Partner travelling

LegacyUser

My partner has gone travelling for 10 weeks, somewhere where there's sh*t internet connection. There's another 9 weeks until he comes home. I am trying to be positive and happy for him because it's something that he's always wanted to do, but I am so fcuking lonely and am missing him desperately. I have cried my eyes out for the past 10 days. I feel so terrible and I just don't know how I'm going to get through this next 9 weeks. I've so many things planned for the weekends etc, but it's the weeknights that are killing me. On top of it, him being away is making me so stressed out that I can't relax and sleep properly at night and I am so tired so I have no energy for the gym etc which is obviously making things worse. What is making things even worse is that my head is going all over the shop...how could he leave me for 10 weeks if he really loved me, does he miss me as much as I miss him, does he love me as much as I love him? He says he misses me and loves me, but I'm trying to make light of the whole thing on the phone because I don't want him to be sad about me being a total mess. I know that in light of other problems on here, this is extremely minor, and that if he was in the army or something, he'd be off for 6 months at a time, but I'm in ribbons. Just needed to get it out. Thanks for reading.

Piglet85

You poor thing, you sound like you're in bits!

But look, in all honesty, you shouldn't be. I know how hard it is being apart from someone you love with limited contact, particularly if you're used to being in each others pockets all the time. But you CAN get through this, and it's up to you to ensure that you do.

It's great that you've got your weekends planned out, but try to keep busy on your weeknights too. Explain to your friends how you're feeling and maybe they'll make an effort to distract you a bit more during the week. That should help.

The most important thing, though, is your attitude. Why are you crying your eyes out every day? You haven't broken up, he hasn't died. All that's happening is you miss him. And of course that's allowed, but you have to be a bit strict with yourself and not let every day of the next nine weeks be like this. This time apart could make or break you, but it will certainly break you if you allow crazy thoughts about him not loving you because he's following his dreams to set in.

I really think enforced separation can be good for a relationship, horrible and all as it is at the time. It can make both parties appreciate each other more, because there's nothing like being without the one you love to make you appreciate why you love them. However, you can't let it take over your life. Force yourself to be strong. Nine weeks WILL fly by, but if you insist on obsessing over every second of it, it could drag.

Stop asking yourself if he misses you as much as you miss him, or if he still loves you. To be honest, (and I really don't want to hurt you saying this but I think you need to understand it), he probably doesn't miss you as much as you miss him, because it is always harder for the person stuck at home in these situations. BUT, that doesn't mean that he doesn't miss you, just that he has more distractions, and you need to create more distractions for yourself too.

Look, if he stayed at home purely because of you, you'd be holding him back, and that's not the sign of a healthy relationship. On top of that, he might even have started resenting you for it. So be glad that he's doing what he needs to do to fulfil himself, and don't take it as a personal insult. It has nothing to do with whether he loves you or not, and there's no reason why your relationship can't be just as strong - or even stronger - in nine short weeks. If you let yourself wallow - and I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, I promise I DO know it's not easy, but it's important - that may show when he returns. Don't tell him that you've been questioning his love for you etc., because it's not fair. That's purely about your own insecurity. If you trust him - and I presume you do as you're in a relationhip with him - trust that he will come back to you soon and that he loves you. Don't let negative thoughts creep in.

Good luck!

LegacyUser

Thank you Piglet.

That was the kick up the arse I needed. You're right, it's the wallowing that is not helping me. I encouraged him to go because it's something he's wanted to do for years and because I love him so much (vomit) I want him to have his dreams come true. Right, so now to planning my weeknights, distracting myself and copping myself on. Thank you for taking the time out to write all that. It really helped.
xx

cafecolour

Occupy yourself. You're used to him being your primary time consumption, you need to fill it.

First off, drag yourself to the gym. Tonight. No excuses, I don't care how tired you are. If you get yourself on the treadmill, since if you don't, you'll fall off.

Look into some short courses - you could do a yoga class, a language class, or even some evening volunteering.

Also very good - TV shows on DVD. Serial dramas especially. Go rent the first season of Mad Men/The Wire/Desperate Housewives/Lost or whatever is your style. Have friends over in the eve to watch them if possible, but if not, just start watching them yourself. They are very good for making hours pass and forgetting reality - you'll find yourself passed out on the couch in no time.

Piglet85

No Problem, glad I could help

It sounds like you have a strong relationship so try not to worry. I've been in a similar situation (only for six weeks instead of 10) and I know it can be hard to stay positive all the time, but you owe it to yourself and your relationship to do your best. Sounds like you were supportive of him going (and well done you for that), so just keep reminding yourself why you felt he should go, and then pat yourself on the back for being a good girlfriend!

thefeatheredcat

I agree with all the advice given.

Make sure that there's something there for your partner to come back to, so stay strong.

Keep in mind all you have to look forward to when he gets back!

Keep yourself busy - try things you haven't done in a while or tackle a project in the house, get out and about. I don't think your partner would like to think you're sitting alone every night and would be happy you had a fulfilling time too.

LegacyUser

You have all been so incredibly nice, and I have to say that today I feel like a human again for the first time in 2 weeks. I've decided I'm allowed to miss him but not allowed to wallow. I've taken the advice given, went to see "Up" last night (gorgeous!!) with a girlfriend, ordered the first season of the West Wing from Amazon, along with a cartridge for my DS Lite that has 100 classic books on it. So figure, between that, life, and weight watchers, I will be sorted between here and Christmas, as well as toned and well-read!! Thank you all for taking the time out to write. It's really helped.

Piglet85

Good for you! Sounds like you've done a great job of imrpoving your attitude already, so keep it up and watch the time fly