still not right...

(this thread has been in 'tLL'. 'PI', 'RI', i can see it moving to the 'Long Term Illness' lets all be depressed together thread)

also,
"5 years ago you 'fell in love with her' (while depressed) and the two of you 'drifted apart' and that these two things may not be directly linked! Come on!...That comes accross stalker-ish and obsessive"

ok, have you ever had a best friend, who you could say you loved, and then gone into a total paranoid-depressed-anxiety, not knowing what was what at all, not knowing what feelings were real, or were you just falling in love with this girl, because you thought she was in love with you, or you thought she was falling for you, because she saw the way you loved her, and because of your anxiety/depression, and the paranoia, you couldnt act on any of these feelings, couldnt ask the simplest question, or give the simplist response, nevermind actually standing up and telling her how you felt, because you didnt really know, didnt know if any of these feelings, emotions had any basis in reality, or were just the product of your depressed/anxious/paranoid/obsessive/compulsive mind?