Dont want to lose boyfriend over sex [Mod warning post #27]

LegacyUser

hey, ive been seein my boyfriend for nearly a year now. i love him and think he can be so cute at times but in the bedroom he just doesnt cut it as his penis is so small (think its 5inches) and i just cant get the satisfaction i used to always get off my other ex boyfriends. i know this is horrible but i started shaggin a gym instructor about a month ago i have no feelins for him emotionally its just sex and hes very well hung and knows how to please a women but i still feel bad. my boyfriends kind of a nerdy type which is what I go for but the gym instructor is so assertive and confident that he just makes me go wild but i cant see us going anywhere outside of sex. Im really wondering if its so bad that I see this gym instructor once a week simply to have good sex (i really need sex) and not tell my boyfriend?? I really love my boyfriend and dont want to lose him but at the same time i cant live a life without sex! opinions thanks x

LegacyUser

Well lets be mature about this.

You and your boyfriend are not a good 'fit'. If things are already so bad that you're seeing someone else JUST for sex then be realistic. Its unlikely to get much better. And you sound quite young. You should probably move on. You will both find people who 'fit' you better.

dudara

You may love your boyfriend, but you're clearly not in love with him.

Cop yourself on and sort yourself out.

Either be faithful to your boyfriend and learn how to have good sex together or break up with him.

Good sex is not all about penises you know. It's very immature of you to act in this manner.

shellyboo

dgggp wrote: »

hey, ive been seein my boyfriend for nearly a year now. i love him and think he can be so cute at times but in the bedroom he just doesnt cut it as his penis is so small (think its 5inches) and i just cant get the satisfaction i used to always get off my other ex boyfriends. i know this is horrible but i started shaggin a gym instructor about a month ago i have no feelins for him emotionally its just sex and hes very well hung and knows how to please a women but i still feel bad. my boyfriends kind of a nerdy type which is what I go for but the gym instructor is so assertive and confident that he just makes me go wild but i cant see us going anywhere outside of sex. Im really wondering if its so bad that I see this gym instructor once a week simply to have good sex (i really need sex) and not tell my boyfriend?? I really love my boyfriend and dont want to lose him but at the same time i cant live a life without sex! opinions thanks x

Well, first of all - 5 inches is perfectly normal. It's average-sized - as in, most men have a penis that's 5/6 inches. He's not underendowed in any way, shape or form.

Secondly, there's more to sex than penetration - if his penis is not doing it for you, there are other ways to climax and other ways to spice up your sex life. If you're focused on the bare minimum of in and out, sex will never be great, ever. There's so much more to sex than that.

Thirdly - of course it's not ok for you to cheat on your boyfriend. It's selfish and cruel, AND you haven't even given your bf a CHANCE to improve in bed. Did you even tell him you weren't satisfied? Did you try to work on your sex life? Did you encourage him and show him what works for you? No. Your solution to the problems in your relationship was to go fcuk a gym instructor. Very mature, well done. Nobody is going to condone what you're doing. Break up with your poor bf. He deserves far, far better than you.

LegacyUser

Hi,
Well 5 inches isn't crazy small and it can defo please a woman but if you prefer bigger and you are going somewhere else for sex than it's not fair on your boyfriend. You should move on and there are other nerdy guys who may be bigger and more controlling and would suit you better.
You may be better suited as friends. If the physical thing isn't there it will fail eventually in my opinion.
I do believe that when you love someone you can overlook certain shortcomings or that the person in your eyes seems beutiful just the way they are. nothing wrong with how you are feeling it's just your actions that are destructive. Dump your boyfriend and keep looking.

Wagon

dgggp wrote: »

I really love my boyfriend and dont want to lose him but at the same time i cant live a life without sex! opinions thanks x

Break up with him. 5 inches is normal but if you think that shagging a gym instructor behind your boyfriends back is acceptable because he's well hung then you clearly nothing but a shallow muppet and your boyfriend deserves a women who actually loves him. Some people should never be in a relationship because they just dont deserve someone. You are one of those people. Had to be said.

opinion guy

dgggp wrote: »

Im really wondering if its so bad that I see this gym instructor once a week simply to have good sex (i really need sex) and not tell my boyfriend??

Really ? Is that what you are wondering ? See I think actually you've spent a little while trying to convince yourself its ok to be a cheater and now your looking for an internet forum to tell you its ok.

ITS NOT OK TO CHEAT ON YOUR BOYFRIEND. GROW UP

Zaph

Wagon wrote: »

you clearly nothing but a shallow muppet

Infracted for personal abuse

fabbydabby

Im really wondering if its so bad that I see this gym instructor once a week simply to have good sex (i really need sex) and not tell my boyfriend??

Ask yourself if you think it would be really bad for HIM to start shagging a gym girl on the side for no other reason than because she had a bigger rack, slimmer waist and was generally better looking than you. Would you mind that?

SomeDude

fabbydabby wrote: »

Ask yourself if you think it would be really bad for HIM to start shagging a gym girl on the side for no other reason than because she had a bigger rack, slimmer waist and was generally better looking than you. Would you mind that?

Spot on! QED.

cafecolour

Is this for real? Maybe I'm getting cynical in my old age, but it sounds like a troll with a cuckolding fetish.

Zaph

cafecolour wrote: »

Is this for real? Maybe I'm getting cynical in my old age, but it sounds like a troll with a cuckolding fetish.

Off-topic posting can get you infracted or banned. If you have an issue with a post please use the report post button. See here for further clarification of the rules relating to posters you suspect of trolling.

Sephiroth_dude

How can you love him if your riding a gym instructor once a wk?do the poor lad a favour and break up with him for god sake.

LegacyUser

Finish it.

Too important an area of life for you not to be satisfied. 5" does seem small to me.

dudara

steve3 and Eun Given that you are relatively new posters, I will not give out infractions this time.

When posting in PI, posts are required to be helpful and on-topic. If you are unsure as to what is allowed, please take the time to read the forum charter. if you have further questions, then contact one of the mods directly, or raise a question in the Helpdesk forum.

dudara

petethebrick

Eh - if you're not happy with your boyfriend then move on. Unless you have an open relationship then what you're talking about is not ok and you know it

Don't come on here looking for people to tell you that it's ok to be a dirty cheating slut^^

kjl

Wow, no offense, but you are probably the most immature sounding woman I have ever heard. If you boyfriend can please you, the teach him how to. Don't run off with some gym instructor because you feel unsatisfied.

Go and break up with your boyfriend today, you do not deserve to be in a relationship with him.

I feel so sorry for the poor guy, he is now facing a cruel break up because you are, for lack of a better word, a b%^&h.

Miss Fluff

dgggp wrote: »

hey, ive been seein my boyfriend for nearly a year now. i love him and think he can be so cute at times but in the bedroom he just doesnt cut it as his penis is so small

So your boyfriend is "cute at times"? Andrex puppies are cute. The Tweenies are cute. Calling your boyfriend "cute" does not bode well for a fulfilling sexual relationship. He obviously doesn't do it for you and it is not fair to cheat on him and deprive him of being in a fulfilling loving relationship because you are too selfish to not want your cake and eat it. Do the decent thing and break up with him and then that will leave you free to ride rings around yourself with the gym guy.

Darthhoob

i must be lucky, i had a few relationships and ONS when younger and i only ever came across 1 5incher...the rest were at least 6. but you know what..that guy with 5 inches was no worse in bed than the rest. just because your fella has a smaller fella that is not a reason to cheat...not by a long shot. you could try improving your sex life with him...there is oh so much more to sex than just penetration...and it's your job too to help him please you..not just expect him to know. as someone said would you find it ok if he was to shag someone with a bigger chest??? or a smaller foofoo

judging by your post though it seems to be better to just split up with the poor guy...you cannot have your cake and eat it at the expense of others

xcarriex

Someone is going to get dumped, you only have 2 options,

You dump your BF and PLEASE dont tell him the reason, he will feel bad enough without known what you have been doing,

OR

You go and dump this guy, you make a promise to yourself to NEVER EVER treat another person with such dis-respect and you work on your sex-life, yeah it might seem a bit weird maybe embarrassing, but lets say you have a few drinks kinda make it seem easier, then experiment and find out what hits your spots and his, if you 'love' him this will be the easier option!

What your doing and saying now is the most selfish thing i have ever heard, you have made your bed, its time to have only one man lying in it!

G-Money

I have to admit, this is the most shallow thing I've read in a long time.

Let's get real here. You are cheating on your boyfriend and that's wrong. You've obviously come up with some completely absurd justification for it and now you are on here trying to get acceptance from people for what you are doing. I'm pretty sure you won't get it.

What's more worrying is that you seem to be ok with what you are doing and you don't sound like you are planning on stopping.

As others have said, imagine how you'd feel if the tables were turned. Imagine your boyfriend was cheating on you with a girl because she had a tighter p***y. I know that's crude, but to be honest, what you are doing is the female equivalent. There's no difference. Also I'm sure you might say you are ok with that or that you "somehow understand". But I wouldn't believe it. It would just be you trying to fool yourself into thinking you are ok with it, just to make your current behaviour more acceptable.

Anyway it's obvious you don't love your boyfriend. If I had to guess you probably love the attention he gives you, but that's all.

You should end it but for heaven sake don't tell him you are ending it because you want someone with a bigger d**k. It shouldn't be too hard, you are obviously good at hiding the truth.

Although to be honest, the ideal situation would be for your boyfriend to end things with you for some other reason.

I'm also curious as to how you just happened to stumble across someone who "fitted your needs". It makes me wonder did you cheat on your boyfriend with other guys until you found "the one".

Just end it with him, let him down easy, don't tell him you are breaking up with him as his d**k isn't big enough. Let him move on with his life and let him find someone who deserves his love and affection.

LegacyUser

grandmaster wrote: »

I have to admit, this is the most shallow thing I've read in a long time.

Let's get real here. You are cheating on your boyfriend and that's wrong. You've obviously come up with some completely absurd justification for it and now you are on here trying to get acceptance from people for what you are doing. I'm pretty sure you won't get it.

What's more worrying is that you seem to be ok with what you are doing and you don't sound like you are planning on stopping.

As others have said, imagine how you'd feel if the tables were turned. Imagine your boyfriend was cheating on you with a girl because she had a tighter p***y. I know that's crude, but to be honest, what you are doing is the female equivalent. There's no difference. Also I'm sure you might say you are ok with that or that you "somehow understand". But I wouldn't believe it. It would just be you trying to fool yourself into thinking you are ok with it, just to make your current behaviour more acceptable.

Anyway it's obvious you don't love your boyfriend. If I had to guess you probably love the attention he gives you, but that's all.

You should end it but for heaven sake don't tell him you are ending it because you want someone with a bigger d**k. It shouldn't be too hard, you are obviously good at hiding the truth.

Although to be honest, the ideal situation would be for your boyfriend to end things with you for some other reason.

I'm also curious as to how you just happened to stumble across someone who "fitted your needs". It makes me wonder did you cheat on your boyfriend with other guys until you found "the one".

Just end it with him, let him down easy, don't tell him you are breaking up with him as his d**k isn't big enough. Let him move on with his life and let him find someone who deserves his love and affection.

I dont want to lose him but i think ur right he doesnt deserve this. and i only cheated 1 or 2 other times wen i was drunk

LegacyUser

Well two times... that is a slightly different story.

I don't know much about it but I've heard that keigel exercises can tighten up the lady tunnel. You practice clenching the vagina and unclenching it.

But something tells me this isn't just a matter of dick size as a dick is always attached to a man and some men are sexier than others. Assuming you're young and don't have much baggage it might be better long term.

And try not to sleep with people when you're drunk!

greengiant09

you sound like such a dope it's actually unbelievable!!...i almost agree with other posters in that this could be a troll post but then there a lot of tarts out there.

LegacyUser

dggp wrote: »

I dont want to lose him but i think ur right he doesnt deserve this. and i only cheated 1 or 2 other times wen i was drunk

Ah, when you were drunk? Why didn't you say so the first time? That makes it all right so! Simple answer, only cheat on him when you are drunk, then everything will be hunky dory!

Methinks you want to grow up a bit more before getting involved in adult relationships.

Zaph

greengiant09 wrote: »

you sound like such a dope it's actually unbelievable!!...i almost agree with other posters in that this could be a troll post but then there a lot of tarts out there.

Infracted for personal abuse

Zaph

OK folks, I think it's about time a bit of cop-on was used on this thread. Out of 20-odd posts we've had four infractions for personal abuse and another two posters warned about their behaviour. If you can't post anything civil and useful in this thread, don't post. I'm not going to infract the next person I see posting abuse, I'll be banning them for a month, so don't say you haven't been warned.

Taltos

OP.

I think you owe your OH and yourself the following.

1. End it with him immediately. Tell him why - "I have cheated on you." Then please follow it up with "please get yourself checked for an STD, cause who knows..."

2. Spend some time alone - no bf's, no gym-maters, no drunken escapades and try to figure out how you could be so mean to someone that you say you care about. Until you figure this out you stand a good chance of repeating it.

3. Try the exercises mentioned above. Remember is an act of 2 halves - so you have 50% of the responsibility here. V easy to blame your bf - but as per the other posters here 5in is not tiny and does it for a lot.

4. There is nothing your BF can do about his length - but he can work on his techniques - so please do not destroy his confidence by saying "You too small weenie..." TBH - this is a bit of crap, yes size can matter - but only really mentally. For another person his 5ér could be ideal, clearly for you right now it is not.

Either way - he does not deserve to be with someone who clearly cares so much about him as to cheat on him and say it is all his fault as his penis is not the right size for their vagina.

Poor chap.

martdalto

Well you're not going to lose him over sex... I assume your title means the "bad" sex between the two of you? You're going to lose him over your cheating.

How would you feel if he found out about you cheating him? Because that's what you're doing CHEATING.. you can sugar coat it/explain it however you like, but it comes down to the fact that you are in a relationship and you are having sex with someone else.

This is all fine and dandy, if your boyfriend agrees to it... have you asked him? Have you asked him if he'd like to go out and find another girl to have sex with instead of you, because it's not "fitting" right?

Why are you still going out with him?

I think you like him as a friend, but don't want a sexual relationship with him.. if that's the case, end it, and try to remain friends (although I wouldn't bet on that if he finds out what you've been doing)

Actually, scrap that, you don't want him as a friend either. Friends don't betray each other like that.

I think you should end it. Leave him and don't remain in contact. Youwould only be patronising him by telling him you want to be "friends"... You're not his friend...

LegacyUser

SORRY BUT WITH ALL MY EX BOYFRIENDS I WAS FAITHFUL IM NOT SOME LITTLE TART AS SOME HAVE LABELLED ME.
The difference is with my other exs the sex was good and they were able to satisfy me. Do you know whats it like to have to lie there getting no pleasure while your OH pounds away and having to actually pretend? i love him but sometimes sexually i think hes pathetic. am not a bad person i just need to have a man to satisfy me sexually as well as mentally. What he doesnt find out about wont hurt him and he loves me so why should I hurt him like that over something as trivial as sex? I just feel that once a week and he never finds out and everything will be PERFECT. He says all the time im out of his league and hes so lucky to have me and i just feel it would CRUSH him if I broke up with him. Nearly all my friends cheat its very common the difference is im doing it out of neccessity and not for a quick thrill and i dont mean to hurt him but i just feel i have no choice

opinion guy

So the sex is bad so you think thats license to cheat? Because you are so important and you "need" it and other people cheat that makes it ok does it? And do you think you are the first person in history to have to fake it ? Ive news for you - we've all had crap partners at time. Even us guys fake it some times when its crap and boring. Wouldn't it be ironic if he thought the sex was crap too and was banging some other girl? How would that make you feel?

Did you talk to him about the sex between you before going banging the gym instructor ?

What he doesn't find out won't hurt him ? What if you get pregnant ? What if you get infected with something ? He'll find out then won't he ?

im doing it out of neccessity and not for a quick thrill

Err what ? Necessity ? Are you going to die if you don't cheat ? OF course its for a quick thrill. You even said it yourself - "something as trivial as sex"



Ur either very juvenile, very conceited or a troll. If you think this is all going to work out so "PERFECT" - why are you even here ? Why are you asking us this question ? IF you have all the answers already, what it is you are looking for us to advise you on ?

LegacyUser

dgggp wrote: »

i love him but sometimes sexually i think hes pathetic

Please dont subject your boyfriend to any more humiliation from you & leave him now. If you can make a comment like this one then it is quite obvious that you dont love him. I feel really sorry for him. I dont mean to be nasty but he is out of your league & not the other way round, based on what you have said about him.

Darthhoob

dgggp wrote: »

SORRY BUT WITH ALL MY EX BOYFRIENDS I WAS FAITHFUL IM NOT SOME LITTLE TART AS SOME HAVE LABELLED ME.
The difference is with my other exs the sex was good and they were able to satisfy me. Do you know whats it like to have to lie there getting no pleasure while your OH pounds away and having to actually pretend? i love him but sometimes sexually i think hes pathetic. am not a bad person i just need to have a man to satisfy me sexually as well as mentally. What he doesnt find out about wont hurt him and he loves me so why should I hurt him like that over something as trivial as sex? I just feel that once a week and he never finds out and everything will be PERFECT. He says all the time im out of his league and hes so lucky to have me and i just feel it would CRUSH him if I broke up with him. Nearly all my friends cheat its very common the difference is im doing it out of neccessity and not for a quick thrill and i dont mean to hurt him but i just feel i have no choice

Wow....leave him, he deserves MUCH MUCH better. if he knew about you cheating (and he will find out sooner or later) i very much doubt he will think you are out of his league...

and if you are laying there whilst he pounds away...no wonder the sex is crap....it takes two ya know

ellie1

i love him but sometimes sexually i think hes pathetic

I have to say I think your attitude is pathetic, disrespectful and very immature.

He says all the time im out of his league and hes so lucky to have me

He is out of your league and hopefully he will cop on to you sooner rather than later.

I can understand that you feel you are not being satisfied but there are other ways besides just the straight forward sex. And I think you are well aware of this. You havent looked at yourself and the effort that you are making.

You dont love this man and I wonder what you are getting out of it though I have my suspicions. I think you should end it with him.

Trying to come on here and justify your cheating because your boyfriend in your opinion has a small penis is shocking.

In fact you should actually go and speak to a professional because you come across to me as a shallow, cold , self centered, self obsessed nasty piece of work. I think you have serious issues. Forget about having sex with anybody, go sort your head out.

Ur either very juvenile, very conceited or a troll.

Starting to think its the latter simply because could anybody be that nasty.

G-Money

I'm beginning to think this might be a fake thread too.

If not, it also makes me wonder about your social circle if "Most of your friends cheat".

Sigh.

Wibbs

OK enough's enough. If anyone has an issue with a thread report it do not mention it on thread.

I'm sorry I'm handing out infractions as the forum charter states no troll calls, there's a separate sticky on the subject and there have been warnings on this thread(even the title was changed). I dunno how much more could be said.

krudler

dgggp wrote: »

SORRY BUT WITH ALL MY EX BOYFRIENDS I WAS FAITHFUL IM NOT SOME LITTLE TART AS SOME HAVE LABELLED ME.
The difference is with my other exs the sex was good and they were able to satisfy me. Do you know whats it like to have to lie there getting no pleasure while your OH pounds away and having to actually pretend? i love him but sometimes sexually i think hes pathetic. am not a bad person i just need to have a man to satisfy me sexually as well as mentally. What he doesnt find out about wont hurt him and he loves me so why should I hurt him like that over something as trivial as sex? I just feel that once a week and he never finds out and everything will be PERFECT. He says all the time im out of his league and hes so lucky to have me and i just feel it would CRUSH him if I broke up with him. Nearly all my friends cheat its very common the difference is im doing it out of neccessity and not for a quick thrill and i dont mean to hurt him but i just feel i have no choice

Maybe its not him thats small, maybe you're just huge down there

Either way its not an excuse to cheat on him

Wagon

dgggp wrote: »

SORRY BUT WITH ALL MY EX BOYFRIENDS I WAS FAITHFUL IM NOT SOME LITTLE TART AS SOME HAVE LABELLED ME.

Nah, you've sort of labelled yourself really with the rest of this post.

The difference is with my other exs the sex was good and they were able to satisfy me. Do you know whats it like to have to lie there getting no pleasure while your OH pounds away and having to actually pretend? i love him but sometimes sexually i think hes pathetic. am not a bad person i just need to have a man to satisfy me sexually as well as mentally.

Well then go and find one instead of lying to your boyfriend

What he doesnt find out about wont hurt him and he loves me so why should I hurt him like that over something as trivial as sex?

Sex is trivial for YOU. That much is obvious because you have no guilt shagging a gym instructor behind your boyfriens back. What makes it worse is that you know your boyfriend loves you.

I just feel that once a week and he never finds out and everything will be PERFECT.

Yeah...for you. And that's all that matters isn't it?

He says all the time im out of his league

Yeah, you are. He can do a lot better.

and hes so lucky to have me

I think he'd feel differently about that if he found out what you were playing at.

and i just feel it would CRUSH him if I broke up with him.

No, it would mean you won't have the emotional support you want from someone who loves you. And you don't want to lose that.

Nearly all my friends cheat its very common

yeah but that still doesn't make it acceptable.

the difference is im doing it out of neccessity and not for a quick thrill and i dont mean to hurt him but i just feel i have no choice

Me hole.

Simple fact is, you're only coming on here to justify your actions. That much is pretty obvious because it's clear that you haven't a clue how to be in a relationship. Or even know what a relationship is. I still think you should break up with your boyfriend and tell him everything so that way he'll get over you quick and won't be hurt too much (and then you won't feel guilty about hurting him) Give it a few weeks and he'll be releaved you're gone. Then you can do who you want and nobody will care.

Unfortunately, i can tell from your posts that you won't do that.

e04bf099

I think you should see a professional.

Before I just thought you were capricious and selfish. But in your last post you sound like a proper sociopath/narcisist.

At the very least your moral compass is seriously fukced and you are a very bad person!

Your behaviour may be common in your social circle, but trust the posters here, it is not common outside that social circle and your friends 90% (at least) of the sane population in this country would agree, me tinks.

fabbydabby

OP, I think a lot can be taken from the fact that every single person who submitted an opinion in this three page discussion thinks your behaviour in general, and treatment of a guy who devoted a year of his precious youth to you, is totally and utterly reprehensible.

I don't know how much more could be achieved by continuing this discussion, (you certainly don't seem to be garnering much support for your rather 'unique' approach to relationships) but please just bear in mind as you continue along this path, that thirty or so people with varying backgrounds from all over the country are disgusted with you.

Which equals case closed imo.

Zaph

opinion guy wrote: »

Ok so reread the op's posts again. Have tried giving them benefit of the doubt, but now I'm calling troll. They don't appear to have listened to anything everyone has said and its not even clear what exactly their issue is since they seem to be fairly happy with the status quo

Infracted. Exactly what part of "don't call other posters trolls" are you having a problem with?

Zaph

This thread has turned into a complete train wreck, so for everyone's sake I'm locking it.