Where to meet women

cruizer101

Ok kinda inspired by other thread which was closed, hope this one is ok I do mean for it to be more sensible.

So where to meet women, pubs and niteclubs I'm not great at and I think most agree is only good for one nite type stuff.
Plus people are always saying join clubs/groups and that to meet girls, my experience is generally that most clubs are mainly full of guys.

So looking for advice but also raising as discussion, where do you think are good places to meet girls to chat to as opposed to just approaching random girls on street or that.

StopNotWorking

I think most agree is only good for one nite type stuff.

, I'd never be one to assume that

cruizer101

StopNotWorking wrote: »

, I'd never be one to assume that

Ok yeah maybe I haven't got it quite right saying that, but I for one am terrible at approaching girls in bars, and many advice threads you read will say that pubs and clubs aren't the best places to meet girls.

Will

I don't see how meeting a girl in a club when both are usually drunk is in any way good. If all your after is a smooch or the chance of a quick ride, cool, maybe the best place but if you want anything more serious I would steer well clear of pubs and especially clubs.

OldGoat

Wonder if, when he mentioned Clubs in the op did he meant tennis clubs or sailing clubs or ballroom dancing clubs ect., rather then nightclubs? G

scanlas

Street, shopping centre, waiting room at doctor's, gym, sauna, pub, club, DVD shop, park, snooker hall, bowling alley, STD clinic, any random office you could stroll into without ID, swimming pool, circus, zoo, the dentist, the vet., the dole office.

My point is you can meet women anywhere?

Ask yourself when you see an attractive woman walking by you on the street why you don't talk to her? Who's rules are you living your life by, yours or someone else's.

cruizer101

Ah yeah I realise I have two different clubs in the post, I've edited for clarity.

Basically looking for advice/discussion on clubs/groups or activites where people would reckon there is good chance of being able to chat to girls.

LegacyUser

A knittigng club or some sort of female fashion club would have lots of women in it, try joining one of those.

OldGoat

togo wrote: »

A knittigng club or some sort of female fashion club would have lots of women in it, try joining one of those.

Don't knock it. Kent University, Canterbury had a knitting socity called 'Knit one, Pearl One, Drink one' and an avarage women to men ratio of 8:1.
The point is to meet people where they are relaxed and feel in control and are at a social event. At venues like that women are more likely to be responsive, helpful, courtious.

(For another thread someday, knitting is a Manly pastime, rugged and potentially lifesaving)

shellyboo

togo wrote: »

A knittigng club or some sort of female fashion club would have lots of women in it, try joining one of those.

A fair point... but women can smell a motive a mile away. If you're going to a knitting club JUST to meet women, they'll sense that and you won't get anywhere. Women don't like being preyed upon in situations they thought they were "safe".

So yeah... if you like knitting and fashion, off you go to the knitting and fashion clubs - but if you don't, it's a lost cause. Common interests are what's key.

Pacha

Funny thread.
Starts off discussing picking up women and ends up talking about knitting

The Corinthian

shellyboo wrote: »

A fair point... but women can smell a motive a mile away. If you're going to a knitting club JUST to meet women, they'll sense that and you won't get anywhere. Women don't like being preyed upon in situations they thought they were "safe".

Works both ways. I actually went to salsa lessons a few years ago because I actually wanted to learn how to salsa. What I found was there were ten women to each man, almost all in their thirties and the sound of their collective biological clocks was deafening. I was set upon within minutes of arriving. I didn't go back.

As to the OP, it depends upon your age mainly. Also, given you can meet a woman anywhere, in any walk of life, I would assume you are talking about a Target Rich Environment - where there are plenty of women looking to meet men for the same reasons (or close enough) as you. As you grow older, the landscape changes somewhat.

Nightclubs, bars and parties are obvious choices, but increasingly you get more 'practical' approaches such as speed dating and Internet dating sites. Additionally, special interest classes and groups, such as the salsa classes I mentioned, often seem to double up as potential dating events - although, as with the example of knitting classes, some include no ulterior agendas.

kaimera

OP,

boards beers.

It's not a terrible idea.

/thread

OldGoat

kaimera wrote: »

OP,

boards beers.

It's not a terrible idea.

/thread

FAIL. There are no wimminz on teh internetz. :P

Pacha

scanlas wrote: »

Street, shopping centre, waiting room at doctor's, gym, sauna, pub, club, DVD shop, park, snooker hall, bowling alley, STD clinic, any random office you could stroll into without ID, swimming pool, circus, zoo, the dentist, the vet., the dole office.

My point is you can meet women anywhere?

^^^ this

Roughly 50% of the population is feminine right, so whatever you do you're going to run into them at some point.
Basically most men are lacking in confidence, me included.
But when I'm feeling positive and good about myself I seem to meet women everywhere.

LD 50

scanlas wrote: »

Street, shopping centre, waiting room at doctor's, gym, sauna, pub, club, DVD shop, park, snooker hall, bowling alley, STD clinic, any random office you could stroll into without ID, swimming pool, circus, zoo, the dentist, the vet., the dole office.

My point is you can meet women anywhere?

Ask yourself when you see an attractive woman walking by you on the street why you don't talk to her? Who's rules are you living your life by, yours or someone else's.

Yes, but walking up to random women, and talking to them would be seem as bit weird don't you think. Especially if you ask them out.
Yeah ok, small talk while you're waiting in a queue is alright. Might even get a chance to ask her out if your chatting for long enough. But out on the street you're likely to get fobbed off.

scanlas

LD 50 wrote: »

Yes, but walking up to random women, and talking to them would be seem as bit weird don't you think. Especially if you ask them out.
Yeah ok, small talk while you're waiting in a queue is alright. Might even get a chance to ask her out if your chatting for long enough. But out on the street you're likely to get fobbed off.

Listen I know where your coming from, but do you actually think it's weird to want to meet attractive women. The only reason you think it's weird is because other people don't do it.


How many women have you actually chatted up on the street?


I have approached women in all sorts of scenarios as well as my friends and what we've found is that when you are confident, smile and expect her to be friendly back she usually is? If you are nervous and think it's weird she'll think it's weird. If you think it's normal and that belief is deep rooted she'll feel it's normal. I also approach women for other reasons, I was in Dundrum shopping centre with a female friend when a woman walked past into a lingerie shop, my female friend said I'd love to know where she got her leggings, so I followed her into the lingerie shop tapped her on the shoulder and asked her where she got her leggings ( she got them in New Look) and told my female friend. I can do that because I live life by my rules, I know it's not weird to find out where she got her leggings for my friend. Most people couldn't do that because they live by social conditioning rules not their own. They would think what I did is weird. I also know it's not weird to be attracted to women and to do something about it. Anyone who doesn't approach women in these situations is missing out on a really fulfilling feeling whether you are rejected or not. You are taking responsibility for your own life and thinking for yourself. That's where true self esteem comes from.

A friend of mine chatted up a girl in a sauna in front of other people and she loved it, you should have seen the smile on her face. It made her day. He got her number and shagged her two days later. Two happy people as a result of him acting through his own intentions.

Women are designed to follow a strong man's lead, if you firmly believe it's normal the woman will follow your lead and feel it's normal.

ironictoaster

LD 50 wrote: »

Yes, but walking up to random women, and talking to them would be seem as bit weird don't you think. Especially if you ask them out.
Yeah ok, small talk while you're waiting in a queue is alright. Might even get a chance to ask her out if your chatting for long enough. But out on the street you're likely to get fobbed off.

I agree, also balls are required, something I don't really have!

CDfm

Make friends with women and then you can date their friends:D

tbh

one of the lessons life has taught me is that if you like doing something, and you do it, and while doing it you meet a girl, then the chances are that you like doing the same things.

And if that thing you were doing is that thing we all like to do so much - best day ever.

shellyboo

CDfm wrote: »

Make friends with women and then you can date their friends:D

I know this is tongue-in-cheek, CD, but it niggles me in a niggly place. Why don't guys just want to make friends with girls anyway? Why this division, girls I'd like to date and girls that I'm friends with?

I think that if guys had an overall attitude of just spending time with people they like, as tbh says above, someone will come along who you click with on a physical and emotional level.

I also think that in this day and age of (relatively) quick and easy casual sex, there's no need for a lot of the games anymore. Sex can be sex and dating can be dating, with none of the pretence of one to get the other.

Ugh. I haven't finished my coffee yet. There's more in my head about this, I just can't get it out.

Pacha

shellyboo wrote: »

I also think that in this day and age of (relatively) quick and easy casual sex, there's no need for a lot of the games anymore. Sex can be sex and dating can be dating, with none of the pretence of one to get the other.

Sorry for the slight derail but I find the attitude of most of the women I've met in the last few years quite horrible.
They turn on the charm, chat me up, sleep with me, then disappear without a trace.
Obviously, men were generally accused of the same thing in the past but I never behaved like that and I find it incredibly rude and quite disturbing to be left like that.
It doesn't take much to send a text saying, 'sorry you're not my type' or whatever.

OldGoat

This would an interesting argument/discussion but it's not what the OP was asking. Feel free to start a new thread.
Back on topic Gentlemen & Guests.

CDfm

shellyboo wrote: »

I know this is tongue-in-cheek, CD, but it niggles me in a niggly place. Why don't guys just want to make friends with girls anyway? Why this division, girls I'd like to date and girls that I'm friends with?

I think that if guys had an overall attitude of just spending time with people they like, as tbh says above, someone will come along who you click with on a physical and emotional level.

I also think that in this day and age of (relatively) quick and easy casual sex, there's no need for a lot of the games anymore. Sex can be sex and dating can be dating, with none of the pretence of one to get the other.

Ugh. I haven't finished my coffee yet. There's more in my head about this, I just can't get it out.

It wasn't that tongue in cheek.

It springs from a comment my OH made cos I said something like why couldn't I meet someone like you before and she said that there lots of her friends are like her.

When I met my OH she was the type of person I would have liked as a friend.

the Halloween Beers is coming up shortly and thats a great idea.

yourdeadwright

ye i think the guy who was talking about being confident is spot on.Have any of you seen The Pick up Artist, the guy is unreal at picking up ladies and its all about confidence, i belive he has a brilliant book on how he does it,

CoachBoone

scanlas wrote: »

Listen I know where your coming from, but do you actually think it's weird to want to meet attractive women. The only reason you think it's weird is because other people don't do it.


How many women have you actually chatted up on the street?


I have approached women in all sorts of scenarios as well as my friends and what we've found is that when you are confident, smile and expect her to be friendly back she usually is? If you are nervous and think it's weird she'll think it's weird. If you think it's normal and that belief is deep rooted she'll feel it's normal. I also approach women for other reasons, I was in Dundrum shopping centre with a female friend when a woman walked past into a lingerie shop, my female friend said I'd love to know where she got her leggings, so I followed her into the lingerie shop tapped her on the shoulder and asked her where she got her leggings ( she got them in New Look) and told my female friend. I can do that because I live life by my rules, I know it's not weird to find out where she got her leggings for my friend. Most people couldn't do that because they live by social conditioning rules not their own. They would think what I did is weird. I also know it's not weird to be attracted to women and to do something about it. Anyone who doesn't approach women in these situations is missing out on a really fulfilling feeling whether you are rejected or not. You are taking responsibility for your own life and thinking for yourself. That's where true self esteem comes from.

A friend of mine chatted up a girl in a sauna in front of other people and she loved it, you should have seen the smile on her face. It made her day. He got her number and shagged her two days later. Two happy people as a result of him acting through his own intentions.

Women are designed to follow a strong man's lead, if you firmly believe it's normal the woman will follow your lead and feel it's normal.

Good post. I admire your confidence and how assured you are in all those situations and your outlook is one Id love to employ as frequently as you do.

I am quite confident, pretty happy in myself and would never shirk a conversation because of social awkwardness but for a lot of people when they are thrown out of their comfort zone the confidence drys up pretty quickly.

If I was having trouble meeting women Id make sure I was in situations where I was wholly comfortable before I went talking to strangers. Not because Im socially conditioned to do that but because Im much more likely to be relaxed, composed and coherant and not some rambling, stuttering mess talking to a stunner on the high street.

yourdeadwright wrote: »

ye i think the guy who was talking about being confident is spot on.Have any of you seen The Pick up Artist, the guy is unreal at picking up ladies and its all about confidence, i belive he has a brilliant book on how he does it,

Ive read the book, not because I wanted to know how to be Casanova but because the story seemed interesting. Mush of what is in the book is common sense anyway, but a lot of how it is applied is pretty murky and immoral.

Still pretty entertaining though.

scanlas

CoachBoone wrote: »

Good post. I admire your confidence and how assured you are in all those situations and your outlook is one Id love to employ as frequently as you do.

I am quite confident, pretty happy in myself and would never shirk a conversation because of social awkwardness but for a lot of people when they are thrown out of their comfort zone the confidence drys up pretty quickly.

If I was having trouble meeting women Id make sure I was in situations where I was wholly comfortable before I went talking to strangers. Not because Im socially conditioned to do that but because Im much more likely to be relaxed, composed and coherant and not some rambling, stuttering mess talking to a stunner on the high street.

Being out of your comfort zone is what gives you the confidence, your beliefs help you go through with it. The more you approach the less nervous you will become. I remember the first time I approached a couple of women sitting in a park a few years ago I was literally shaking and my voice was quivering ( the fact two of my friends were watching didn't help). The more you do that the less nervous you become. Pushing your comfort zone will give you the edge most guys won't have because it seems so scary. Embrace making a fool of yourself, it's a good thing, you become more confident, you realise it doesn't really matter, everyone's too busy worrying about themselves anyway. You will make a balls of chatting up wome during the day when you start, it's part of the process. Even then you feel amazing afterwards.

Start off small by just asking for the time or for directions and leave it at that. Keep building up until you are asking girls out.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vFUqcoeTvg&feature=PlayList&p=D742037264F84A79&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=14

lazygal

I can only go on my experience.
I met my guy when I was least expecting to meet someone and by all accounts, he wasn't expecting to meet anyone either. We met at a very casual barbecue and I didn't go there with the "gotta meet a guy" syndrome men seem to be afraid of. We got chatting because we are both crazy into politics, in fact our first converstation ended in a bit of a row before he finally asked for my number. So OP, find a real interest and get passionate about it because one of the most sexy things about my current love is that we always have the politics thing to chat about so we never run out of conversation. I can honestly say had he not been passionate about something I would not have been that interested in him...you just need to find something you are really excited about and then share that passion with someone else....trust me, there is nothing women like less than a guy with nothing to say for himself.
I hope this has been even a teeny bit helpful.:)

cruizer101

Thanks, couple of nice suggestions here to inspire me.

Scanlas, I gotta say I really envy what you can do, my probelm is that if I did just approach someone in the street, I would come across as weird, I need to build up my confidence in chatting to girls in easier situations before I would even start to think about doing that.

shellyboo wrote: »

I also think that in this day and age of (relatively) quick and easy casual sex

All I can say to this is, I wish, maybe for you and many others this is the case, but it is the complete opposite for me.

It really is just a case of lack of confidence, not helped by being small, and what I am looking for is situations where not as much confidence is needed so that I can practice and build up the confidence to be able to approach girls in any situation.

scanlas

cruizer101 wrote: »

Thanks, couple of nice suggestions here to inspire me.

Scanlas, I gotta say I really envy what you can do, my probelm is that if I did just approach someone in the street, I would come across as weird, I need to build up my confidence in chatting to girls in easier situations before I would even start to think about doing that.


All I can say to this is, I wish, maybe for you and many others this is the case, but it is the complete opposite for me.

It really is just a case of lack of confidence, not helped by being small, and what I am looking for is situations where not as much confidence is needed so that I can practice and build up the confidence to be able to approach girls in any situation.

I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself, be happy to make a balls of approaches, you have to accept that you can't control what happens, you never will be able to. Approach and let the chips fall where they may, let go of the need for certainty. Go out and ask 10 hot women just for directions and leave it at that to start off.

CDfm

Go to a beers or a party with a bunch of roses and make a point of going to someone you dont know introducing yourself and giving them a rose. Just circulate. Its just a prop.

EL_Loco

basically, you can't be too precious with yourself.

I was "getting back on the horse" a while back regarding chatting up the ladies, and to be honest, for a good 2 months, if not more, it was a disaster, DIISSSSAASTER. The crap I was coming out with has me cringing thinking about it. Anyways, you see someone you like, you say hello and take it from there. If it falls a bit flat big deal, some total stranger thinks you're a bit odd

CDfm

the lesson for the day is just go ahead and do it and when you find a rhytym and what works for you you will be fine

Mr Benevolent

Best place to find women is in work. You've got something in common, you see them every day, complain about the same things, plenty of choice... it all works very well.

LD 50

But if it backfires, those same reasons could work aagianst you. you'd have to see them everyday, they prob wouldn't want to talk to you, and depending on how badly it backfires, she could ****stir and get all the other women there on her side.

Cadiz

scanlas wrote: »

, STD clinic

Icebreaker: so, what are you here for? Me, I've got this itch and a purple rash on my nethers. Want to go for a drink later?

Snowie

Confab wrote: »

Best place to find women is in work. You've got something in common, you see them every day, complain about the same things, plenty of choice... it all works very well.

no way that would drive me potty id go nuts and dump her.
you gotta have some distant... having a relertionship while your in work :eek:
sounds like maddenss on a biblical level if you ask me.

Amazotheamazing

Scanlas has given some really good advice on this thread. You have to remember everyone feels insecure at some point or other, the thing is to accept that but not to let it hold you back.

Like most guys, I went through a phase of being utterly useless with meeting women. I got out of it by reasoning that I can't expect anyone else to have confidence in me if I don't place confidence in myself. Just follow Scanlas' advice and you'll be well on your way to meeting women.

Warfi

scanlas wrote: »

I have approached women in all sorts of scenarios as well as my friends and what we've found is that when you are confident, smile and expect her to be friendly back she usually is? If you are nervous and think it's weird she'll think it's weird.

Definitely agree with this. Success in anything is down to mind over matter. It took me years to cop onto this mind over matter thing. I just thought everyone else was lucky to have it and I missed out!
I eventually realised that you yourself make the world you want to live in. If you believe that women will think you're weird for talking to them in the street, well then it'll happen exactly as you believe.

One other thing, if you are going to talk to a woman on the street, don't just do it because you want a girlfriend, do it because she's reading a book you like, or she's reading the back of a cd you like. In other words, make a true connection, and it won't seem so weird for the woman concerned.

I'll be in HMV if anyone needs me

I_am_Jebus

It's defo true that you can meet someone anywhere. Problem, for me, is having the courage to just chat freely with someone or approach someone to begin with.

Although, I was out with my friend and his fiancé recently, had a good bit to drink, night ends and I put the two of them in a taxi. It was about 2.30am and wasn't interested in going home so strolled around Dublin city for a while and eventually wandered into one of the fine "Charlies" chinese food establishments. very quiet in there. Ordered. Messing around still a fair bit tipsy and a girl comes up and orders her food etc... I start talking to her (no idea what I was saying). Grand.

She got her food before me and sat down at a table on her own. I asked her could I sit with her, she said fire away. Turns out she's living in (and from) the same town I am from. and we spent hours talking and walking the city. shared a taxi home 'bout six am (we went are separate ways). Swapped numbers and have met up once since and planning a second meet up.

I thought it was quite interesting and unusual for me anyway.

So basically the answer for me is just be half drunk 24 hours a day so I have the courage to chat to a girl in a random situation. happy days:rolleyes: